Revival is in the air!!!

Faith in action

2012-02-16T09:33:00.000-08:00

Faith seems easy to define- easy to comprehend. But ,in truth its an easier thought than it is an action. I was speaking to a brother in the Lord just yesterday and the conversation turned to why is it, some seem to be so blessed or at least untroubled,and they may not have a walk with God that is of surrender- they may not even have a relationship with God at all, Why do they see less hardships, than a believer such as my friend and I , walking out Gods will, believing him and surrendiering to Him, and yet-struggling to survive. I don't have the answer to that. I only know that the word promises the righteous won't be forsaken.
When we go through trying times, hard times, times of heartbreak and struggle, it can feel like God has forgotten or left us behind. Faith is strained, and the true test of it comes to light. Do I believe God, when I have to decide between buying staples that are needed, and keeping the electricity on.? Do I believe he loves, cares for, and supports me even when I cannot see those things currently in my life.
Well, I have found many who are not going through such hardships, quickly respond "Oh yes, I know God will supply," and many times, they offer pat answers, and judgemental observerations as to why your needs are not being met, and as to why they think that your heart must not be in the right place.
Frankly it is exceedingly easy to respond well to trial when your not the one in it or under it.
I turn back to the the Israelites as they walked through the desert- they had provision, water, manna, but after the day to day struggle of dessert heat-of being footsore and weary, even the things that were a blessing, in light of what they had known of comfort in Egypt, became, well- forgotten.
Guess what? I crave an oreo now and then- or a Krispy Kreme donut, I like socks without holes, and I could really use some new clothes- and yes lovie, I have food in the pantry, not a ton, but enough to keep on keeping on for a little longer, but will it keep me from desiring a Krispy Kreme,a good steak, or a trip to the mall for some bath bubbles and a new outfit, no.
I comprehend that trials come, that God provides, but not much unlike my forefathers walking through the desert, I get tired of just manna and crave things I cannot have and have not seen for some time. I suppose to some that makes me ungrateful, I dont think it does, I think it just makes me human . I believe my ancient counter parts believed God, and saw his hand, and while there have been times in my life where I thought I would never act as ungrateful as the people following Moses in the desert, but- from this vantage point, I can now comprehend, want.
Heres the thing though my faith is tried, not because I believe God has abandoned me, not because I believe some unconfessed sin has held me captive( Believe me you go through something like this,and like Job, you throw everything but the kitchen sink at God, in considering what may keep you from his blessing, you dont leave a stone uncovered and you dont leave anything shoved under a rug, because frankly aint nobody wants to stay in a miserable place for this long..so no, there isn't any un-repented sin) I dont even believe my faith is tried at this point because the devil is persecuting me,not when I have a big God who could easily and readily come to my defense opts not to, sorry, not buying it. No beloved.,I am where I am because the Lord himself wants me to be here.
So what do I do from here?
Well, I look at it deeper. I look at it from an outsider view, that isn't tainted by perspectives of selfishness, or judgementalness. I look at it from a Gospel view.
See my Father asked me many moons ago, if I would be willing to sacrifice all to follow Him. And I told him yes. Without thinking or pondering, or weighing it, I said yes.Know why? Because even though I had understood some hardship I had yet to walk a dessert. mmm. yep. I understood sacrifice and commitment from a faith in thought view, not a faith in action one.
And, here I am. Suddenly I comprehend, Job having lost everything, plagued by illness, hurt by those he loved and trusted. I comprehend Jobs heart and mindset-. I See David, alone in a cave, weeping at loss, pained by his own sin, repentive, remorseful, helpless at times,and boardering hopeless, yet turning to God again and again,asking for help, leaning in to the only company He had , God and God alone. I Comprehend.
I understand the Israelites, knowing a God of fearsome power, and complete mercy, of provision, and of guidance, yet at times while staring at yet another loaf of manna , and asking God "IS THIS IT? " Oh yes, I comprehend.
See we say we will carry the cross of Christ, and we fashion a set of wood, nail it together and we walk a mile on a public roadway, and say, there you go Lord, I carried it, but we in truth, gave nothing of lifetime of commitment in that, we barely broke a sweat, we did not feel blood trickle down our cheeks, we did not feel the splineters of rejection and betrayal, we did not touch the sins of a world lost, we did not bare it to death, we meerly, carried two by fours.
The reality is this beloved, when we make a promise to the Lord, we must weigh what we have promised, and realize, our FAITH will be tested, not because we are big toys on a chestboard, but because God has our GOOD in mind. Hard to fathom lovies, hard to believe in the midst of suffering , persecution, loss, that our Good is in mind, but it is.
How can I say that? ahhhh beloved, because I have Faith. Not faith in words, faith in FIRE. Faith in TROUBLE, Faith in HUNGER, Faith in LOSS. Faith in HEARTACHE. Faith in LONELYNESS.
When I look at the cross Jesus asked me to carry, I realize he wasn't being figuritive, he was telling me something deeper, something I couldn't comprehend without actually going through fire, and harship, and trial, and judgement, and betrayal, the cross has weight, it is not frivoulous, it is not a jesture, it has the weight of trial and tribulation and souls on it. Yes Lord I comprehend.
Faith is an action, it doesn't end in a hard time, it begins there. It envelopes the Gospel, and lives out a love for Christ that seeps from comprehension. So while some delve into theries and beliefs that Christains are unmarred by any hardships and that if we are of God. that we live worryfree, and financially blessed, I find, thats not the Journey I have walked at all, and in the journey I am seeing an inkling of what Jesus felt, I am comprehending Faith in a whole new light, I am leaving behind, krispy kremes and scented bath soaps, and carrying only my sandals.. Somedays i struggle because I have developed blisters on my feet in the walk,that I am tired and sore and dirty,but I also know, this is the walk he asked me to walk, he asked me to understand,he asked me to pursue, and I said Yes, and the ironocy is- today, knowing all I know, of sacrifice and loss, I would still chose the sandals and the cross, and the closeness of comprehending, to the smallest degree, that I am indeed, being crucified with Christ. That my faith is forged by fire, and not because He wants me to suffer, but because he wants me to grow into being more LIKE HIM.
Beautiful Savior.

Bigger

2012-02-01T16:55:00.001-08:00

I was 17 when I first felt called by God, which is not exactly the first time I felt impressed of calling, but it was the first clear cut understanding. I remember as a little girl feeling Him near me as I went about singing unto the heavens. 20 some odd years further down the road and three children fully grown and a divorce later, I questioned, how can God use me? I still felt that calling, but knew only God could make something of His ragamuffin girl. It seemed impossible, yet he tugged at me so earnestly and so unrelentingly. I can only express it as a feeling of being pulled magnetically towards His heart and purposing.

Discouragement has a nasty way of pulling us in other directions and hampering us. I looked at what seemed impossible odds. I was fighting off a devastating illness that threatened again and again to take my life. I had ventured into my first real relationship after the divorce with a very kind man, but a man not meant for me. So I walked away from the relationship with an aching heart, but one determined to follow Gods leading whatever the cost.

Nearing the end of a period of time God had told me to wait on Him for direction as each day passed, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more. My lease was coming to an end. I needed an answer, stay, go, what God?

As the final hours of that final day began to fade into the night my prayers reached a frustrated pitch. Sitting on my couch, four walls resounding, I prayed loud, hard and in earnest. Where are you at God? Help me Lord! Answer me Lord! You Promised!
The computer screen sat in an open stance on a christian chat line I often visited and counseled and prayed for others. But today I had no real interest for it. It was on out of habit, but provided little distraction for my weary heart.

Many times God has answered my prayer, and so directly I could not doubt him. Yet in these moments as they steadily counted down I was beginning to fear that I would not hear from Him at all. In that, I also feared maybe I did not hear Him right in the first place. Doubts swarmed about me, attacking my thoughts. Every time I tried to squelch it, the dead silence seemed to confirm my apprehensions.

I remember for instance, a time when my friend Jana and I had prayed over a letter the Doctor had signed on my behalf. The letter was asking for my retirement to be allotted to me early so that I could live on it and be helped through times of illness. My lawyers shook their heads and told me, "Tara, it won't happen, your wasting your time, they just don't do that." Never-the-less, I sealed the envelope, touched it with annointing oil and sent it prayerfully on its way. A few weeks later a signed parcel came to me saying it was agreed I could have the retirement money.
My God is BIGGER than wisened lawyers, BIGGER than law, litigation and man made regulations.

Another time prior to that event, I was in a tight financial fix. Money I had lived on sparingly was running out. The $7.50 an hour I got for work was not enough to pay the rent and the car payment owed at the first of each month. I little knew what I would do. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed. I needed $900.00 and I little knew where it would come from having already borrowed money from my parents to pay for lawyers fees. Owing them that, I would not borrow from them again. I was seemingly up a creek with out a paddle. I opened the mailbox on the 30th of the month and inside it was a $900.00 plus refund, and friend, I had no reason to receive one. It was more than enough to pay my house payment, and my car payment with a dollar remaining for a treat from Mc Donnalds to celebrate.
My God is BIGGER than my finances and He is able to provide for my needs.

Oh yes, I knew God answered prayer. But as the tears of stress and weariness came, and the feeling of being left alone in an hour of need presided, I cried out to God in utter frustration. "God! I am done, I am finished, you promised to answer me and you haven't answered me! I Give up! I give up! I give up! " I screamed aloud and it echoed through the walls of my empty house.
In that very instant as I breathed the last angry words, my computer dinged.
Someone was sending me an instant message. I half laughed in mockery, "Great, some quack wanting to hit on me, Yay." But it wasn't. A timid writer said "Hello" I waited. He began to praise God, and I hate to admit this, but in that moment I wasn't in the mood for Mr. Bubbly. So as he finished his litany of praise, I said, "Ok, Glad you got your praise on, is there something you wanted to say to me?" Sarcasm laced the words. I was tired, mad and not really in the mood for warm fuzzies. The cursor blinked ..... I waited..... After what seemed like forever the person responded. "Well, I was praying and God told me to get on the computer, so I did. And then He told me to get on the chat, which I don't do much, but I did." Okkkkkk, I am thinking, flake.
"Then He told me to scroll the names, so I did. Then He told me to stop on you, so I did."
Mmmm. Something in my Spirit jumped. I leaned forward, instinctively watching closer. What Goes God? He again waited. And due to lack of patience, I prompted him, "Is there something you wish to say to me?" It was a tad sarcastic, but you cant see that on the computer thank the Lord. "Yes," he said. "Understand that I don't know you and I don't know why God is telling me this." "Ok" I said, a little annoyed at the his slow typing. "Well, I don't understand why He is saying this, but He says. Don't give up, Don't give up, Don't give up!"

I burst out in sobs. Pure, wrenching sobs. Not another living soul knew my prayers to the Lord that day. No one heard me but my walls and God. As the fellow went on, he unraveled all the things I had said to God, and then began to state what God told Him.
In a brief time God had answered my prayers for direction using the pokey hands of a total stranger, click clacking away in his corner of the world in I believe Missouri. He knew nothing of me or of my circumstance., We had never before spoken, and never have since. God is BIGGER than how much we believe, and God is an on time God.

I don't understand why it can be at the last hour or the last day. I don't try to. I only know, that He is faithful to answer us, Faithful to hear us, and faithful to direct us.

Lately Rob and I have journeyed a rough road. A road fraught with disappointments. Tests on our endurance and faith have abounded. I have seen finances drained while our needs increased profoundly, yet all I know at the bottom line is this. In every hour whether last or first, GOD IS FAITHFUL. He has not ever left us stranded or alone. Never lost to what we go through. NO NOT EVER. He is there in the mid-nights of our life, listening and even responding in ways we never thought possible nor could we comprehend, because that is our God. He's BIGGER than our understanding. BIGGER than our issues. BIGGER than our enemies. BIGGER than our resources. BIGGER than even our own plans and dreams. He is a GREAT BIG WONDERFUL GOD and He hears you. I promise Lovie, HE does..

