After a year of pouring out my heart in messages on face book , hearing the leading of God, and many times not seeing much if any response, and even hearing many that were bent in rejection rather than a receiving of the message, I was ready to pack up the pc and call it done. I told my husband of my discouragement, and he tried to reason with me as he always does. " But Tara you just don't know who is reading this or how its touching them." I knew that was true but it was also part of the problem, I didn't know.
So I had planned to bring it to God in prayer. I took a week long sabbatical and told those who did keep up with me consistently, I was bringing the ministry I did on face book before God. I was so frustrated because there were times I so greatly felt Gods leading in a word, that the lack of interest actually hurt. God had spoken a clear word to me and through me, why was no one responding?
As I contemplated it, I also dealt with old beasts I had long tried to fight off, those seated in rejection and worthlessness. Oh I know I am leaving myself open here once again, as most would think that a believer should project perfect, as though once saved we never experience any of such as that, which is a lie.. The devil speaks to our insecurities, to deny we have any to me is the equivalent of saying were perfect, a role I believe belongs only to Jesus.
And just to be really REAL with ya all, to act as though we live spankin clean, unbelieveabley faultless lives is not only a lie, its actually opportunity for the devil to gain a foothold, because the last thing he wants is for us to show humility , allow ourselves to admit to be faulted, and seek our healing and restoration through God, no in fact he would much rather us live under the lie and never receive and become who we can truly be before our God. Food for thought.
So I came before God for all these things, and began too pray up a storm.. And I asked God to show me in some way that this tool was affective..
One day I got an email that changed my mode of thought completely concerning face book, and blog writing ministry- she will never know its impact, nor what good it did for my depleted sense of confidence in the ministry I did, but it was huge in my world never the less.
A woman had written me via private email about my withdrawing from writing, she said she had been reading my postings for a long while. She said she was sorry for never responding but that even so she still was a consistent follower. As she wrote she had said that she hoped I would not quit my face book ministry, as it had helped her a great deal, that she had been going through a divorce and was often discouraged and heartbroken, and my writings uplifted her, and held her accountable, and had gotten her through some really rough spots.
Yes I know... God answers prayer. :)
Wow! I was so encouraged by that letter, in fact to this day it is what pivoted my view and changed my mind on the powerful medium of face book on the internet, suddenly I was seeing it for its potential, and essentially that broke everything loose!
So many of the things I write begin with single thoughts, or a small glimpse of something and then God begins to pour out more and more understanding and before you know it I have a word picture, then the puzzle comes into clarity with a fever at some point, and my fingers can be heard across the room to this day, tap tap tapping away.
Rob knows to steer clear and let the girl go, because interfering with me mid stream just might be hazardous. :)
The other day I was going through some old messages I had written on my husbands page, I coursed through the message and glanced at the comments for which there were quite a few.
One said this, and I quote it because, well, it did my heart good to be reminded..
"Robin Bertram- Tara...I loved this! What damage we could do if we all realized a girl with a lap top can be dangerous to the kingdom of darkness...love ya!!!"( Again Thank You sweety, so glad you read what God gives me, so blessed you respond! oh and love ya to!!)
I am reminded of this scripture , only in this case its a pc speaking what Gods saying...
Psalm 45:1 My heart overflows with a good theme ( I so get that- whenever God speaks its a good theme!) I address my verses to the King, My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
I love to write, I love how God uses it for His Glory and to His Good. I love how he has made what seemed fallow ground ,fruitful, but that is after all, our God.
Listen I am just a little preacher girl with a ready writer for God. But I want to say this, never think that because you don't see purpose in your life, God doesn't have one. He uses a willing heart, he uses a broken vessel all cracked and chipped up like mine, he uses whom he chooses, and I was just thinking on this the other day, Ya know, some battles God used an army of millions, some of hundreds, some he had just a select few,and then after all that he has even been known to chose a warrior of ONE.
The armies were no less mighty warriors by any number, but its not beyond God to look through the mired of faces, and choose you and you alone to be the overcomer for his name sake.
So stand up and fight child of God now, Not later, Take authority, take dominion and stand in who you are in God, and who HE is in you. Go on get you! its High time, move it!
Father I pray you let this message restore a heart, remind and rekindle them, that they aren't meant to be sitters, but those who STAND in you. Let them know God who they are and How powerfully you can work through them! God I pray you will thoroughly wreck the enemies plan to take out your warriors of God via discouragement and disillusionment, MAY WE BECOME DANGEROUS, and take back the kingdom !!!! ;) AMEN
Monday, August 12, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
The Me I see
Yesterday Eve I drove home my heart heavy with concerns known only to me. I had been to church and asked for prayer over them, and felt some peace in so doing, but still there were some things weighing at me. I wept before God and prayed. I had already had a full day of bringing myself to Gods footstool and my restlessness was compounded by a distance I felt in my heart in hearing any response.
The house seemed lonely and still and I was weary from tears and a need to hear Gods voice.
The phone rang. Daddy inquiring if I had made the thirty minute drive home safely. Which of course I had. What came after was Gods voice to his hungry child through my parents, as we spoke for two hours on the phone.
It is ironic how God uses the simple things to confound the wise, and in the midst of talking to them I was finding some healing and some much needed peace.
Once upon a time I was a Godly girl, oh I still am, but now I am a different kind of Godly girl, one who fully comprehends the grace I am under. That girl of the past, weighed her life by her actions and how they were seen by others, she didn't know she did that, but, she did.
And, through tragedy, she had an epiphany. She was not perfect, not an example, and NOT extending Grace. Yup, that was me.
You see through heartache and loss I lost myself. utterly to be truthful, thank God.
I took a hard look into the mirror God set before me. a Very hard look, and even though for years I had cast an image of Christianity I felt portrayed me, it really didn't. God showed me that when I came before him repentive, suddenly the image got real. I had been judgemental, hurtful, spiteful, ugly even, my deeds and my heart had been Un- Christ like.
Wow was that painful. Wow was that beautiful to. Beautiful because I could see it, painful, because I could see it.