Family Matters

2012-01-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

Little Miss Ruth sits fixedly at the organ, (as memories serves me ) she sways back and forth in a childlike movement, as her joyful bubbly heart plays and hits an occasional off note unoticed.
Pastor Tim shuffles paper work readying for worship service, making an occasional wise crack, as the worhip team laughs at his disorganized attempt at organization. I am slightly dishievedled, hours of crying have made my eyes puffy, but no one asks why. They already know.

During that week, I slept at a friends house keys to their door tucked in my pocket. The previous week Mrs Shirley bounced on my make shift bed,pulled the covers off of my head, and told me to get up.Re-inforcing her stance by informing me she would not leave until I did. I got up. I faced the day, and the next and the next, as my friends, my family in God, came together and loved me through-Divorce.

This small church, spent hours at pot lucks laughing and loving one another, we knew each others buisness and fumbled about trying to help however we could. When someones refridgerator died,a love offering was made to get them a new one. When the heat was threatening to be cut off, in the dead of a Wyoming winter, 20 saints of God put their funds together and made the payment to keep it on. When someone was sick, those same 20 saints, made meals enough to feed a family until the person was well recovered, and made sure the family had plenty to spare.
These are my memories of a small church, where when you cried you were surrounded by tissues and hugs, and you did not suffer through a hard place alone.

Since then I have gone to a number of larger churches, and one so large that it virtually had a countdown on wide screen to worship, it made me feel as though I was on an awkward cold rocket ship where if I fell off into space, no one would even notice one less soul.

I went to a big church, where they had all the modern convieninces, lights , cameras , action- an attitude of perfection and performance were expected, but what was not there was compassion. No, in fact when Rj and I fell short of finances and couldn't pay our 6oo plus dollar electric bill, they called and offered to pay half, and I could work for them to pay it back. I cleaned the church for weeks, and then carried trees, and I do mean "TREES" uphill in the sweltering Tennessee sun to throw in a pile. I felt as little accepted there as anywhere I had ever been, knowing from day one, I had been eyed suspiciously as a threat.(being a woman and a preacher, somehow equals threat) I had been tagged with a rather unkind and unfavorable mindset ( as all women with an understanding of who they are in Christ could also be deemed in this body,a possible Jezebel) and in the process I tried to love people who treated me anything but loving through it. It was a big "Who will be Who in Whoville" church with a small Grinchlike heart.

I have watched as friends in big churches have struggled with finances pro-longed illness causing them to get behind, and even as a long time member of the body- where no help wasg was offered them outside a prayer.
I have gone through a series of loss myself, and in the midst of one of the hardest trials in faith I have known,to minister in TN, and yet- did not even recieve a phone call.

My heart longs for the small church family kind of compassion, still moving in the big church. The place where you can not only feel welcome but truly cared for.When your ill, people are bustling about trying to see what they can do to help you.When your struck by a need there are folks trying to help you through it if in no other way than a warm enfolding hug and a cup of coffee.
It seems we have lost our way- we have opted for easy outs, and selfish motives, and we have closed our hearts to one another out of being "Just To Busy" people have become little more than a blip on our church sonar-and the crazy thing is we face the end times , and we should be wise enough to know that we need each others talents and skills, we need each other to strengthen and endure- yet we live and exist with the very distance the devil himself would hope for! Because to divide us is in anyway IS to conquer us.
See the family of God should knit together in ways a three strand cord of rope should knit us, that cord should be nearly inpenitrable.So much so that when trial and torment comes to the church itself we will be all in this net , this weave of faith, together. Unshakeable and unbroken.
Instead, we have built foundations around rock and mortar, rather than around souls.We have looked at whats "New" and whats "IN" and considered these church builders, rather than caring for one anothers souls, and how best to do that.
I long for a "Family" in God that understands each other, cries with one another, helps one another, lifts, builds and occasionally even carries one another, like the sheperds of a flock each one being a preist towards the other, because that is in essence what we are called to do.

What I crave is, genuiness- not just in how we are towards one another but in our passion and love for Christ, and thinking on that, I suppose genuineness and passion for God would in essence overflow into those things, or should.
And if I cant see it where I go I have decided to build it where I am, because we as true believers should be rope makers. Intent on forming cords that can't be broken, and I am making that a goal. If my family wont come to me, then I will come to my family, because someone has got to realize along the way, that babies it is not what we build in finance or in status, or even bricks and mortar that matters, its souls, Souls matter.

We are family- You matter to me, I just wanted to say that.
In Love, In Christ-

Sissy

Manna-fest! God our provider.

2012-01-07T19:14:00.000-08:00

I stood out side my little red vibe cram packed with items precious only to me, clothing, old towels, a little bedding, odd and ends nick-nacks, and a sparse collection of Christmas decor. I had spent hours dividing and trying to be fair, offering the best of what had been my life to my soon to be x husband, and venturing into what I fearfully dreaded- that great unknown where it was just me, and Jesus.

Somewhere in the process half the decor disappeared, a huge portion of utensils all eaten apparently by the infamous sock monster who also had an unknown penchant for cute boots. I unpacked and life day by day, became a learning process anew, economizing on a small( mmm, nix that replace it with pathetic) budget. There were times I wept myself to sleep, a lot of times. There were days on end where no voice spoke to me,and months before I felt the embrace of another human being. And it was indeed,just Jesus and me.

I grew so much in that place, leaned in, learned to depend on God,found out I was stronger than I thought, experienced joys I had no idea could come from things so simple. I had almost died, literally in that place, and God restored me. I had seen that even with the little I had, life was a gift, and I had opted,to embrace it.

I am once again at a place where all I own will need to fit neatly in a little red car. All my husband Rj owns as well. In some ways it is almost numbing, facing that- I no longer know if I am resolved to it, or if its simply I see, I am back to square one, Jesus and me(.:) and RJ)

In this place I have learned things indescribable, heard Gods voice so discernibly I stay in awe. I Know who takes care of me. Who keeps me, holds me even more than the wonderful warmth of a human hand I now have to hold. because I am fully aware If not for my Jesus- and his healing touch, I would not be here to hold it.

Seasons of life come and go- and hardships hit some while missing others completely, and yes I wonder why that is.But I also Trust, its up for God to discern and dicide where my life will be tomorrow, I only know- I am His.

Today my husband worked on what can only be considered a mansion,its massive walls overlooking a mountain ridge, I sat outside its pristine lawns and thought how odd,that some could be so blessed and be blissfully unaware, while I am not in worldly terms blessed but an aware to the core that I am blessed beyond comprehension.

For whatever reasons God has me in a place, I don't always understand it,nor do I continuously want to be in it- but HE has kept me here, for his reasons.So each days need is rationed out in just enough sized portions, I strive for no more, and get no less.
To those high powered prosperity thinkers I am a hopeless individual, who has "done something" to be in such a place of hardship.

But I am reminded of a group of people who followed a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day, who had to take each days portion with humility, who drank of the wells God gave and ate from the provision he handed them in the fields. They could strive for more, gather their goods in fear, and store loaves of manna by the dozen, but it turned to worms and sod, because that was not the provision God had allowed.

Some days beloved, God speaks to me about matters of the heart, about the kind of people He wants to see, the kind that seeks HIM unswerved by what happens.The kind that rely and trust in him fully.the kind that know humility and desire all of God there is.

Maybe that describes you to a "T" Maybe you have been wandering a dessert where all your reliance was on God, and none of these prosperity teachings seemed to even come close to you. Oh not because you lacked faith that God couldn't prosper you but maybe you, like me, knew that it was more important to Touch the feet of God with your tears,and adore him with your worship- than it was to put things that will corrupt ( for so much of belief is formed in trusting money and gathering possessions to show Gods favor, when in fact Money was the least thing God told believers to chase after!) We are made to chase Him, not stuff not things that corrupt or turn to Dust! Him. Our MANNA. Our life sustaining promise , our fulfillment from day to day- our Everything that makes all other things look like- well Nothing.

Today God gives you manna, not a pile of manna , not a stockpile of manna, because HE is our life sustain-er, and our provider. Without His presence leading and guiding, babies all the boats, and toys and such are like a loose ball in a pin ball machine, you ping against this ( yay New Boat), and think it will make you happy, and you ping against that ( wahoo spending spree) and none of those things actually really do fulfill you, its when you find the exact right place, where humility and need meet praise and presence, that Manna comes from heaven and feeds you once again..
Jesus, Jesus, very bread of life, fill me, keep me, and stay near me , my beautiful provider, my manna.
Amen.

The Christmas Hug

2011-12-09T12:31:00.001-08:00

The holidays are a time where you wax just a tad sentimental. The traditions and habits you had are a do- over as each season rounds and no matter how many times you have seen Bing Crosby sing "White Christmas" or watched Clarence get his wings on "Its a wonderful life" or in the movie " A Christmas Story" You rejoiced that the tacky leg lamp got broken and the kid got his trusty red rider b b gun, ( and as well did indeed nearly put his eye out) or have seen yet once more how that poor little Charlie Brown relished his straggly limb of a Christmas tree, still after the millionth time,you add it to your MUST Do lists for the following year.

I don't know why tradition holds us so much, but there is both beauty and pain in it- when you are forced to leave some of it behind due to a divorce or loss of a family member, or when you have moved many thousands of miles away from your children and loved ones part of those things nearly sacred -morph, and though you still watch a movie or two, still bake eggnog cookies and still make up a batch of ginger bread waffles without those smiling faces surrounding you it takes on a less fulfilling air.Tradition is something that doesn't necessarily fade then but because time marches on the traditions we have do change with the times.

I remember when my children were small, (Anjoli was about 9 I believe, Steven was then about 6 and Ben a feisty 4 year old boy) the kids were not as chipper and were moping more about the house, because there father was working over seas during the Christmas holiday. But what they did not know is that he was due to come home just two days before Christmas Eve, and because it was so close we had planned a wonderful surprise that included a little mangling of truth to keep inquisitive minds from being in the know.

Now I am not big on Santa, being a Christian I have only emphasized the Lord as being what Christmas was about but the kids knew of Santa, and since he gave out Candy canes in the mall they weren't opposed to running into him. The plan unfolded... we winded down a snowy mountain, commenting on the beauty of the hills, and excited about the break from being snowbound.
I bought the kids a treat, and made the excuse of dropping off a bag of bedding I had said I was returning for a friend in the mall. So I planted them in a nearbye eatery, told them to stay put, and I would return in a minute to do something fun. A quickly as possible I turned the corner, and dissapeared into a hotel linked to the mall, passing a waiting husband my bag of Goods.

I took a econd to explain that there was also candycanes in the "Bedding" bag which was really his Santa gear. "Candy canes ?" he asked, *"Dave," I said sarcastically, "You can't go in the mall dressed as Santa and not hand out Candy canes, what will the little kids think?" "Oh.. Good thinking" he replied... The clerks at the reception counter grinned from ear to ear, watching the plan unfold. I turned and ran back into the connecting Mall, afraid to leave the kids for very long.

We walked around the mall looking at odds and ends, oohing and ahhing at toys and treats, and the beautiful decorations, when at last Santa arrived. I laughed to myself, because he had put on the costume, but had neglected getting a pillow or some means of fluffing himself, and was the scrawniest Santa I do believe I have ever seen, but , the kids didn't notice that, I believe their stares were on the sack laden with candy canes, as "Santa " greeted them.

He spoke in a makeshift voice and held out his hands as though to enclose them in an embrace . For a moment they all studied Him, until finally little Ben ran and gave him a hug in warm reception , Steven was a bit more shy and felt a little more reserved, being to grown up and all for Santa, but even so he didn't want to be rude either so he finally conceded to a side ward hug and a nod.

Anjoli was neither cautious nor reserved she just stepped forward dutifully and listened to what Santa was saying as he leaned in slightly sidewards for a hug, just around the shoulders, with a slight crunch.. something about that jolted her.. Anjoli looked up into the eyes fluffed in gossamer and stood staring into the face swathed in a beard lost in tufts of white-and said,"Dad?" in awe and shock..within moments, hugs were warmly abounding and joyful squeals bubbling out of my children's mouths. What a wonderful surprise! What a sweet Christmas memory, something my children will recall all their lives I am sure.

As I thought of this memory over the holidays I considered this a story that goes beyond simply a happy memory, it to is a tradition. How so,? Well beloved, whenever you celebrate the Love of God, whenever you lean into his warmth with a smile of recognition, whenever you realize that your daddy is there for you when you least expected him to be God almighty does indeed hold you. Whenever you feel the closeness of his love and the peace of his heart the holiday , rekindles.
God holds you beloved in a way recognizable to your spirit- you may not recognize his means , but you will recognize his touch. In that just right needed moment- in that hour when you need to feel him most, he will lean down scrunch your shoulders, and let you know in some way discernable to only you and He, Your loving Father is near.
Be blessed, be Scrunched in the arms of God, be Merry.....

* Fictional name

Turkey Tale: A Thanksgiving Memory

2011-11-16T11:49:00.001-08:00

I remember the thanksgiving my parents came down ( or is that up?) to Wyoming from California. I had not been able to spend a holiday with them in many years and I was excited to have my family around once again. The fixings prepared in a small kitchen caused us to bustle and bump into one another in non stop fashion, and my mom's ability to still " Mother me" in how to cook various recipes was getting a little, well, unnerving.

Mind you I had cooked everything for many years without her but now that she was here I needed to clip my thoughts and just be happy I had family to fuss at. I opted to give her the pumpkin pie, it is for sure not my specialty and a good way to keep her busy in something she professed to be good at. Ok, mission accomplished!

I began to season the turkey to put it in the oven when my mother peered over and just happened to mention, "Well, are you going to put it in a basting bag or anything?" I shrugged and told her no, I didn't have any and that I had always just cooked my turkeys in tinfoil.

"Oh No! You can even cook turkey in a paper bag, it keeps the moisture in." A paper bag mom? I don' t know... "Yes, I always have." Something about this boded ill.

My mother is a curious woman so I cautiously listen to her at times. Cooking has long been a thing we have (my sister and I) teased her on, Saying she would put hot sauce in vanilla pudding etc. In truth, that just might happen. But one thing she is not, in her wiry little 5 foot 2 frame, is someone easily argued with.

I watched worriedly as she put my beautiful Bird in a brown paper sack and sealed its doom.

I hurried about the house picking up, cleaning china, cutting vegi's. Mom mixed her pumpkin goo and moaned from the kitchen,"hmm, this is not solidifying, it always has before." I eyed the liquid substance in a ginormous bowl, knowing we weren't going to be having pumpkin pie this year. " We'll maybe if I put it in the crust , and stick it in the fridge..." I left the room , poor pumpkin soup pie.
Suddenly I heard a scream from the kitchen, " OH NO!!!!" I entered just in time to see my mom running from the stove, hopping back and forth with a flaming turkey mitted between her baking gloves" Oh ! Oh! Oh! she kept saying, not knowing what to do as she shifted the pan away from here and bounced back and forth trying to avoid heat and flame. I opened the back porch meaning for her to set it down, so that we could throw water on it, but instead she tossed it pan and all across the deck where it slid across the iced porch and dangled precariously near the edge. I ran over and threw snow on it and wafts of smoke poured from the remaining fragments of paper bag. I looked at mom, she looked at me, eyes as big as saucers.

" Paper bag mom" I said. " well I have done it a million times, that's never happened. "mmmm."

Peeling the charred bag off the turkey, I was amazed to see a still edible bird hiding within..Thank GOD!

Many times in our lives, disaster strikes,and hard times hit. stuff happens, and we forget that through all the stress and all the trouble, the moments we oft times remember the most, and are even fondest of are those times when we thought we were in the absolute worst possible situation. Mom and I had been so stressed worrying and fussing over the thanksgiving meal that the crazy inferno reprieve hit us both at the same time. And we began to laugh so hardily tears streamed down our eyes... we laughed until are stomachs hurt and we were babbling out what had happened our husbands shaking their heads and shrugging when they left the room still blissfully unaware of the bag basted bird now simmering in tinfoil in the oven.

Listen lovies, these are the moments to cherish those where families gather, memories are made, enjoy them, don't forget your blessings! Learn how to laugh a little in the stress, find the humor in the craziness of life it has always been there, God has it stored in the crevices of your heart. Find them, enjoy them, cherish them.

And the turkey by the way was fabulous, and had a lovely smoked flavor you just couldn't put your finger on. We went pumpkin pie less that year, turkey tax apparently.

Be blessed and have a wonderful Thank filled holiday!

I have felt that to.....

2011-11-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

Today was a hard day, but to be honest it has been one of many hard days in the past few months or for that matter the past few years. I have brought many things on my heart before the lap of my father, with no little weight behind them.
Work has been scarce.Ministry has been sparse and in my thinking, shallow in terms of limiting my ability.
I had thought the doors would open wide when I moved to Tennessee, God had showed me a vision, and because of it, I had thought the receiving hearts would be vast and that in some way God would use me through Him to inspire and to touch peoples lives .. Instead I have ministered in odd situations and in limited ways, either being asked to sing, or asked to testify, but not so much to preach.
Disappointment and discouragement are not a good trade in for leaving family and friends I loved nor for struggling greatly in finances, and nither are battling disaproval or being treated poorly by loved peers and lost friends.
Ever been so hurt by words said about you inflicted by those you love and trust that you just want to let go,give up, and leave them to the wreckage their verbal battery has caused?......" Yeah, I know I have felt that to."
Ever felt so tired of being verbally crushed, stepped on, walked over, treated abusively by those you loved and trusted, that you just want to give up on folks and call it quits in believing there is any worth in trusting another living soul?...."' Yeah, I know, I have felt that to".
Ever been cast aside, rejected, ignored, or treated as "less than" By your peers? "Yeah, I know I have felt that to."
There are times when this stuff hits you like a ton of bricks, and no matter how sturdy this Ole girls hide is, its not by any means, impenetrable. I have a heart and those shards of mean nasty do poke through and get to me. If I could count the times this past year I have wanted to just completely walk away, lick my wounds and head back to California, or even Wyoming( which I don't particularly care for its so ccccold!). it might just be shocking..lol, yet here I am.
I have already given all I can think to give for ministry, leaving my family in Wyoming, traveling to new territory, being rejected, feeling many many times like an outcast and one with a fatal catchy disease ( womapreacheritus, be careful not to get any on you!)
When I hear stories of my kids having birthday parties or events, and missing the expressions of my little grandchildren while experiencing them, my heart aches tremendously, and I shake in these boots, and ask God again, WHY am I Here? When my son goes through heartbreaking circumstances, and I haven't the funds to get home to comfort him, I am devistated, and all my motherly instincts to protect and comfort, have to be shut down or self destruct... its a high Cost.
I can fathom my Savior thinking along those lines while he prayed " Father,if its is your will let this cup pass from me" This cup, a cup of bitterness, a cup of pain, loss, and rejection, a cup of tears and great cost, a cup of death.
I can fathom his loneliness at not having a single friend who would pray with him in an hour he desperately needed that comfort,that peace, that good counsel..and encountering silence.Tears so deep felt and hurt so unfathomable that it ran down his cheeks in blood. I have wept very hard at the rejection I have felt, very deeply hurt at the rumors I have encountered,the unchangeable opinions that I endured, the abuse and the loneliness since setting my feet on Tennessee soil,, but not a single drop tinged red.
I can fathom walking lonely roads, to face a certain end, and looking side to side for those you love, and seeing no one. Yes, I can fathom that. But I cannot count it on my cross the same. because Jesus., my beautiful, beautiful Jesus, bore it unto death. Not because of loss, because of Love.
That is harder for me to get... That even while those dear friends he has spent countless hours with left him to a lonely Golgathan road. Even while he pulled the last wisps of air from his lungs to tell a thief he would see heaven, Love saw past the crosses weight, past those hurts, past those disappointments, and saw me- and because of that kind of love I serve in a place where I am not well received- because HE is Amazing to me, I stay.
You see, It is not so much the cost of familiarity and family and friends, those things I knew would be hard-, its the struggle of all the stuff that disappoints, hurts, crushes, and maligns you, that I had not expected.. and yet he responds, " Yeah, I know I have felt that to"... When I run to him, weeping with this incredible heart break inside, and I say Jesus, it hurts, it aches, it has used me, abused me, crushed me, struck me down, sought my ruin, He again answers, " Yeah, I know I have felt that to"
Not once does the Lord say the cross of sacrifice will be lifted from those who have chosen to carry it, no rather you have a better understanding of the weight of souls because of sacrifice.. a better glimpse of love than some have it is this pivotal place, this compelling love, that makes you stay, when you want to run..but the arms of your comforter are still there to enfold you, and the words of his love still surround you in His grasp, soothing your soul and speaking, "Yes baby, I know,I have felt that to...

No Greater Love has any man than this, to Give HIS life, for a friend...Amen.

I have other fish to fry! A story of love, commission and fulfillment.