As I spoke to my parents, I was reminded of something( Thank You Lord) and that was God has brought me restoration. Lest I forget I need to be real with she who looks into the mirror.
You see we spoke on someone who had once been in my life, who has fallen into a life long struggle of addiction and self loathing.. I realized there was no pain in the recollection of them, no anger, no hurt, just calm peace and sorrow at their destruction..
And, to be honest, I could loath them equally as they had loathed themselves as they had caused great pain, but because God set a mirror before me I can see a soul, theirs, and mine.
Now then, I need to glance again at the reflection, who is in there?
Well, lol, not someone I was liking at the moment, not because I forgot grace yet again, but because I needed to remember from whence I had come.
I needed to remember what God has given me. What He has restored to me and how important all that is.
I can recall with clarity lovies every pain ever inflicted but it will never do a single bit of good, because the truth is, I need to let go.
I need to let go of things destructive for they serve NO purpose and only embitter and harm me. I need to let go of selfish actions, and bad behaviors that smudge the image of the girl before God, I need to let go of heartache and loss to, it doesn't matter anymore.
What matters is that when I look in the mirror I see Gods reflection in me.
One that can forgive others, One that can forgive myself, One that can love, and one that can Overcome. I need to see - Me.
I need to see me in the true light of God, not a smudged image I like to pretend is me, as though I am a young skinny supermodel looking back.. When the real me, is chubby and frankly getting old. The real me has some issues she needs to work through.
Here's the thing. I can look back at my past and at the things that have decidedly made me , me. And I can hate the becoming, or I can learn to adjust my thinking to love it so long as the image merges with truth.
My recollections of what others have done like the person I pity, need not mar me. But I do, need to thank God that I desire to see into the mirror.
Because the one who doesn't is truly most miserable, unforgiving, and lost. the one who refuses to see who they are before God, is destitute and desperately so.
Not gonna lie seeing me in the mirror as I truly am, can be ultra painful at times. I don't like it, I can look so ugly. But I have got to keep coming back, got to. I have got to let God clean up that image, by staring into it and seeing it- so that when it's done the reality it carves out looks like Jesus, not me.
Not my flesh, not my ache, not my nonsense, but Gods perfect indwelling peaceful image.
So here I am Lord scraping off the layers and giving me back to you. Don't let me pretend, don't let me bury hurt, don't let me hide in an image not of you, Because Lord, I don't like that person, I want to be in your likeness. help me God, to SEE more and more of you in Me. Amen, and forever Amen.
The house seemed lonely and still and I was weary from tears and a need to hear Gods voice.
The phone rang. Daddy inquiring if I had made the thirty minute drive home safely. Which of course I had. What came after was Gods voice to his hungry child through my parents, as we spoke for two hours on the phone.
It is ironic how God uses the simple things to confound the wise, and in the midst of talking to them I was finding some healing and some much needed peace.
Once upon a time I was a Godly girl, oh I still am, but now I am a different kind of Godly girl, one who fully comprehends the grace I am under. That girl of the past, weighed her life by her actions and how they were seen by others, she didn't know she did that, but, she did.
And, through tragedy, she had an epiphany. She was not perfect, not an example, and NOT extending Grace. Yup, that was me.
You see through heartache and loss I lost myself. utterly to be truthful, thank God.
I took a hard look into the mirror God set before me. a Very hard look, and even though for years I had cast an image of Christianity I felt portrayed me, it really didn't. God showed me that when I came before him repentive, suddenly the image got real. I had been judgemental, hurtful, spiteful, ugly even, my deeds and my heart had been Un- Christ like.
Wow was that painful. Wow was that beautiful to. Beautiful because I could see it, painful, because I could see it.
As I spoke to my parents, I was reminded of something( Thank You Lord) and that was God has brought me restoration. Lest I forget I need to be real with she who looks into the mirror.
You see we spoke on someone who had once been in my life, who has fallen into a life long struggle of addiction and self loathing.. I realized there was no pain in the recollection of them, no anger, no hurt, just calm peace and sorrow at their destruction..
And, to be honest, I could loath them equally as they had loathed themselves as they had caused great pain, but because God set a mirror before me I can see a soul, theirs, and mine.
Now then, I need to glance again at the reflection, who is in there?
Well, lol, not someone I was liking at the moment, not because I forgot grace yet again, but because I needed to remember from whence I had come.
I needed to remember what God has given me. What He has restored to me and how important all that is.
I can recall with clarity lovies every pain ever inflicted but it will never do a single bit of good, because the truth is, I need to let go.
I need to let go of things destructive for they serve NO purpose and only embitter and harm me. I need to let go of selfish actions, and bad behaviors that smudge the image of the girl before God, I need to let go of heartache and loss to, it doesn't matter anymore.
What matters is that when I look in the mirror I see Gods reflection in me.
One that can forgive others, One that can forgive myself, One that can love, and one that can Overcome. I need to see - Me.
I need to see me in the true light of God, not a smudged image I like to pretend is me, as though I am a young skinny supermodel looking back.. When the real me, is chubby and frankly getting old. The real me has some issues she needs to work through.
Here's the thing. I can look back at my past and at the things that have decidedly made me , me. And I can hate the becoming, or I can learn to adjust my thinking to love it so long as the image merges with truth.
My recollections of what others have done like the person I pity, need not mar me. But I do, need to thank God that I desire to see into the mirror.
Because the one who doesn't is truly most miserable, unforgiving, and lost. the one who refuses to see who they are before God, is destitute and desperately so.
Not gonna lie seeing me in the mirror as I truly am, can be ultra painful at times. I don't like it, I can look so ugly. But I have got to keep coming back, got to. I have got to let God clean up that image, by staring into it and seeing it- so that when it's done the reality it carves out looks like Jesus, not me.
Not my flesh, not my ache, not my nonsense, but Gods perfect indwelling peaceful image.