2011-10-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

He sat at the sea shore, peering out at the weary fishermen sitting in a near-bye boat pulling in their nets. They were oblivious to the blaze of a warm fire he had kindled and unaware of the fish on his man made spit.
He surveyed the tired slump of their shoulders as their voices echoed across the sea, barking orders back and forth at one another, sometimes joking and jostling one another in the boat to cut the tension that was among them. It had been a long night and they were discouraged to go home and have nothing to sell and nothing to offer at the dinner table..
"Cast it to the other side" the man called out from the shore. They turned to the voice, eyes surveyed the intruder from a distance, almost mockingly they responded..."We have fished all night and caught nothing..." " Cast it to the other side" the man called again. The men looked at one another, a couple of them snickered under a weary breath, a few others murmured, more than ready to go home, and the few remaining shrugged, pulled up the weight of the heavy linked net, and threw it to the opposite side of the boat, and waited.
The buoys sunk bobbing once, then twice and then suddenly entirely submerging. Shocked they hurried to the edge of the boat and began pulling in the nets, fish were flopping about in a frenzy to be released, as they tugged the boat shifted from the weight.Incredulous, they looked at one another in in wide eyed shock, this was more fish than they had seen in any catch! A massive bounty that just kept coming, it seemed to be impossible since they had been fishing in that exact same spot all night to now catch fish that had been apparently just avoiding the nets- it was as though God himself had suddenly blessed them .. Recognition hit them with a sudden rush of understanding- It was the Master!
Peters eyes immediately teared up, he peered in the distance, it was Jesus! almost without thought he threw on his cloak and tightened it snugly on his waist, and jumped over the wobbling boat. and swam to shore...
Drenched and chilled a re-energized Peter stood before Christ and embraced Him. Something so amazing could barely be fathomed, it was almost a dream to Peter, it WAS Jesus, truly! He had died, breathed his last, and Peter had shamefully slunk into the shadows and watched..and now he was ushering Peter towards the warmth of the fire and the crisp enticing aroma of fresh fish..the reality of the fish so long labored for, and uncaught , and the fish offered to him so readily, dimmed in comparison to the miracle of the Savior now standing before Him.
Drip,drip, drip, Jesus pulled Peter towards a large rock nearest the fire and spoke to him.
"Peter, Do you love me, (sacrificially, and fully )?"Yes Lord, you know I do" Peter said without hesitation.
Jesus threw a stick towards the fire. "Feed my sheep"
Peter recalled the lessons Christ taught to the 5 thousand, waiting on a mountainside hungry, as the sunset began to fade, a crowd of boisterous voices stirred the atmosphere as the passing baskets of fish and bread were distributed. Miracles are what Christ did, and he had seen so many... Drip, Drip, drip.
"Peter, Do you Love me( sacrificially and truly?)" Peter looked in Jesus eyes confused that he had asked him the same exact question yet again. Frustration tinged with a little guilt were laced in his response " Yes Lord, you know I do". The glance of two close friends passed between them, and moments of silence filled with tension now crackled in the air. Drip, drip, drip..
Peter remembered as story after story, parable after parable began to fill his mind, so many lessons, so much restoration, so much depth and intensity. healing, and joy and then the deepest sorrow of the last day he had seen Jesus alive, again the tears brimmed and wet his eyelashes, forcibly restrained. He quickly ducked his head and turned from view, not wishing to face the eyes that looked at him with such love and forgiveness.. Drip, drip, drip...After all the promises Peter had made to never leave Christ's side, he had left him at the cross, denied he even knew him, he stifled the sob that that was in his throat, straightened his back, leaned towards the fire and tried to ease the discomfort of the long silence between them. He remembered the day Jesus called him the Rock,.. he was anything but a rock right now, anything but strong..
"Feed my sheep" Jesus said in a voice almost inaudible.
Peter glanced at Jesus, it was all he could bare at the moment, but he had to know, was Christ angry, dissapointed, hurt? The eyes of peace stared back at him as they always had, as they had before he had denied him, ...
Jesus had long called the people he had touched and ministered to the sheep, even gentiles..but, he did more than talk, he touched them, healed them, broke bread with them, knew them, stayed in their homes, laughed at their stories, played with the children in the meadow nearbye, he spoke of promise, and rebuked their staunch religious thinking that had caused them to not help one another, he was very much like a shepherd, who at night watched over the flocks, kept the wolves at bay, willing to give even his own life to pro..tec..t.. them Clarity... ...Drip, drip, drip....
"Peter , do you Love me, as your God? " Peter looked into the face of Christ, radiantly bathed in the last rays of sunlight, absolute love, absolute peace stood before him, Peter recalled Jesus saying "I will make you fishers of men", but today, Peter was anything but a fisher of men, in fact he was Not the rock Christ had told him he would be- Not the foundation for a church, and he was Not the Disciple, because he had walked away in fear and loss, and He was not a Fisher of men either, because right now as he sat dripping before his Savior, he had been fishing, for fish, not people. And yet, he had the audacity to say HE loved Christ, He had the nerve to sit in his dripping clothes, and say. You know I love you- but if loving meant serving Him as God...He had fallen horribly short.
Tears fell streaming down his cheeks in unchecked abandon, his voice trembled and was broken as he spoke, this time with conviction-"yes Lord, You know I love you!"
Sobs of remorse and understanding, racked his body, he was facing himself as he had failed to do anytime before, and thoughts ran through his head in rapid fire.Words are easy God, he thought, but faith is hard, I have given you words, not action, I have made your promises, but walked away, I have said I would never leave or betray you, but left you at the cross, and in the job you told me to accomplish I abandoned ship on it, and went fishing instead. Back to my old life, my old ways, my old thoughts..... I have fed no-one....Drip, drip ,drip....
Jesus stooped nearby, and poked the fire, then lifted Peter to his feet, in a gentle response he laid his hand on Peters trembling shoulders and said "Feed my sheep."
He pulled at the tunic Peter was wearing and pointed to a low hanging branch near the fire, Peter knowingly responded, and Jesus handed him his own cloak, saying "When you were a boy, you dressed yourself, you cinched your own garment tightly to yourself, ( Peter recalled doing that very thing just before he dove off the boat, with a rye smile he realized God had spoken to him, without his even knowing it in that action, for he was already in his loin cloth on the water, it would have been much easier for him to not have put on his cloak to jump in, but he had, and now Jesus was looking at his face with a half smile of amusement, tugging the garment snugger around Peters waste, and adding " but when you are old, someone else will dress you and care for you, and guide you"he said with a final glance and nod of approval.
Peter looked at his warm dry garment, and back into the masters eyes, and allowed fresh tears to fall, this time because he comprehended he was forgiven , and restored. Christ was not done with him yet! Yes Lord, I will follow you, I will die to myself and allow what you want to be fulfilled in me, I will let you be my provision, and my covering and my caretaker. I have been foolish and wandered long enough on my own, immature and lost without you, But Messiah I will learn to lead,and tend the sheep as you teach me to do, in your love, and with your grace, and because I know who to follow.
I love you Lord, I will Feed your Sheep.

This is a work of fiction, based on the Biblical story of Peter and Christ in John 21. It is meant not to be taken literally, but to increase your understanding, of traditions of Jesus era, to encourage your sense of purposing, of forgiveness, and of the great commission, and the value of souls to Christ. I pray it blesses and encourages you, For even though we are as faulted and broken as Peter, we can draw near to Christ, and let him lead us, direct us, and enlighten us, so that we can touch the lives of others more effectively!

Out of the ash bin, Christ restoring love out of sin and regret

2011-10-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

I am a people watcher, it's an inherit trait I'm afraid. My Dad used to take me to coffee at Denny's as a teen. We would sit and watch people walk in and out of the coffee shop, carrying their life baggage of trouble, disheveled clothing, morning swagger, a thousand little details most would miss, and we watched. You could really see when a life was worn down by hardships. Crease lines on their faces, wrinkles deep around the eyes and above the brows set in a face long worn by ache said it all. Or, there were those who's creases of life, showed in their smile lines, but there definitely was a distinctive marking that personified one persons life walk over another's.

There is as well, a demeanor to someone not straddled to the baggage of their lives, shoulders are not slumped as though carrying a burden, voices are lighter, tones are more expressive and views more positive. It is not that they have not seen troubles or felt of heartache. It is more that they chose to not carry it. Then there are those, who are so overwhelmed by unrepentant sin they have DE-sensitized themselves to the cost of it, as an example:
A weary man sat in a clinic awaiting his testing, disgruntled that the doctors were putting his life on hold. He ignored the fact that their were requirements made of him to fast, the hours previous to his operation, opting to eat in the middle of the night. He ignored the fact that his paperwork clearly stated to not take any medications prior to his operation and took what he always did with a chaser of vodka and two pills more than prescribed. In this state of medicated numbness he has had to miss a thousand precious moments with family, playing with grandchildren, dinners and family planned activities. Birthdays and holidays are all a haze, while family members ache at the loss of a person they have watched die to the known real world, staring at a soul they love who rarely comes out from the haze of addiction. He is bound, so much so that he cannot even admit to himself he abuses what is given him. He is drowning out the known world for a medicated stupor that desensitizes his memory and numbs out his emotions. It all breaks down to this, Regret and Sin.

We all have baggage lovies, all of us. Hurts that were spoken into us as children, abuses done to us, incidents that have scarred our inner man that no one will ever see or know. We have buried them but they speak out in emotional spurts of anger, depression, aggression or emotional and physical abuse. They are hidden in our use of drugs or our alcoholism. They are repressed and cause to be cold, withdrawn and bitter. The baggage is still there and whether we acknowledge it or not, everyone CAN see what your carrying. Some have handed the heaviness over to God knowing there is no way to carry our lives of hurt around without being burdened by its weight. It takes a strong strong soul to confess they need Gods hand to recover.

It reminds me of when Jonah came to Nineveh. He didn't want to go anywhere near that wretched place, nor speak to those vile sinful people. God had to virtually swallow up Jonah's pride to restore him. What a hard lesson to learn on humility! I guarantee his time sitting and thinking in the pitch black of acid waste was a wake up call like no other! "You cannot run from me Jonah! Fulfill your purpose!, was the voice of Gods reasoning to Jonahs resistance. The realities that he faced were real. Death, slow and agonizing, completely alone stared him in the eye. No one would know what had become of him. None would realize the gravity and despair of his heart since he had walked away from Gods will. Then he caught hold of it, that WAS Nineveh! That was the people God had wanted him to talk to. Lost without knowing where they were headed! Nothing can touch our hearts as radically as identifying with others pain via experiencing it ourselves! When Jonah came into agreement with God he was spit onto the dry land of his resistance. He faced those he wanted to hate but no longer could. Can you imagine what the radical preaching a man saved from his own destruction would be like? Passionate words spilled into a people as absolutely lost as Jonah was in the whale, and like wildfire the reality of God sent sparks of revelation from soul to soul to soul! Until at last it met its peak in the kings ear.

How amazing is it that the city spoke to the King, and not Jonah? That the city showed a King what restoration looked like and in turn he to was fueled towards repentance! Covering himself in sack cloth and ashes, he plunked himself in the lowest place a man of his position could ever get to, the trash heap! Reducing himself and his pride and his stature to the place of utter and total submission. He encountered the truest form of understanding, the fullness of Grace. WOW!

Perhaps there is an area you can identify with in this. That Like Jonah you may be sitting in the dark acidic, putrid belly of poor decisions made in disobedience to God. And in that you also can see how it would immobilize you. Lets admit it, if you cannot face God with where you are, in the whale of disobedience, you wont be able to see where you are headed either. Time to hit dry land!

See the king never had a knowledge or understanding of who God was, but what he did have is the smarts to realize he needed to be in the right place, and to do the right thing! His did not consider his pride more important than getting right before God. And baby that is where we need to be to. It is not worth it to stay hidden when it is eating us alive. We need to come out and face the son again. We need to lay ourselves smack dab in the pile of ashes and mess we have made of things, and say Enough!!! If there is more of God to be had then, I want more! I will not let anything of me remain. I wont allow pride to sway me, sin to delay me, or my emotions to waylay me. The time to allow God to make something beautiful of my life, is NOW! Come out of the ash bin of your Nineveh, out of the Belly of disappointment, disillusionment and disobedience. Come into the one and only flame of Christ that can turn your ash bin into something of beauty! Lovies, allow God to change your repentance into restoration!

Father, I pray for those who read this, Jesus love on us, lavishly, settle today in our hearts and minds and Spirits the need to know you more. Father I pray nothing of selfish pride will keep us from you. Jesus, kindle the flame and burn away that old sinful man. Mighty God, make us a beautiful soul restored by your Grace. Tender us by your mercies and strengthen us by your love. Renew our walks to a more genuine stance, able to admit fault and walk fully in your amazing restorative power. Touch us oh Lord, in a mighty, healing and powerful way! AMEN

Just some random Alien thoughts from a spaced out Ragamuffin girl....

2011-08-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

This is not my body! How did it get like this?
It's like I woke up and had slept wrong or something..I got up achy, tired looking ,added a few more wrinkles, and noticed I jiggle more. Jiggling, is soooo not good. I have not seen the body I had as a teen in a coons age-so I can't even hope to obtain that stance again,( I like that saying by the way, "In a coons age" I don't know why, Coons must live a long long time which really isn't my objective.OK random, moving on)
My body is the one I had about two yrs back, not skinny mini, but not queen of jiggly bits either. Queen of jiggly bits crept in on me unaware. I really believe that aliens have taken over our bodies.Think about it -We had ones we liked once, then poof,alien body take over and we transformed into living jello molds! ( And for that matter they have not yet gotten to the skinny minis remaining, so, Be afraid be very afraid!)
I used to say it was my mission to have everyone gain a tremendous amount of weight,so that I will LOOK skinny when I hang out with you, it was a diabolical plan, but unfortunately I can't resist the brownies any better than you can, and therefore I jiggle at the same rate as you do..Well some of you anyway( Incidentally I am having sign twirlers arrive at ALL the skinny peoples homes I know, so the aliens can easily find you as part of my New evil plan! Bwahaha) ( Yeah yeah I know, move on-)

Life and time add up on a body, like mile markers,at 20- I was thin, had a baby, another baby, and yet another baby and would swear that snack packs, oreos and spaghettios were survival foods, and that sleeping almost standing up was normal- in the 30's I put a few pounds on, but I dont know how( alien infusion?something like reversed lipo) Housework and homework and screaming at baseball fields about teamwork, and corn dogs and anything with cheese took over. Marriage blues and way to much stress took me under, and learning to run in multiple directions at once,made me gumby mom! Still I had my little jigglies..
In the 40's I tried to change the tide, and I did for a little bit, Walking a crazy route on top of rocks, through trees, across marshes and through wooded areas,but then I moved away from the 20 acre woods and farm lands I loved to hike through,and so I pretty much stopped walking.( Tennessee woods scare me, big snakes, hunters in suspenders and no shirts, tics as big as Texas, I NO like. And I have this desire to want to see nature better than it can see me!) I drink wayyyyyyyyyy to much coffee ( Never surrender never say Die! Coffee and I are tight like that) and the last year I have taken to a genuine love affair with ice cream. I Divorced in the 40's, man is that ever a harsh weight loss plan! Lost all my baby weight, and even the oreo weight and later remarried to a man who loves brownies as much as I do, and gained it back with love handles besides, I tell you I think that's alien karma.

OK, so I can't really blame everything on aliens.And No, I don't believe in them. Although I have met some very strange folks who honestly believe some very odd things. they kind of remind me of aliens, outer worldly and all, Some more so than others. ( I remember some guys in my highschool who ran around saying bleep, bleep, bleep in school with tinfoil antenna caps on their head, Okey dokey! More than likely they are devastatingly handsome and as wealthy as Donald ( I need to get a new hairstyle)Trump, but originally they were the fellows with the taped up glasses and plaid pants that you scooted away from in school, not because they were viral or smelly, just because they were really, really, weird! Another rabbit trail, sorry : / )

For instance a thought process I find odd is this, Why people think angels are so amazing? No seriously, ( Not that they aren't amazing, don't get your feathers in a twist) but I know people who have a gazillian angel figurines lying all over their house and they read all the angel stories they can get their hands on, total angel freaks, yet they adore a creation more than they do a creator even saying something along the lines of, "Well I don't really believe in God " "WHAT? you believe in angels but ya don't believe in God? hello, thunk thunk is anybody in there? (Why do I hear twilight zone music?) Are ya not realizing or soaking in the fact that it is God who sends angels to help?
They don't work by their own design their commissioned, When I hear those inspiring stories of angels, I don't think wow, what amazing angels, I think WOW what an amazing God, who would love me and others enough to send protection, healing, salvation or words of Hope and rescue- via messengers. How cool..You make no sense my little space cadet. Can you not see there is a truly loving God, who adores you enough to be real to you in a thousand ways both miraculous and simple? He is a whole lot more awesome than the fat little cherub you bought at the dollar store.
And why do people think its cool to wear a cross on their neck and then say a whole lot of words about God that make you wanna run with your fingers in your ears- screaming LA LA LA I don't hear you! ( OK maybe that's just me) See to me wearing a cross is about loving the beautiful King who died on it, understanding the gift in it- are ya hearing me? It's a symbol of love, beauty, transparency, hope, restoration, salvation, and its a story of victory. Your missing it! How sad.
And why do people always come up with the reason they don't come to church is because there are to many hypocrites in it, OK, so your the perfect representation of sainthood then? No ? hmm, Well if a hypocrites ever gonna get fixed don't ya think it should be in a place that might help them get the fixing? And while your at it, unless your really do lead a perfect life, no sin, spankin white .. Well baby, you belong with the rest of us..eh hem., 2nd pew from the back, I will scoot right over!
And why do people follow after the weirdest mindsets in cults about becoming a God or like God,Are you for real? Dude have you seen yourself in the morning? You got drool on your chin and whilst it is a possibility you could in a fell swoop kill a whole lot of people without lifting a finger ( yeah, its called morning breath)that's about all the power ya got,oh that and that not so stealthy armpit thing ya got going there.
So I'm thinking No.Your not really gonna go there oh high priest of twinkie town are ya? Oh Goddess of tarot and palm reading (Who joined arms with, oh whats her name again, one of the Jacksons sisters...drat I cant remember! Well that's the lasting imprint she left on me..Zzz) hey lady... Talk to the hand girl, cuz I aint coming anywhere near your rule of drool!

And why do we believe in the church today that ready acceptance is better than repentance? If we accept all sinful behavior in FEAR of dealing with their fruits, we really are not far from being rotten fruit ourselves, and believe me if this is the pot of new wine every ones raving about, NO THANKS its rancid with stuff I don't want to drink!!!

And why do we teach, preach and talk about the gifts in the body of Christ and then refuse to relinquish control long enough to let anyone use them, isn't that a tad weird? Kinda like saying wow look at my present, and 20 yrs later still having it sit on the shelf unwrapped..Hellooooo.... No wonder we are stagnant and dusty, no wonder the church is groaning instead of growing, and there is more growth than in numbers, try this thought on for size, GROWING PEOPLE SPIRITUALLY ( Can we do that? mmm yeah , its perfectly acceptable to count fruits more than heads!) (Watch out for those old prunes though, they don't like new growth much, stickn to the old ways is better, yup, almost as good as dying on the vine) Listen the way to grow is to let the move of God, MOVE! To encourage , to lift, to counsel, to promote growth and maturity in Christ! No wonder the fields are ripe and their are no laborers, we refuse to teach and enable and then follow through and do something with the giftings. Good Grief, that's just bizarre!

Hunny what is alien to me is all the stuff we accept into our hearts and minds, about God, about sin, about each other, and about whats right and wrong, because I believe, its a few planets off from the SON.
I don't ever want to come to a place where the things of God and the heart of God are far from me, its far more important to me to take my jiggly bits and Run to Him, (in essence becoming more and more an alien to the WORLD) than it it is to gain favor, climb up the ladder, be infamous, or gain a fortune,or improve my title-All of which are things we have made more valuable and more sought after,than relationship with Christ and with one another..
Shes an Alien an Alien I know....I actually can handle that, as long as its about HIM I will gladly take a ride on the God side. Hows about you, Rocket man? Ready to step away from all the junk and head into a whole new world?
Hey , I want to go where No generation has gone before- full throttle, and Unashamed for Jesus! Nothing holding me back, not even a few pounds, speaking of which- does that tractor beam have the ability to slice me down a couple of sizes? No huh? Figures...( Dang it worked in Galaxy quest to..that's so not right.....) OK ,Grab the oreo's and the coffee bro, Roll your Jiggly self ova, and we will keep our eyes to the skies! Beam US up Scotty!

Under the broom tree

2011-08-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

I like Elijah, I can almost picture his white beard flowing in the style of his time but a tad less groomed than his peers, after all most prophets tended to be a bit nomadic ,so my guess they were heavy on the visionary side of things light on the appearance side. Tents and desert wanderings were not at all unfamiliar to him but certainly the pomp of royalty that he had come to bring this message to were in stark contrast to his humble stance.
Oh we like to believe that prophets of yesteryear were much like we know today.A self proclaimed toot my own horn vanity in double breasted suits ( or for the prophets back in the day- gold lined tunics) we have certainly grown used to a prophets messages of today being more of seeking fortune- for telling your fortune, then simply giving a message of reform and restoration as the prophets of old did, we prefer warm and fuzzy to life changing and convicting. The Holy men of old weren't about being worldy eye candy,they were about bringing Gods message and giving him Glory.
No, good old Elijah walked out his life from a much more simplistic and humble standing.
I don't believe his demeanor portrayed any Spiritual weakness, he was strong in a sound inner knowledge. Which made him a highly esteemed peer and a very respectable man- a gentle talker with weathered lines of wisdom and laughter etched on his face. A man people listened to because the manner in which he carried himself demanded respect without uttering a word, it was simply who he was..
I believe he carried his calling with such humility that guards nearby simply kept him in a tentative view relaxing their grip on swords and eyeing him almost mockingly.( Like were not afraid of the big bad Elijah) A thousand Godly priests before him had already came and died for their faith, But Elijah stood unwavering- with the God given assurance he walked in Holy authority, and the powers of hell shrank back in acknowledgement and fear.
Elijah, clears his voice- and speaks in low somber tones of a challenge that his adversaries could not resist, "Let us both pray to our God, and the God who is real will bring the fire for a burnt offering.".( paraphrased ) Well they couldn't very well shrink back from such an offer, to do so would be paramount to saying their Gods did not exist and Jezebel wasn't having it! After all temples were erected in honor of her Gods and she herself had commissioned statues and idols cast in Gold and laden in jewels in their images.
She had already made a mockery of Elijah's God and his worshippers. Pursuing the priest, mocking and then as a last testimony of cruelty viciously murdering them for their faith. What audacity this man Elijah had! Of course they would take the challenge- her responses tinged with poison, this vile harlot of idolatry in every way mocked Gods sovereignty.
Along came solemn processions of chanting priests covered in ash and waling loudly before their Gods. Thrashing about in a mad conglomeration of wreathing sacrificial abandon.Hissing and screaming in fevered adoration and fervent prayers they circled the offering pensively, cutting their flesh and taring their garments, hour after hour of maddening contortion and clamor, the incessant screaming stilled until one by one finally fell exhausted to the wayside, notably silent.
Not even a puff of smoke.How odd..
Elijah offered some closing ideas.."Perhaps they are sleeping? "( with all that noise? really?!) Wake them, get a little louder, scream , dance, hop on one foot maybe? (No, he didn't really say that last bit, that was from me, active imagination this..). I think though he did have a little fun at their expense while he was waiting.Human nature you know..
After hours of travail with no action, angry and exhausted they dejectedly led Elijah to the offering.

Elijah lined up servants and had them to one after another fill their water jars and pour container after container over the offering, dousing any shred of dryness until there could be no doubt to anyone seeing, to light this offering up it was going to take an extra special God.
Water dripped into the caverns of the offering and settled in puddles over the side, and poured out to the wading feet of Gods prophet. One can almost picture the soft swoosh of his sandals as they hit the wet ground as he stood and addressed the waiting crowds.
And then.. he prayed, not in a fervor of excited wales nor in the scuffle of barbaric dance and demonically shrieked prayers but in a strength and assurance not his own . He prayed and presence and power hit the walls and surroundings in waves of electric current -filling the courtyards with a sense of electricity so acute prickles of heat coursed over their bodies and covered them in a fearful thoroughly drenched sweat.
The atmosphere was charged with the imprint of God almighty! And when it at last felt it would com bust from tangible presence!and then it happened...
His spirit came down in a bolt of swift fire expanding over the entire circumference of the offering, heads turned from the massive body of heat but peered out of the corners of their eyes in awe.Coursing intense light fell in streaks of red, blue, orange and yellow with such an intensity that the flame forced the crowds to further back up at already fifty feet away . transfixed they stood watching as this massive body of flame incinerated the offering, in a tornado of heat, it exited vacuuming up ash and char, and licked up the residue leaving only trails of mist- and the tsss tsss sound as heat hit water and extinguished it into vapor.
The remaining waft of smoke was strangely scented, not of the animals left on the offering, but of ? of? What was that smell? Slowly recognition hit them- the thick essence of burial perfumes permeated the air in the scent of myrrh and frankincense. An uneasiness settled over the crowd. In stunned silence people stood transfixed. Time ticked by in those moments heavy with fear- then the tide of faces started slowly shifting from a nervous murmur into a somber slow muddled cry- until entire throngs lay face down weeping in anguish and remorse to the one true God in a plead for mercy..