So here I am Lord scraping off the layers and giving me back to you. Don't let me pretend, don't let me bury hurt, don't let me hide in an image not of you, Because Lord, I don't like that person, I want to be in your likeness. help me God, to SEE more and more of you in Me. Amen, and forever Amen.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Called out from the flock to be the head and NOT the tail
Whammo! the preacher says with enthusiasm. And a hundred listeners are so impressed that the new catch phrase is born.Now its on T.V. and circulating in the church, people are staring at their eggo waffles and shouting whammo when it pops up. Ok, no big deal. Only it is a big deal, the ripple affect of our copy cat ways does affect us, in ways undetected.
I begin to see more and more why the Lord calls us sheep. Sheep are such docile creatures and their tendency to follow who ever seems ahead of them, is compulsive. Even if its right off a cliff.
We to do that. We are like a herd of white sheep, and when one individual black one stands out in the crowd, our little ears perk up our mind fastens on, and before you know it, we bah bah bah, just as that black woolly head before us did. How does it affect? Well for starters, it affects our individuality.
Maybe we don't perceive why that is important. After all we have heard that immitation is a form of flattery. Well I suppose it can be, but at some point, its not flattering, its ridiculous. When our actions mimic so closely someone we are impressed by we lose our own identity. We begin to copy and mimic what is not us at all, and in that falsify moves, and manners we say are about God. Are you seeing why that could be bahhhhhd?
Imagine if David had tried to wear the armour sported by his larger peers. His small gangly body disproportioned to the adult males wearing such gear, would have sunken in the weight, hampered by the trappings that so well fit another. It was NOT for him. He needed to be free to do what he was best at. If he had worn the armour he for sure would have missed the mark and Goliath would have been on the ground rolling in laughter rather than awaiting the axe .
Imagine if Elijah would have followed the peers before him when facing the evil rulers of his time knees shaking , and mouth dry, calling out, Whammo! catch phrases do not impress evil, nor do they deter it- at best they offer a good laugh to the advisary and frankly if I am going to face a foe, I dont want him laughing. Just an FYI..
Rather than do as the peers before him had done -Elijah held fast to HIS OWN faith in God, listened to Gods instruction for him and followed it to a T. Fire came down,and remarkably- not because he said fire fire fire!!! like all the other preachers he had heard before Him but because the hand of God moved individually in him and through him.
Today sincerity is greatly lacking in our peer groups-And we have fallen prey to copy cat behaviours. So much so that we are ceasing to follow as God leads, and choosing to copy what was affective for someone else, that my friends is like wearing ill fitting armour, and we need to understand why it would hamper us. Our effectiveness, is most powerful when we heed what God lays on US .On our hearts, in Our minds and spirits- not what we see him doing that is effective for others. He didn't call you to be a mini me in ministry, he called you to be HIS OWN.
The harsh reality is, we are discrediting Gods ability to move in and through us just as powerfully, and if we really want to be seen and heard for who God is in Us, we need to move away from the herd mentality, and start acting like we ourselves have HEARD His call-
Our noses have gotten far to use to the tail ends of others and it is high time, we start sniffing Gods fresh air!!
Our mimicking has reached such high proportions that catch phrases fall off our lips like favourite movie lines, and we repeat and repeat and repeat what we do, and what we see done. The world looks idly by, and shakes its head, as if to say, " Yet another reason Christians are considered hypocrites, they cant even be themselves" and its true. We don't know how to be the kind of Sheep who are truly following the Shepherd.
My Friend,God does not want YOU to be a carbon copy of me, or the well known preacher, or your pastor even,He doesn't want you to be like the vocalist in your church, or your beloved mother, He has called you to Rugged Individuality. Pursue your Bahhhhhhd self, and find out what Good YOU can do for God, by being the best EWE you can be. Your the head and NOT the tail, EWE need to act like it!!!!
I begin to see more and more why the Lord calls us sheep. Sheep are such docile creatures and their tendency to follow who ever seems ahead of them, is compulsive. Even if its right off a cliff.
We to do that. We are like a herd of white sheep, and when one individual black one stands out in the crowd, our little ears perk up our mind fastens on, and before you know it, we bah bah bah, just as that black woolly head before us did. How does it affect? Well for starters, it affects our individuality.
Maybe we don't perceive why that is important. After all we have heard that immitation is a form of flattery. Well I suppose it can be, but at some point, its not flattering, its ridiculous. When our actions mimic so closely someone we are impressed by we lose our own identity. We begin to copy and mimic what is not us at all, and in that falsify moves, and manners we say are about God. Are you seeing why that could be bahhhhhd?
Imagine if David had tried to wear the armour sported by his larger peers. His small gangly body disproportioned to the adult males wearing such gear, would have sunken in the weight, hampered by the trappings that so well fit another. It was NOT for him. He needed to be free to do what he was best at. If he had worn the armour he for sure would have missed the mark and Goliath would have been on the ground rolling in laughter rather than awaiting the axe .
Imagine if Elijah would have followed the peers before him when facing the evil rulers of his time knees shaking , and mouth dry, calling out, Whammo! catch phrases do not impress evil, nor do they deter it- at best they offer a good laugh to the advisary and frankly if I am going to face a foe, I dont want him laughing. Just an FYI..
Rather than do as the peers before him had done -Elijah held fast to HIS OWN faith in God, listened to Gods instruction for him and followed it to a T. Fire came down,and remarkably- not because he said fire fire fire!!! like all the other preachers he had heard before Him but because the hand of God moved individually in him and through him.
Today sincerity is greatly lacking in our peer groups-And we have fallen prey to copy cat behaviours. So much so that we are ceasing to follow as God leads, and choosing to copy what was affective for someone else, that my friends is like wearing ill fitting armour, and we need to understand why it would hamper us. Our effectiveness, is most powerful when we heed what God lays on US .On our hearts, in Our minds and spirits- not what we see him doing that is effective for others. He didn't call you to be a mini me in ministry, he called you to be HIS OWN.
The harsh reality is, we are discrediting Gods ability to move in and through us just as powerfully, and if we really want to be seen and heard for who God is in Us, we need to move away from the herd mentality, and start acting like we ourselves have HEARD His call-
Our noses have gotten far to use to the tail ends of others and it is high time, we start sniffing Gods fresh air!!
Our mimicking has reached such high proportions that catch phrases fall off our lips like favourite movie lines, and we repeat and repeat and repeat what we do, and what we see done. The world looks idly by, and shakes its head, as if to say, " Yet another reason Christians are considered hypocrites, they cant even be themselves" and its true. We don't know how to be the kind of Sheep who are truly following the Shepherd.
My Friend,God does not want YOU to be a carbon copy of me, or the well known preacher, or your pastor even,He doesn't want you to be like the vocalist in your church, or your beloved mother, He has called you to Rugged Individuality. Pursue your Bahhhhhhd self, and find out what Good YOU can do for God, by being the best EWE you can be. Your the head and NOT the tail, EWE need to act like it!!!!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
SEEING JESUS
I was talking the other day with one of my best friends, he is a bit of a deep thinker and by his own right a theologian..I tend to turn to him when I need a perception slightly different from what I would get from most of my peers, because he offers a depth most do not- and he challenges me to re- think some of the mindsets I have had, but in this instance I was the teacher and he was the grasshopper, I hope at least.
We had gotten into a conversation regarding the disciples, how cool it would have been to walk and talk with Jesus, right there, seeing miracles and majesty in action. The topic turned a tidge towards faith in Christ but still centered in this walk with the disciples and Christ at the core. We talked about how they fell short, bickered and desired positioning. and why that was-
Flesh has this tendency to want to be approved, to desire to get ahead, titles and pomp, fighting for recognition. Thats flesh, and pride, and we all fall short to it from time to time. and the disciples day by day, saw the crowds, saw the miracles, saw the power . They saw, a great advantage. They had moments of flesh just as we do lovies, have we not regarded some church folk highly, and then sat satisfied in our acquaintance,?Or bragged on some encounter with a person of renown' we had run into? Sure, and so it was with the disciples, it is not that they lacked belief so much as it was, they didn't see the fullness of Christ.
He asked why they behaved that way when they were right there with Christ. And I replied, because even though they were right there with him, they STILL had not fully SEEN Him.
" You don't think they did" " No," I said "They didn't" ' But they were right there with Hhm, watching him do miracles, watching what He did. Yes, and they percieved it was a miracle. But remember the devil had some miracles to. There were majicians, there were false messengers, its not like it is any different today. We see a miracle, and we question its reality, we see its possibility we see its work, but we do not always accept it for what it is. The old mind tends to render it less than. Just the humanity in us.
"Well, If I had been there I would have recognized him" I smiled. Couldnt help it, I smiled.
We have this second hand view, you know,? this perception of a mighty God, from a view the disciples did not have . We can look at the facets from a past tense perspective, and because we can gather the information and make a really good case for Christ, we think with what we know now, we would recognize him , then.
Oh Lovies, not even remotely.
I will tell you why, and this is a truth , that is pretty much gonna split this message apart, and it is one I spoke over my friend as well, if ever so gently.
"No , Hun the disciples did not recognize him fully, only a very few did. Only ONE showed him that sense of recognition He deserved." And that was? Mary. hmmm, not even a disciple.
You see lovey, Mary, sweet humble, broken by the love of Christ Mary- she saw Jesus, not for just the miracle of transformation in her life, not for merely the miracles of his hands, not merely for his authority, but for his divine nature. She saw Him as God, worthy of praise, worthy of her full heart and all her devotion. the others, they rested at his feet, they slept through the MOST vital hour of prayer with him, they grappled for postioning when Christ had spoken humility into them,they watched, but they did not SEE.
Mary, took the roll of servant to Christ, without thought. Why? Because she recognized the out and out GOD in Him. SHE saw God as WORTHY of devotion, she saw herself as small and gave Him only what she had to give in that positioning, worship. Peter refused to wash Christ feet, at the last supper even when the Lord told him the first would be last, the leader a servant. See Peter sat at the end of the table, the end where the water bowl stood, and the Lord had sat through a meal, unwashed. It was absolute necessity to be clean for eating, the world in that day didn't carry packs of disposable lysol. Clean hands before a meal, clean feet for where you sat- was a sign of regard, and honor. and respect .
Where Jesus sat, was the place of authority, the most honored place,nearest the door at the front of the table, flanking him would be the two people he chose to honor, and who would protect him from any enemy, (thus the need for the knife rendered when the military came to arrest Christ, it was already on hand. )Those sitting near him were chosen, those furthest away, were not outside of His reguard, but not whom he favoured at that moment. Interesting is it not? The beloved on one side, and Judas next to the beloved. ( but thats another story all together) Understand a guest of high positioning, you ALWAYS, ALWAYS, washed their hands and feet, you anointed the person with oil, because it was a signature to them, and to others of their Importance. No one had done that for Christ at the last supper, which IS very telling.
You see the LAST person at the table, was alloted that positioning, it was the FIRST job you did to honored guests. Those who sat nearest to Christ were those he honored. It was the pecking order, and Peter, he was at the very end of that order, in the foot washing place. the servants place. UG!I imagine Peter was pouting. the last thing he wanted was to wash peoples feet. How lowly. So he neglected Honoring God. SO God, came to Peter, picked up the towel, picked up the water, and removed the shoes, of he who SHOULD truly have served God. OHHH instantaneous conviction, and collosal error hit Petey in the face!
Think he learned after he said no Lord let me wash your feet? Think he recognized his error? NOPE- when Jesus died. Petey went back to fishing rather than follow the positoning the Lord had commisioned him to, a thankless position,.In fact a changing position, of continuous servant hood. Peter was to be the ROCK, the foundation others looked up to, was he? not at that moment he wasn't! Peter was to be the Pastor of wandering,always needy , Sheep. Yet he fished, why? Because though he understood all Jesus had spoken, he had not let it click in his brain- JESUS, SON OF GOD. had commissioned him. So when Christ reprimanded him for "SAYING he loved Christ as God" in John 21- He also turned him back to the mission, feeding the sheep. See if Peter saw GOD, he would have recognized what he was doing wrong, and changed it, right? RIGHT. But it took three I LOVE YOU's LORD, before he saw his error, He saw he had been lying to GOD, even about his love and devotion to him, because he flat out had failed to serve God as he promised. MMMM devotion to the Holy is a sure sign of SEEING GOD and it ALWAYS begins with the lowly heart of a servant.