Of course for the better part, I can only imagine these images, but it is mostly how the story goes.

So it is hard for most of us to imagine, when that same man who faced fierce warriors sent to kill Gods priests, and that exact same man who mocked a kings Gods and put his sopping footprints on the backside of an evil queens pride, the same exact guy who would stand boldly and make a proclamation with absolute assurance that His God would meet him there, had suddenly turned tails and ran in fear. How can that be? now that's REALLY odd!

I don't think it was as odd as one might consider. He had spent likely a good deal of time in fasting and prayer before this meeting. He had focused so strongly on Gods power and purposing for this tension filled event that his focus had little time to consider any other possibilities or remaining threats. This guy was undeniably purpose driven.
And just like us when the event we have worked towards for months is through, and we suddenly face the after math with the resources we have left,were wiped out- spiritually speaking I believe poor old Elijah was just out and out.. exhausted.
He had faced demonic encounters and without even realizing how they dissipate energy he had tapped out. Suddenly he faced an angry pride filled woman, who's Gods had not only been mocked they had been obliterated, and watched as an army mounted up in pursuit of his life, he was tired , defense,less, and riding on fumes..
We do that We fight the good fight, we stand and travail .We pray and weep before God in intercession and usually come out exhausted, and that's without the added effects of demonic warfare! Throw that in for Good measure and you might just find yourself right about where Elijah did, running for your life, in the solace of the desert and praying for a swift end beneath a broom tree.
I have only had a couple of encounters with a Spiritual foe in this capacity but I know enough to say, it left me physically exhausted in the extreme, it left me entirely drained in the Spiritual sense ,and yes, even praying God would take me home.
Not so much from fear of the advisory, no not really, merely from desire to be done with the battle and longing to be left to rest.
Elijah felt alone in this place because in terms of humanness, well, he was alone. The friends and peers he respected had to his knowledge all died, and mourning hit him like a ton of bricks. He, as it seemed was all that was left, he was despised ,sought after, and thought no-one that he grown to know or love, remained.
Like the Lord on Damascus road he walked the loneliest mile through a desert, and all he had known and loved was no where in sight. Like the Lord he had followed Gods plan, and well, felt a bit like having the cup pass him by, easy way out in this scenario for Elijah, was to call it quits and head on Home to the big guy in the sky, that's almost sensible. Well if your beyond exhausted and heartbroke it seems sensible anyway.
You know what is more unusual to me in this scenario? That God waited for Elijah to rest, in fact, parallel to most Christians ways of thinking, He did not call Elijah a failure for seeking solace ( which is what we most often do when a person having gone through fierce hardship begins to weep and beg God for mercy in the Broom tree places of our lives. ) Gods rational is not like mans, He knows we need rest from battle, He knows he will overcome the circumstance but He allows for the vehicles he uses, i. e . "US" - to take a solace, to have a breakdown moment or two and to rest our weary souls under a temporary shade..
Ever seen a broom tree? Not much for cool rest to depend on there. Again its a temporary place to be under the broom tree, its for resting weary bones after long battles and rejuvenating souls, not to build a residence in. However a lot of times when we have been under hardship, heartache, disappointment, discouragement, loss and the draining force of spiritual battle, we oft times want to just stay under the one teeny tiny remnant of shade we can find, have ourselves a good long standing pity party there, curl up in a chubby ball( well in my case chubby) and call it done.
I know for me, the broom tree has come and gone a few times, what I have noted is, its not a comfy place for very long, in the heat of retreat it offers only temporary shade and only temporary comfort, because the real resting place, is where ever Gods Will for us resides. Staying under the broom tree to long makes us restless and sunburned. and, is pretty boring really.
Not that I like battle to much either, that's exhausting, but you know what I do like?
I like it when I know the undeniable hand of God is resting on me in powerful ways and that only happens when I am motivated to move back out from under the covering and head back into the war-
I like facing Goliaths in God and walking away victorious.
I like it when I have faced the spiritual realm and have called on a mighty God, and watched as his Spirit MOVED with Fire!
I like it that when the adversary comes to kill steal and destroy the voice of God within me,and then God SPEAKS with certainty and moves with power before me and on my behalf.
I like it when I can see it happen, and I know I can't see it - if I am playing patty cake to long under the broom tree.

Hang in there People of God, rest in HIM. but keep in mind, its just a break- you still gotta get ready for the good stuff! and the Good stuff will always be where we can See him move in power, right back out in the battlefield we took solace from.
If we are real honest we will have to admit we would far rather be in the thick of Gods movement fighting and praying like mad, then in the pitiful,lonely, weary shade of the broom tree.
So beloved, where ever you are in the Lord, whether the thick of battle or the thin wisps of the broom tree, Just KNOW God is still there, that He is not leaving you alone, ( and Yes, there are others saints in battle and you need to find them!) Your not the only warrior, going through the only battlefield all by yourself, your not abandoned, your not powerless, a Mighty God enables you day by day to take rest, to fight another day, Hang in there..and when its time, come out from under your broom tree refreshed and prepared to kick some demonic booty!
Amen? and Amen! Go get em' Tiger!

Whats NOT to be Excited about? Experiencing God, unplugged!

2011-08-02T17:47:00.000-07:00

Many times I have heard fellow believers speaking on seeking after God almost like a great adventure, as if He is lost and we have to find Him ,they seek him out in revival meetings, in churches focusing on special speakers, they seek Him out in coliseums and football fields, and I wonder, why isn’t He at home? Why is He not being found in our church, in our town, in our circumstances? Why do we have to leave and find him elsewhere? Hmm. Good question.

I remember the teens coming back from camp and from weekend conferences, and being so intensely fired up that you would think someone lit them up with matches, but over time, the zeal dwindled down to day to day, and sometimes they even completely walked away.. I remember how their zeal re- stoked the church, excited voices and excited emotions mingled in with corporate praise and lit a room with expectation.. ah that’s the word, EXPECTATION.

We have let our expectations of God, become traditions of man, hunny they aren’t even in the same realm! We have allowed agenda and bulletins and programs surpass Presence. We watch our watches and the minute it passes 20 minutes of praise and worship( or less) we shuffle our Bible into place and push the pulpit forward. I am not saying its wrong to have the Word of God, but the Word should be enhancing the praise and visa versa, but, in most cases we have become so stagnantly committed to program that we entirely dismiss further pursuing presence. Can someone Please tell me why that is?

I can tell you what I believe it is, but your not gonna like it. I believe we think that Gods spirit needs our help. We believe that if we don’t fill those moments with our words God won’t be known. We believe that what we have prepared and felt from God wont be told to others if we let Go and let him take over, And yet we profess to believe his Spirit can convict , change, renew, awaken and modify above and beyond anything we can do. So, which is it? Can God handle service on His own, or does he need us? Mind you, I am not saying the Word of God is not important or relevant,( Gods Word is pivotal!) but what I am saying is, His words can and should mingle with presence, and perhaps, mind you , just perhaps, He will STILL speak them without them being from the pulpit.

Expectancy- that’s a beautiful word, indeed a beautiful expression of what our hearts should be doing when we gather together in praise, Why have we stepped away from it?
I believe over all, we have let agenda and time allotments, and programs rule our thinking. We have in essence tied our own hands with normality and are no longer looking for an outpouring or rejuvenation. While balance is important in the body, so is comprehending that God in all ways and by all means should be Glorified. That his name and exalting him should never take a back seat to a bulletin, nor to hand shaking and pot luck.
We have a lot of times made church far more of a social hour, and a get together than a place to corporately raise God in praise. Which explains why we love concerts and conferences and retreats so much, it takes us from standard church as usual, and puts us into an air of expectancy, we go there desiring a shift and change in our lives,

And oft times we do find it there. What a shame ! Because in truth we should be finding it, well, everywhere. But Particularly in our church, and I cannot fathom why we can turn up the music full blast in our cars and homes and dance like idiots to footloose, or scream bloody murder to a football hero who just fumbled in outfield, and we cannot let go and let God ROCK HIS HOUSE> His earthly house, his portable house and any other house God wants to rock.mmm, mmm, mmm, TRUTH.

I want to challenge you saints, you ministers of God, set the atmosphere for expectancy. Change your agendas, change your programs, change you Mind. Who said it had to be church as usual? Haven’t you yourself been craving more? Well commit to more!

Set the air of your church by putting the fragrance of praise in the air before the doors to the sanctuary are opened, have the worship teams pray and get in the spirit before their feet hit the floors of the stage, have the atmosphere around them as welcoming to the spirit and untie their hands so they can move with where God is going. Allow your church to have a better understanding of corporate praise by setting their minds to it, inform them of changes and begin to move away from stoic programming and catapulting into a Presence first mentality.- its not hard to wrap your minds around these theories, when you consider this thought, David wasn’t a man after Gods heart because of anything he did to impress God,( we tend to think temples, and services, and alters and ceremonies are impressive) the temples didn’t thrill God, the stoic priests did not charm his ears, but David laying himself entirely real, entirely bare, dancing and singing, and Loving God full throttle,now that got Gods attention!

Beloved heaven wont be about sermons laced with a thousand rabbit trailed stories,(and FYI we wont enlighten God with what we disclose about him up there,he not only wrote the book HE IS THE BOOK) but we WILL be praising Him ( Yeah, even the ones with bolders weighing ten tons who cant manage to lift a hand in praise, yep, you guys will be waving those hands in the air and praising like you just don’t care- up there!) So I say we might as well get the hang of it now, LET Go, Let God be the most exciting thing you have experienced in Church and in life, because,( Hellllloooooo) HE IS the most exciting thing you can experience.

Beautiful father God take out my man agendas, and my small thinking and expand my territories and my tents of praise- because I want to experience you God, I want to undo my sandals and walk on Holy ground, I want to walk in your midst until your face is shining off me, I want to radiate, I want to dance like David, I want to sing til' my throat gets scratchy,( and I get that real cool Carly Simmon voice) I want to give you Glory Lord, because YOUR worthy ! AMEN.

People of distinction

2011-05-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

When we speak on end times, we get a wide array of opinions and thoughts on when the last moments will tally up. My impression in the Lord is it will be sooner than we think. The reason I say that, is not only the signs,(for indeed their have been signs throughout the centuries) but never the less there seems to be a fell swoop of signs pointing towards change in the last year alone. Does it mean tomorrow, well, maybe not, but see it doesn't matter if its tomorrow or next year or five years hence.

It matters a great deal that YOUR where you need to be and that your mind and thoughts are not slipping into a lazy stance, because this is where deception finds an easy and sure footing. Church, we have no discipline, we have allowed all manner of lies and half truths to infiltrate the body. False teachers, false prophets, and false movements abound.. And we accept them, shaking off the fears and instincts God gave us to satisfy whatever carnal desire it is we have for MORE.