So who Saw CHRIST of the disciples, in reality ? None of them did, I know you will want to argue with me on this, the mind says, but they followed him.. but they did miracles, mmm, yes. Many today follow signs and wonders and STILL fall short of sold out devotion. Many today , can preach a great gospel, but are the farthest thing from HIS SERVANTS. Many see and know OF Christ, But few truly DESIRE to KNOW HIM.KNOWING HIM, requires time, adoration, and a colossal sacrifice of SELF..
See if they had seen Christ as Mary saw Christ, they would have been grappling to be at HIS feet! His head would have dripped with the oil of a loved and honored guest, as was custom in that time, the fragrance of the oil would have pervaded into the city and every where Christ would have walked would have been a trail of the drip drip drip of twelve bottles of tear filled devotion. RIGHT? See there should have been the fight to be under his hand, there should have been a deep calls to deep ,reckoning- there should have been an almost agony of self loathing and of love unfathomable, of forgiveness undeserved, that the very floors Jesus sat in should have been wiped clean with tears, they should have been spotless, for a place of worship. RIGHT? THEY should NOT have been sprawled all about him, rather laying at his feet. There should have been words of adoration, sprinkled with tender touch, there should have been a clinging to God, and a desire to only be near him,so near they were right there, right within touch, hair mingled with oil, dirtied by the dusty trails of comprehension, of devotion, of desire, of adoration.RIGHT?
Beloved, SEEING Him, means serving HIM. It MEANS STAYING devoted, pure, driven to be near HIM. It means to be willing to be NOTHING so HE CAN BE EVERYTHING. It means falling back into servant hood,and under HIS Feet, with Great Joy.
Mary saw HIM,................DO YOU?
We had gotten into a conversation regarding the disciples, how cool it would have been to walk and talk with Jesus, right there, seeing miracles and majesty in action. The topic turned a tidge towards faith in Christ but still centered in this walk with the disciples and Christ at the core. We talked about how they fell short, bickered and desired positioning. and why that was-
Flesh has this tendency to want to be approved, to desire to get ahead, titles and pomp, fighting for recognition. Thats flesh, and pride, and we all fall short to it from time to time. and the disciples day by day, saw the crowds, saw the miracles, saw the power . They saw, a great advantage. They had moments of flesh just as we do lovies, have we not regarded some church folk highly, and then sat satisfied in our acquaintance,?Or bragged on some encounter with a person of renown' we had run into? Sure, and so it was with the disciples, it is not that they lacked belief so much as it was, they didn't see the fullness of Christ.
He asked why they behaved that way when they were right there with Christ. And I replied, because even though they were right there with him, they STILL had not fully SEEN Him.
" You don't think they did" " No," I said "They didn't" ' But they were right there with Hhm, watching him do miracles, watching what He did. Yes, and they percieved it was a miracle. But remember the devil had some miracles to. There were majicians, there were false messengers, its not like it is any different today. We see a miracle, and we question its reality, we see its possibility we see its work, but we do not always accept it for what it is. The old mind tends to render it less than. Just the humanity in us.
"Well, If I had been there I would have recognized him" I smiled. Couldnt help it, I smiled.
We have this second hand view, you know,? this perception of a mighty God, from a view the disciples did not have . We can look at the facets from a past tense perspective, and because we can gather the information and make a really good case for Christ, we think with what we know now, we would recognize him , then.
Oh Lovies, not even remotely.
I will tell you why, and this is a truth , that is pretty much gonna split this message apart, and it is one I spoke over my friend as well, if ever so gently.
"No , Hun the disciples did not recognize him fully, only a very few did. Only ONE showed him that sense of recognition He deserved." And that was? Mary. hmmm, not even a disciple.
You see lovey, Mary, sweet humble, broken by the love of Christ Mary- she saw Jesus, not for just the miracle of transformation in her life, not for merely the miracles of his hands, not merely for his authority, but for his divine nature. She saw Him as God, worthy of praise, worthy of her full heart and all her devotion. the others, they rested at his feet, they slept through the MOST vital hour of prayer with him, they grappled for postioning when Christ had spoken humility into them,they watched, but they did not SEE.
Mary, took the roll of servant to Christ, without thought. Why? Because she recognized the out and out GOD in Him. SHE saw God as WORTHY of devotion, she saw herself as small and gave Him only what she had to give in that positioning, worship. Peter refused to wash Christ feet, at the last supper even when the Lord told him the first would be last, the leader a servant. See Peter sat at the end of the table, the end where the water bowl stood, and the Lord had sat through a meal, unwashed. It was absolute necessity to be clean for eating, the world in that day didn't carry packs of disposable lysol. Clean hands before a meal, clean feet for where you sat- was a sign of regard, and honor. and respect .
Where Jesus sat, was the place of authority, the most honored place,nearest the door at the front of the table, flanking him would be the two people he chose to honor, and who would protect him from any enemy, (thus the need for the knife rendered when the military came to arrest Christ, it was already on hand. )Those sitting near him were chosen, those furthest away, were not outside of His reguard, but not whom he favoured at that moment. Interesting is it not? The beloved on one side, and Judas next to the beloved. ( but thats another story all together) Understand a guest of high positioning, you ALWAYS, ALWAYS, washed their hands and feet, you anointed the person with oil, because it was a signature to them, and to others of their Importance. No one had done that for Christ at the last supper, which IS very telling.
You see the LAST person at the table, was alloted that positioning, it was the FIRST job you did to honored guests. Those who sat nearest to Christ were those he honored. It was the pecking order, and Peter, he was at the very end of that order, in the foot washing place. the servants place. UG!I imagine Peter was pouting. the last thing he wanted was to wash peoples feet. How lowly. So he neglected Honoring God. SO God, came to Peter, picked up the towel, picked up the water, and removed the shoes, of he who SHOULD truly have served God. OHHH instantaneous conviction, and collosal error hit Petey in the face!
Think he learned after he said no Lord let me wash your feet? Think he recognized his error? NOPE- when Jesus died. Petey went back to fishing rather than follow the positoning the Lord had commisioned him to, a thankless position,.In fact a changing position, of continuous servant hood. Peter was to be the ROCK, the foundation others looked up to, was he? not at that moment he wasn't! Peter was to be the Pastor of wandering,always needy , Sheep. Yet he fished, why? Because though he understood all Jesus had spoken, he had not let it click in his brain- JESUS, SON OF GOD. had commissioned him. So when Christ reprimanded him for "SAYING he loved Christ as God" in John 21- He also turned him back to the mission, feeding the sheep. See if Peter saw GOD, he would have recognized what he was doing wrong, and changed it, right? RIGHT. But it took three I LOVE YOU's LORD, before he saw his error, He saw he had been lying to GOD, even about his love and devotion to him, because he flat out had failed to serve God as he promised. MMMM devotion to the Holy is a sure sign of SEEING GOD and it ALWAYS begins with the lowly heart of a servant.
So who Saw CHRIST of the disciples, in reality ? None of them did, I know you will want to argue with me on this, the mind says, but they followed him.. but they did miracles, mmm, yes. Many today follow signs and wonders and STILL fall short of sold out devotion. Many today , can preach a great gospel, but are the farthest thing from HIS SERVANTS. Many see and know OF Christ, But few truly DESIRE to KNOW HIM.KNOWING HIM, requires time, adoration, and a colossal sacrifice of SELF..
See if they had seen Christ as Mary saw Christ, they would have been grappling to be at HIS feet! His head would have dripped with the oil of a loved and honored guest, as was custom in that time, the fragrance of the oil would have pervaded into the city and every where Christ would have walked would have been a trail of the drip drip drip of twelve bottles of tear filled devotion. RIGHT? See there should have been the fight to be under his hand, there should have been a deep calls to deep ,reckoning- there should have been an almost agony of self loathing and of love unfathomable, of forgiveness undeserved, that the very floors Jesus sat in should have been wiped clean with tears, they should have been spotless, for a place of worship. RIGHT? THEY should NOT have been sprawled all about him, rather laying at his feet. There should have been words of adoration, sprinkled with tender touch, there should have been a clinging to God, and a desire to only be near him,so near they were right there, right within touch, hair mingled with oil, dirtied by the dusty trails of comprehension, of devotion, of desire, of adoration.RIGHT?
Beloved, SEEING Him, means serving HIM. It MEANS STAYING devoted, pure, driven to be near HIM. It means to be willing to be NOTHING so HE CAN BE EVERYTHING. It means falling back into servant hood,and under HIS Feet, with Great Joy.
Mary saw HIM,................DO YOU?
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Are we Rutted or Rooted? Truly Experiencing a NEW THING.
The sound of wagon wheels can almost still be heard traversing the dry rocky grasslands of Wyoming, each wagon following another down a dusty trail, over jagged stone and wild river,one after another. Inevitably somewhere down the road, the wheel of the lead wagon would get caught in a deep rut left by previous pioneers and break in the process, causing the entire train to stand idle for however long it took to fix the wheel. It was rare that a wagon would pull off the trail and go around, nobody wanted to be caught in territory unfamiliar , where the possibilities and pitfalls were unknown.
A few and I mean a very few, burned their own trail and moved forward. Overcoming whatever fear to endeavor in hope and progress. Progress can be a fearful thing, and likely we would rather sit with the clan rather than stake out the territory and roll out towards change, Ah but beloved, when we do that we sure can get our wagons in a rut!
I have moved to a new area- and in the process have sought a church of zealous believers like those I had known prior in Tennessee. Some suggestions being made to go here or there, I have followed up on- and having gone to the new body, found that when I had heard the bulletin, watched the video, listened to the familiar songs, and heard an either enthusiastic sermon (or not so enthusiastic,lol)teaching brought by the minister, have felt that save for the new faces and different buildings nothing much changed in their atmosphere.
My favorite thus far is a church that was lovingly friendly and openly so- not something I had encountered thus far- but still and again, though they were open to loving the four white faces in an all black crowd-Kuddos for that! Yet they to held onto traditions they had enjoyed long before I came, and will likely employ long after I am gone.
I like tradition to some degree- I bake the same cookies every year at holiday times, I make southern sweet potato pie, and gingerbread waffles pretty much every year, and I attempt to watch every holiday movie from a bygone era I can get my hands on- but due to situations, sometimes I have to vary what occurs and adapt- tradition then rolls with circumstance.
However- though we oft times say we are ready for change, and want to go there, it is amazing to me, how we will not alter or variate from what we have known.
We will sing our gospel,or contemporary songs just as we have heard them and have sung them..we will run service today, tomorow, and always just as we have run them, we will sit in the same pew, and expect the same things, and though we may say we want to see change or revival, we will sit in the rut of our chosen paths, well- pretty much ...Forever.
Yet we say- God is doing a NEW THING. And Lovie we say it like we mean it- but we little step away from our traditions and our old things, to let the new thing occur- ah we are so deeply rutted in fact we haven't even caught on to the fact our wheel is entirely broken.
Like way ward sheep we follow the same tradition,each in a line of generation to generation -in our services, in our behaviors, and in our responses. We say the popular catch phrase, we do like grandma did when she praised, we say what Pastor or some well known preacher said when he gets excited or does something we think has a need for an odd little evocation over a healing or circumstance, Like when we thunk a persons head or push them over well.Hmmm , Well Hunny God don't need me to thunk a head or rock someone into a balance toppling turn over- he can knock me clean out without a single touch! yet we thunk people in the same way that another thunked him, and I have to ask , WHY? Don't we trust a powerful God to do it without us? We measure our movements, attitudes, and inflections all by what we have done, seen or heard, OVER and Over, and over. Rather than each one of us becoming singular minded in Christ, we are following the next sheeps tail in our learned behaviors, and our services show it- Many back away from the crowd of bleating sheep, because they cannot see the master, just all those wagging tails moving down the road, one after the other- perpetually in line with a rut.