Regarding false prophets who ask to get for what they give. Is it maybe just that we want more money, or stuff, or fluffy promises of a brighter tomorrow? We stand in lines and pay someone hundreds or even thousands of dollars to receive more. Now mind you all they are giving us is a prayer, (which most saints will give you with tons of faith added in at no charge, and sprinkles of hugs included as love tax, but we prefer to pay our way from a man with a self imposed title of prophet to get prayer rather than receive one from our tried and true Sis- little grey haired Mary Anne's heartfelt one, (the names been changed to protect a thousand beautiful saints who pray radically for people daily, Bless your beautiful hearts!) Oh but there will be a souvenir stand just outside the door where you can buy reminders of your warm fuzzy at trumped up prices for a pen flashlight that says "BAM, you've been shmoozed for God!"

You get what you pay for, a good show, lively entertainment, and less money in your pocket. Now part of what you got from this guy were some nice words, made you feel good, very inspiring, but did your soul change, did your world shift, did you go full circle and cause revival, touch souls? Did you become a radical? was your world turned upside down? No,? just specially for you eh? OK lovely, think on this, the Prophets of old purposing was to change, rebuke, and cause revival in the kingdom. They were messengers for a purpose. If it doesn't change a Kingdom, (even if its your own Kingdom) its a word, not a prophetic ministry, a word. You paid for a warm fuzzy. But today, prophets oft times come with threats, rebukes, and subtle remarks that don't chastise you to change, they chastise you to pay up. So really you got a cold and nasty right before you got your warm fuzzy.
Where as back in the day of the old prophets when a vision or word was given, it brought your view TO God, but now, the view is on you. Hmm, Interesting..

How can any man who professes to honor God, speak down to, threaten, and claim ill over another believer.?.think hard, is that how JESUS responded to others? No baby it is not, neither did he charge them, but he did,change them and he did offer good to them, but never ever do you find anywhere where the prophet of all prophets, Jesus Christ - Charged them.. Gonna make a point here your probably NOT going to want to hear. See you've come into agreement with such things not because there aren't warning bells going off, but because we shut off the alarm system..and why do we do that? Well, because we WANT something, usually we want a green something..Plain and simple we are selfish. So gonna ask you this.. Do You worship GOD or MAMMON? (money) Jesus called money filthy, the root of evil, etc. Do we honor God when we give to get? better get real beloved..that's a NO.

False teachings also abound, ideas passed down from generations of folk who because it was told to them by someone in authority simply believe it. Ironically this reminds me of the old saying if your friends jumped off the Cliff would you? The answer alot of times is the church saying emphatically, "Where's the cliff?" I encourage,(better yet beg you!) to check everything you learn or hear, with the word of God, and not only that ..but, look into the history, read the entire chapter, not just the verse referred to, read the history that went with the situations, read the after, the before, the middle, read the footnotes, read the Hebrew meaning, or the Greek- find the intent behind the content, because we are passing down stuff and nonsense that is a "believed" thing, and not an UNDERSTOOD one. Don't follow anyone just because they are a leader, if bad words or thoughts come out of that man or woman consistently (we can all make a mistake now and then, but I am saying error after error) Then get yourself to a new place and teaching!!

False movements, oh yes beloved there are oodles of those..My firm belief is that every false movement in God was preceded by someone who had something genuine, but the minute it goes global, the minute it spills out into the church and becomes a fad, or popular thing to do we are beginning to move in learned behaviors and not the spirit. Learned behaviors are bad because they falsify the genuine, they drum up experience and heighten it to dramatic proportions and then when it plummets, it carries a tsunami of people crashing down with it, leaving people hungering for real, or falling for anything that brings the false atmosphere back, or causing them to completely leave the body forever, because they sense the false and believe all things God are untrue. Step away from fads, popular sayings, popular quotes, popular theologies, if they have become faddish and a tag to your faith - Remember the word of God is fresh, new, powerful and multifaceted, the move of God is life changing, it doesn't need our drummed up responses to make it more legitimate, God can stand on his own.

God is calling a people out, they are strong and determined in the Lord, they use the word of God as a meter and a balance , they seek God hungry and will NOT be denied, they follow passionately and without allowing nonsense to dictate their common sense, they stand out from the crowds and are not intimidated into conforming, they are willing to speak up when there is falseness or evil intent. They are warriors prepared for battle, their lamps are full, they know the Word and yield it with truth and compassion, strong, righteous, ready, a People of distinction. Are you going to be one of them?

The signature of Authentic Love

2010-04-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

Someone sent me an ad on craigslist the other day, in it was a picture of an old leather bound Bible from somewhere around the victorian era. The advertisement read this way, " I have an autographed bible. It's really old but is still in really good condition for it's age. It was signed by the actual Jesus Christ of Nazareth. I have never heard of another bible being signed from Jesus Christ before so this is very rare. I bought it at an antique store a few years ago for 3,450 dollars, the guy at the store told me it was checked by an expert and is legit. It even has paper work with it that proves that it is real. I am only selling it for 700 dollars because I just recently lost my job and have to make rent in 3 days. This is my best offer. No low balling."
Funny? Yes it is. The ironicy is, many of us sell a version of Jesus we think is legitimate to others much the same way, The World scrutinizes our moves as Christians, what we say and do is studied with a microscopic view, and all to often we are found wanting. Do I think we have to be perfect? No, as I would be the first one to fail the high standards I would love to live up to.
I remember talking with a lady once who had a life full of scrutiny towards others. Her standards were so high and her tolerance so low, that no one could quite live up to her version of perfection. As a worship leader her constant commando attitude caused a great deal of problems and friction in the worship team. One day she told me, Tara, dont you believe what the word of God says" Be perfect, as I am Perfect" admittedly, her reproach knocked me off. I had to answer her honestly, that I didnt even want to try to be perfect, because to me, that was something only Jesus could be. To me, trying to attain this thinking was saying I want to be on his level. Furthermore, my imperfections and that of my team, were what kept us humble and softened towards God, all of which, in terms of worship, I thought were good things. On studying that scripture reference more, I realized the literal translation in the greek/hebrew, was be complete, as I am complete. How was Jesus complete? He weighed his heart, his actions, and his attitude by what pleased his father, he dwelt with his Father in all he did, and his world was complete because of that dwelling. He was living in fullness because he lived in presence.
Jesus lived authenticly, he sat down and had a good meal with people with bad reputations, oh folks snickered, and they rumoured, but there he was with Pagans and tax collectors, Harlots and refuse. He spoke words of forgiveness, and then showed he meant it by being inclusive rather than exclusive.
In my walk with God I have seen a lot, while going through my divorce my world had become a shattered and torn mess. I stepped back and viewed my life as an outsider looking in, because up until that time, I had lived for God, in a very self righteous way. I believed that by my behaving myself, and helping in anyway I could, and by stretching myself in whatever direction I was needed, that people would see my heart for God, and would judge me accordingly. Divorce does not do that, divorce casts an ugly shadow on a Christian, that says, your not up to par, you failed. Frankly we all fail, fall short, and end up with battered bodies and scraped up knees at times. But somehow in this circumstance all the other times I fell short, were not like this time. I looked at myself in this place, and went, ok, I am not who I thought I was. I thought I was a Godly woman. I messed up alot, I had bitterness, unmentioned hurts and angers that boiled up and spilled from my heart at times, I had judgmental attitudes and unclean thoughts, and I didnt know what to do with the woman in the mirror. Years of frustration and hurt puddled at my feet, and erupted into my life, and it took all I could do to muster my thoughts away from my own self condemnation, and seek God from that broken place.
There is this mirror in our lives, and when we look into it, its reality faces us back. Its truth. The word of God. Not the one you can buy with the forged signature of Christ, but the one that sits on your own coffee table, waiting to give you a healthy dose of reality.
Those hours I spent bent into the word of God, weeping at his truths, penetrating my heart, changing my thinking, breaking my nature, bringing me to a sense of self, were the most cherished I have ever had.
They were hard, they were dirty, they were deeply moving, but as the hours ticked away and tore at my understanding of self, God also restored the broken, bitter, person I had become.
He restored a sense of self via his word, his love poured into my life and brought me back from the pit of loss, into this reality, I am His, His child, His beloved, His favorite, His treasure, HIS. And what he says about me, about my worth, about my life, is what I will stand on.
The truth is, we can center on all we see wrong within us, and try to live a world so utterly built on fabrication that we are behaving like pretty plastic barbies, instead of a broken woman (or Man)weeping at the feet of Jesus. We can, and we oft times do. But I think the word is telling us something over and over, that we need to hear, and that is, our demeaner of perfection does not impress God, our striving for a nodd and a pat on the back in mans eyes will only satisffy us for a moment, and then dissapoint us when we get a healthy dose of reality, but the smell of our brokeness attracts him as no other. That is being authentic. Saying I mess up, but I chase after completion... I want to be fufilled in my heart, I want to know and be loved- Authenticly.
This old Bible, had great worth, not because of the falsified signature, but because of the depth of the beauty it held inside, where lives unfolded, where mysteries are revealed, where brokeness and tears are transformed into Joy and understanding. The true signature in our lives, is the handwriting Jesus did when he wrote across our hearts to Love and live as he did. Authenticly.

Worship Warrior

2010-03-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

I remember sitting in the church, waiting for my husband whom I had been separated with and had barely spoken to in almost 7 months, to come through the doors the day he had promised to go to counsel with me and move towards reconciliation. My heart beat with every squeak of the door a little faster, but each time it creaked open, it wasn't him. Service began and I was still waiting checking the door pensively every few minutes. After service was full underway, my daughter walked through the doors. Her weary face showed the mornings struggles red rimmed and worn out. She moved into my aisle and leaned over to my ear whispering, ”Mom, he's not coming, he left. I tried to stop him, but he just left, he's on his way to the airport.” Words cannot say the deep feeling of grief that enveloped me in that moment knowing all I had hoped for was lost. I looked into the face of the worship leader who had undermined me to take my place, and was trying to control the tears and welling pain which threatened to overtake me. I knew to well, there were people waiting to swoop on my brokenness like ravenous wolves, and my silent prayers wracked the heavens. The feelings of despair and panic hit me like a wave. As I looked into the church almost blinded with my sorrow, and yelled out silently to God ”God I can't take this, I cant break down here, where someone would love to see me crushed, I can't bare more God! I can't stay here, I can't worship! “As suddenly as I had moved to leave, an overwhelming peace flooded me, and a still small voice spoke to me, “ Do you worship because of your circumstances, or because of me?” My shame at the realization that even as a long term worship leader, and all the years of preaching and teaching the heart of worship, the truth of what worship was hit me like a ton of bricks! Worship was about God! The tears sprang forth like a well as I released my grip on all that had threatened to take me down, and gave God my fullest and probably my most passionate praise ever!! In that moment I experienced a release with God I had never before. I was barren and broken before him, I was 100% real. I believe Moses had his moment like this as well. When he walked onto the mountain and overlooked the great battle where his family and friends fought, his heart must have been heavy and weary, what a tremendous burden to bare...Standing for hours arms outstretched and walking stick in hand, the battle raged, and Moses stood in prayer and praise... Exodus 17:11 So it came about when Moses held his hand up that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down Amolek prevailed. Imagine holding your hands in praise for hours, from dusk to dawn, is it any wonder his two friends and supporters Aaron and Hur were needed for additional support? We as a church find it hard to even lift our hands a few minutes in tough times, but here is Moses, watching his loved ones in harms way, and if he gives up in this place, all that he loves will be lost! Moses, stands in a place where two battlefields rage, that of his heart, and that of his people. He is purposed for this moment, to one thing, standing as a example of worship and Praise to God! WOW! See all the land could view this man, positioned on a mountain top, surrendered to God, when he fell short, he lowered his hands, grew weary, and in doing so who knows how many people he loved were lost in battle, But, when he lifted those hands, in absolute desperate worship, that is when the victory was won...WOW !WOW! WOW! To me this speaks volumes. We have lost a major understanding of purposing to praise in the midst of life's battles. Sure its hard, sure its waring, but, it IS where our victory lies. Dead center in the middle of struggle, is triumph!.When we lift our hands in this weary, dry, hard, desolate place, when we lift our hearts and tears and frustrations, and give them to God in passionate praise, we win the battle. When we forget praise, when we walk in self, when we tire and say we cannot go another step, we fall back, and the battle wins over us. There is power in lifting these hands to a mighty God, and believing him at his words.YES THERE IS!!!