RUT. RUT. RUT.
I don't want to be rutted- I want to be rooted in God, Rooted in the fresh new and awe inspiring things of Christ- open, ready willing. I want to change whats necessary to make that happen, it may just mean I also need to change my mind, or dare I say it? Break away from tradition!
You see friend, God does want to breath new life into his bride, but here's an interesting thought we may want to take home to our hearts, There were ten virgins who awaited the bride groom, five were ready and prepared with lamp oil burning bright, while five were not.
Five represent the church who will seek God with openness, readiness, and - FRESH FILLED OIL, and five hoped to wing it and unfortunately got left in the dark.
( Scripture ref- Mt 25:1-13) Oh what an interesting parable this is- How it should provoke us to expectancy! For the ten foolish is this sad rutted out body, who borrows from tradition, stiffles change, and sits in religion, but changes nothing and prepares nothing for their beloved. They just sleep.
While the prudent virgins, not only prepared the lamps they carried they brought extra! whats this telling us beloved? read on- It speaks of those same foolish Virgins begging the wise ones for oil- why, because they lacked and were trying to improvise, trying to steal from the real- how sad, there was plenty of oil to be had, but they would rather float their little boats, in a tub that was full of leaks, and paddle about till it drained dry, oh Hunny, are we ever seeing the foolish virgins today! And that same group of sleepy girls, had to seek out a midnight oil shop, came late to their bridegroom, and entirely missed the voyage of their life!
When can you EVER see anything of the new if your so rutted in the old there is no room for change? When you sleep through your time to prepare for the groom! Answer...You cant.
You have to have a heart WAITING and READY. Seeking and SOUL THIRSTY. Because without expectation and readiness, the wells of oil in our lives are dried up and useless.
Lovie if I can pray just one thing into you- it is this, stop worrying over what others will think or do if change happens, and start considering where they will be, before God, if it doesn't- WE ALL NEED THE OIL!
Pharisees did religion in a rut, and professed faith with no burning for love of God or others- no compassion no kindness, no zeal, save to simply portray religion. Rutted in tradition is not the same as being rooted in faith.
Faith will take the risk of pulling out of the rut, driving around the old path, and forge forward in the hopes and bright expectations that God will indeed meet them there, and since he is an Unfailing God, He will. Will there be bumps in the road? you bet- some will ruthlessly cling to their lanterns and shuffle about in the dark for fear of any change- but others, the New Generation of deep calls to deep believers, will come thirsty, desiring change, hungering for all Christ has, restoring the oil of joy and praise into the lamps, Burning bright in preparation for their beloved!
Oh Father Let your heart pour out into this generation , stir our hunger, pull us out of tradition and religion and stoke us to a true flame, pour out the oil of your Spirit into our lives, and our atmosphere, and cause us to be unsatisfied with anything but MORE OF YOU.
Amen
A few and I mean a very few, burned their own trail and moved forward. Overcoming whatever fear to endeavor in hope and progress. Progress can be a fearful thing, and likely we would rather sit with the clan rather than stake out the territory and roll out towards change, Ah but beloved, when we do that we sure can get our wagons in a rut!
I have moved to a new area- and in the process have sought a church of zealous believers like those I had known prior in Tennessee. Some suggestions being made to go here or there, I have followed up on- and having gone to the new body, found that when I had heard the bulletin, watched the video, listened to the familiar songs, and heard an either enthusiastic sermon (or not so enthusiastic,lol)teaching brought by the minister, have felt that save for the new faces and different buildings nothing much changed in their atmosphere.
My favorite thus far is a church that was lovingly friendly and openly so- not something I had encountered thus far- but still and again, though they were open to loving the four white faces in an all black crowd-Kuddos for that! Yet they to held onto traditions they had enjoyed long before I came, and will likely employ long after I am gone.
I like tradition to some degree- I bake the same cookies every year at holiday times, I make southern sweet potato pie, and gingerbread waffles pretty much every year, and I attempt to watch every holiday movie from a bygone era I can get my hands on- but due to situations, sometimes I have to vary what occurs and adapt- tradition then rolls with circumstance.
However- though we oft times say we are ready for change, and want to go there, it is amazing to me, how we will not alter or variate from what we have known.
We will sing our gospel,or contemporary songs just as we have heard them and have sung them..we will run service today, tomorow, and always just as we have run them, we will sit in the same pew, and expect the same things, and though we may say we want to see change or revival, we will sit in the rut of our chosen paths, well- pretty much ...Forever.
Yet we say- God is doing a NEW THING. And Lovie we say it like we mean it- but we little step away from our traditions and our old things, to let the new thing occur- ah we are so deeply rutted in fact we haven't even caught on to the fact our wheel is entirely broken.
Like way ward sheep we follow the same tradition,each in a line of generation to generation -in our services, in our behaviors, and in our responses. We say the popular catch phrase, we do like grandma did when she praised, we say what Pastor or some well known preacher said when he gets excited or does something we think has a need for an odd little evocation over a healing or circumstance, Like when we thunk a persons head or push them over well.Hmmm , Well Hunny God don't need me to thunk a head or rock someone into a balance toppling turn over- he can knock me clean out without a single touch! yet we thunk people in the same way that another thunked him, and I have to ask , WHY? Don't we trust a powerful God to do it without us? We measure our movements, attitudes, and inflections all by what we have done, seen or heard, OVER and Over, and over. Rather than each one of us becoming singular minded in Christ, we are following the next sheeps tail in our learned behaviors, and our services show it- Many back away from the crowd of bleating sheep, because they cannot see the master, just all those wagging tails moving down the road, one after the other- perpetually in line with a rut.
RUT. RUT. RUT.
I don't want to be rutted- I want to be rooted in God, Rooted in the fresh new and awe inspiring things of Christ- open, ready willing. I want to change whats necessary to make that happen, it may just mean I also need to change my mind, or dare I say it? Break away from tradition!
You see friend, God does want to breath new life into his bride, but here's an interesting thought we may want to take home to our hearts, There were ten virgins who awaited the bride groom, five were ready and prepared with lamp oil burning bright, while five were not.