My heart will forever be a praiser, I have learned in deep sorrow, that the more I give God praise despite my circumstances the more I feel his overwhelming peace and joy. I go from depression to decompression, all that was inflated and huge in my eyes, becomes small, insignificant,and really pointless in the view of his beauty and presence. Here is the place, where you begin to whisper, God I will praise you, because you are worthy, faithful, beautiful, amazing, your words do not fail me, you are what you say oh God, and because of that, I worship, I give glory, I honor you, not because of what I am going through, but because you are worthy God, no matter what, you are WORTHY!

David came to an understanding of the deep soul of man calling to the deep heart of God, when he danced barren before God in the courtyard, onlookers shook their heads and his wife scolded him, but still he danced, and danced. I love this story because it is the heartbeat of open and true praise. God sees us friends, he sees our heartaches, he sees our sins, he sees our foolishness, just like we are standing naked before him, nothing hidden before his eyes. See that's all David was doing, he was saying, the God who sees me just as I am, not in Kings Garments, not in fools clothes, but me David, that God loves me! And I have nothing to hide, nothing to keep from him, I give him all that is me, down to my core being, I hold nothing back, I wont even allow my dignity to stand in the way, because GOD is GOD and he will see right through my pretense, and he will see this naked soul. To me that is divinely beautiful. When we can come before majesty, and say, nothing hidden, nothing left behind, all of me Lord, I give. That's a place where we win battles....Hands up in praise- not because we have overcome our circumstances, but because the Blood of an over comer runs through our veins, because we are his kids, because he is Worthy!

There is no sweeter fragrance to God, than that of broken abandon. Here am I Lord....I am worn, I am tired, I am half crazy, but here am I, standing barren before you, with my arms raised, You are Worthy mountain mover!!!Worthy, Life changer!! Worthy, of every ounce of my praise!!! And I WILL resolve oh God to praise you in the battle, as I would in the victory, because God, Praising you is part of my victory....Lift him my lovelies, lift him up!!!

Dead man walkin!

2010-03-12T23:24:00.000-08:00

My Mothers home is a giant dust ball. There are particles flying through the air in her house that I would not be surprised have survived the pre-historic era. She proudly states that her dust is special, because germs have the right to live too. Dust hangs from pink fairies wings and cluttered paper collections as if I am the rude one to intrude on their space. I at times think that all the dust bunnies in the world collaborate at my mothers home and have a dust bunny convention. I have never seen so much debris gathering in one small space in all my life!
In the word of God, dust is equally troublesome. God first brings dust to light with Adam in Genesis 2:7: Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being.

I think its a bit spooky that our great great great times a few hundred greats, grand daddy, was a human dust ball. Hang in there, I am going somewhere with this!

We as humans are this walking, talking, ball of matter, a fact that utterly fascinates me. Our Bodies are so much a part of the chain of life that we began our existence in dust and return to the earth, eventually the same way. Wow! When I think of that it blows my mind! Our earthly beings will someday become one with earth, burrowing down into nature. One with the roots and the nutrients in an endless cycle of replenishing and restoration. That's amazing! How odd then that God describes our earthy decay so differently in this circumstance..

Ezekiel 37:13: Then you will know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves and caused you to come up out of your graves, My people.

God commissions Ezekiel to talk to the religious and the idol worshiping crowds, the dry dead remains of his church, and command life back into them. In fact he uses the word “breathe” in this chapter. He describes the flesh and sinew coming back on the bones to form life again in the body. He brings back from the remains of dust and decay, and blows life, and Hope into their weary dead existence!

It is no mistake that God uses the dust of his people. Our life is important, our existence as purposed and planned as the circle of life.

When God formed you he blew the first breath of life into your soul. You became a person of significance. His Holiness chose to dwell in an earthen(or dust made vessel) and become a walking portrait of the life and love of God with in you.

It is unfortunate then that the body of believers have sunk to some degree back in the grave, forgetting their purpose, their value, and devaluing the importance and life of one another. I believe in our modern terminology, we have begun to resemble Zombies! Well frankly, when we walk in the dust of religion and not in the life of relationship, we are what Ezekiel saw in his vision. A not so lovely version of the undead, dead! Consider this, Dear one, when Christ commissioned his followers to speak and tell the gospel, those who were not received were told this in Mathew 10:14: And whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake off the dust of your feet.

Do not miss this Church, its an understated thought. You are a Holy vessel, you are a purposed vessel, the spirit of a mighty living God resides in you, where you tread, and the dust you stir is Holy ground because God almighty lives in you! It is not a light thing to reject his earthen vessel and the love of God it brings. The biggest sign of dishonor to the hosts was to take off those Holy sandals and shake the dirt off of them!

You have a choice to be the dust that stirs life and growth into a thirsty earth, or to be the body with one foot in the grave, but you are purposed to be a beautiful example of Holiness, in a dust made vessel.

The Tapestry

2010-03-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

Today a dear and precious friend emailed me, after a long intermission between communication, and I am so happy that she did!!! She lived just down the street from me and every day she came strolling down to my house, or I hers, for a cup of coffee, laughter, tears or just good conversation. We are and were very close and I admired her greatly. She was gentle, soft spoken, well mannered. In other words, everything I was not! She could gently rebuke my airy ways, and coming from that perspective I took it well. I looked at her often as the girl with all her ducks in a row. During that time, I envied that, all my ducks seemed bent to bump and colide into each other in hapless abandone!
My life after 20 some odd years of marriage lacked the luster of happy ducks paddling about, I am afraid, and I tended to cry on her shoulder alot. From my vantage point all the things I had hoped for in a marriage were lost to me, and the anger and oppression I felt in my spouses need for control was many times deeply overwhelming. My ducks were dented and bruised, and as a Godly woman I couldnt perceive some days how I could keep my bobbing head above water.
The sweet thing about a Godly friend, is they give you perspective, such a wonderful gift. Even if your world is a dark place just having their presence in it can help greatly. I have never forgotten her input in my life, her always uplifting heart, something I needed so badly!
One day when I had come to visit her, heart heavy over some dissapointment or other, I recalled telling her, "What is this all about, why do I have to go through this, why is it that I prayed and prayed for a Godly marriage and I have done all I can to make it that way but nothing I try works?"
My whole view of life had become so dark and unhappy, the weight of it, a constant reminder of failure.
She looked at me and said this. "Tara, you are seeing life from the back side of a tapestry, from your view its tangles, knots, frizz, and mess. You cant see anything but that, and to you its your picture.
But God sees your life from the work its becoming, he sees the tapestry, he sees the picture. Your not lost to the work you see on the tangled side, your part of this beautiful picture hes creating in you."
Some days our lives are a tangled knot of heartaches and hurts, pain and sorrow and loss. We see nothing good from what we have grown to become, we see no beauty in the quality of life we've grown to know.
But God sees us. God looks at the picture in entirity and says, "These dark colors here, are those storms you went through and those tears you cried, those heartaches you have muddled through. Without the darker parts these faces and those flowers would lack definition, see how they illistrate beauty now?
Yes Lord, I see.
I think it is hard to see definition in the middle of frustration, anger, loss and depression. Its hard to see hope, beauty, and a better picture but that is the very definition behind Faith dear ones.
Faith is like this tapestry. Its believing when you cannot see the beauty or the design between all the knots in your life that a God who is the master artist of beauty and good still works it out for your Good. Its knowing that even when you cannot fathom Good, the very essence of Good is God.
When you cannot see anything but the knots in your life, know that a Faithful God is still working on it, he never fails, the beauty is in the making, the depth is in the trusting, he WILL make your devistating circumstances a work of art! Believing God when you cannot see beauty, belieivng him because his character is absolute, believing that his Words spoken in those quiet prayerful times to your aching heart are still TRUTH. Baby, thats faith. I love this area of scripture when going through a hard time, it perfectly displays where our thoughts need to be centered!
Philipians 4:8 says this-Finally Brethern, whatever is true ( all that God says to you in his word is true, Jesus is True, and his promises are true! Gods character is the epitimy of truth!) whatever is honorable ( What brings God Glory, how I conduct myself right now, how I convey myself, how I believe him, how he is faithful, how he is loving, how he does not lie to me, standing in those things are honorable.) whatever is right (God you are right, how you tell me to live is right, how you live in me is right and believing you is right, even when I face all the wrong circumstances I know You are all that is right in me and you can make the wrong right, even if its only my point of view!) whatever is pure (Lord your words are pure, your love is pure, your Holiness is pure, help me to worhsip you from a pure heart, a heart that sees your good so that I can see things from a pure view. Give me a pure perspective God! Make pure= clear and cleansing, like water, unmuddy my thoughts, my heart, my mind so I can see YOU in my circumstances!) whatever is lovely (God, your name is lovely, sitting in your presence is lovely, knowing you love me is lovely, your power to change lives is so lovely. God, your view of me is lovely, your perspectives are lovely and praising you for who you are is lovely!! Your gifts to me in friends, church and family is lovely, your sunrises and sunsets are lovely, your beauty that surrounds me is lovely, the crisp winter snow, the smell of ocean air, the beauty of a flower, all these things I take for granted God, I forget how utterly Lovely you are, to give me love on display, so lovely!) whatever is of Good repute (God what have I been saying about you, in how I react in my circumstance? Am I telling of your goodness to others or have I shown them a lack of trusting you at your words over my life. Forgive me God, I want my heart to know all these things, to speak your goodness. I want to recall your beauty, saying your truths over myself, over others, over my life, and bring you honor! Let my words Honor YOU and bring you a good report God!) if there is any excellence (God if I am going to see your good. I need to start agreeing your good, if I am going to see your hands in my life at work, I have to start saying your hands have not stopped working, if I am am going to believe your promises arent for everyone BUT me I have to start claiming your promises for myself! Because God I do believe you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are awesome, you have never changed your miracle making power, your works do Not fade, your love does Not die, and your character does Not lie, therefore I stand in Your excellence and believe your excellence for my life!) and if anything worthy of praise( God you are worthy of my praise, no matter what goes on in my life I need to learn to praise you because you are worthy, not because everything is going well God but simply because you are worthy! God I also need to learn to praise my life more, praise my family and lift them up, my friends, my blessings. I tend to look at all thats gone wrong more. God, forgive me, you bless me and I have taken it for granted, help me walk in praise, help me center on you more, help me let Go! Help me God think on You, because you loved me, because you deemed me worthy to love, thankyou. Beautiful, beautiful, Savior!) Let your mind dwell on these things!!!
(The importance of seeing God in our hardships is so fundamental to our faith, understanding that if I think on the things that will inspire, establish, reconstruct me, about God, about myself, and the positive things I see in life and others, I will begin to build even if my life has been shattered, construction starts brick by brick, not instantaneously!! Rebuilding by reconstructing my thoughts, oh God, to learn to dwell on YOU, what you do, who you are and how I need to concentrate on the positive, Amen!)
Faith is not about when you can see the art or the ducks paddling in unison. Faith is when you cannot percieve any good from an outcome, accept that your loving God is there handling it all. Faith is standing in the art work you cannot see and understanding that he is making something beautiful from your mess!
What a beautiful work you are...stitch by painstaking stitch, your a masterpiece.