Five represent the church who will seek God with openness, readiness, and - FRESH FILLED OIL, and five hoped to wing it and unfortunately got left in the dark.
( Scripture ref- Mt 25:1-13) Oh what an interesting parable this is- How it should provoke us to expectancy! For the ten foolish is this sad rutted out body, who borrows from tradition, stiffles change, and sits in religion, but changes nothing and prepares nothing for their beloved. They just sleep.
While the prudent virgins, not only prepared the lamps they carried they brought extra! whats this telling us beloved? read on- It speaks of those same foolish Virgins begging the wise ones for oil- why, because they lacked and were trying to improvise, trying to steal from the real- how sad, there was plenty of oil to be had, but they would rather float their little boats, in a tub that was full of leaks, and paddle about till it drained dry, oh Hunny, are we ever seeing the foolish virgins today! And that same group of sleepy girls, had to seek out a midnight oil shop, came late to their bridegroom, and entirely missed the voyage of their life!
When can you EVER see anything of the new if your so rutted in the old there is no room for change? When you sleep through your time to prepare for the groom! Answer...You cant.
You have to have a heart WAITING and READY. Seeking and SOUL THIRSTY. Because without expectation and readiness, the wells of oil in our lives are dried up and useless.
Lovie if I can pray just one thing into you- it is this, stop worrying over what others will think or do if change happens, and start considering where they will be, before God, if it doesn't- WE ALL NEED THE OIL!
Pharisees did religion in a rut, and professed faith with no burning for love of God or others- no compassion no kindness, no zeal, save to simply portray religion. Rutted in tradition is not the same as being rooted in faith.
Faith will take the risk of pulling out of the rut, driving around the old path, and forge forward in the hopes and bright expectations that God will indeed meet them there, and since he is an Unfailing God, He will. Will there be bumps in the road? you bet- some will ruthlessly cling to their lanterns and shuffle about in the dark for fear of any change- but others, the New Generation of deep calls to deep believers, will come thirsty, desiring change, hungering for all Christ has, restoring the oil of joy and praise into the lamps, Burning bright in preparation for their beloved!
Oh Father Let your heart pour out into this generation , stir our hunger, pull us out of tradition and religion and stoke us to a true flame, pour out the oil of your Spirit into our lives, and our atmosphere, and cause us to be unsatisfied with anything but MORE OF YOU.
Amen
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Power Play
I am going to a church where they swing wide there arms and say come on in, were glad to have you- they use you in your calling and give you two thumbs up for doing it- Services have variety, spontaneous testimony, and an open mic for a good word. Is there order, yes there is still order- but is it what folks are used to? No certainly not.
I am used to in all honesty a totally different atmosphere when I am in a body, and it goes something like this- three songs two times each run through-and then a break for the bulletin followed by a pastor speaking the Word, nothing is wrong with that, per say- but it leaves little opportunity for the church to be used as a whole, when only a trusted few are holding it together.
I have seen ministers so afraid that someone would come in and push them out of positioning that they wont even allow anyone but their chosen few to pray, guarded by deacons like hungry watch dogs they are ever on the lookout for anyone who might take them down- when the truth is, very few would even be interested, why bother? There's no room for growth in such a close-minded space.. Control is a problem in the bodies, burned pastors grapple for position, and while they step up their guard, they build walls around their church that actually become a prison to the body-how unfortunate.
While there is a delicate balance in leadership and it needs to be understood,when people follow authority that may have gotten power hungry, and takes on an almost militant stance and proudly speaks from the pulpit on any given thing words such as "Its My way or the Highway" then it is apparent power has run a muck.
I only know that when I am in a place that does not fear but instead promotes one another's callings, I can finally grow. I know that joy and compassion walk hand in hand with a people who crave MORE- who want to see the giftings and the Blessings of God and all that he has, and quite frankly that's where I would much rather be, because even if a church is overflowing with talented amazing folk who love Jesus, its all for nothing if they cant be used.
So here's my final thought, Beloved Pastor, or dear friend, let Go- Trust that God will do what needs to be done to make your church a healthy body, don't put up barriers that block growth or suspend them out as tokens for good behavior, let your people GO! because God cant do a new thing if your holding on to all the old things...Think about it- its true.
Brother or sister if ya wanna grow with God you gotta learn to Go with God. Amen!
I am used to in all honesty a totally different atmosphere when I am in a body, and it goes something like this- three songs two times each run through-and then a break for the bulletin followed by a pastor speaking the Word, nothing is wrong with that, per say- but it leaves little opportunity for the church to be used as a whole, when only a trusted few are holding it together.
I have seen ministers so afraid that someone would come in and push them out of positioning that they wont even allow anyone but their chosen few to pray, guarded by deacons like hungry watch dogs they are ever on the lookout for anyone who might take them down- when the truth is, very few would even be interested, why bother? There's no room for growth in such a close-minded space.. Control is a problem in the bodies, burned pastors grapple for position, and while they step up their guard, they build walls around their church that actually become a prison to the body-how unfortunate.
While there is a delicate balance in leadership and it needs to be understood,when people follow authority that may have gotten power hungry, and takes on an almost militant stance and proudly speaks from the pulpit on any given thing words such as "Its My way or the Highway" then it is apparent power has run a muck.
I only know that when I am in a place that does not fear but instead promotes one another's callings, I can finally grow. I know that joy and compassion walk hand in hand with a people who crave MORE- who want to see the giftings and the Blessings of God and all that he has, and quite frankly that's where I would much rather be, because even if a church is overflowing with talented amazing folk who love Jesus, its all for nothing if they cant be used.
So here's my final thought, Beloved Pastor, or dear friend, let Go- Trust that God will do what needs to be done to make your church a healthy body, don't put up barriers that block growth or suspend them out as tokens for good behavior, let your people GO! because God cant do a new thing if your holding on to all the old things...Think about it- its true.
Brother or sister if ya wanna grow with God you gotta learn to Go with God. Amen!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Faith in action
Faith seems easy to define- easy to comprehend. But ,in truth its an easier thought than it is an action. I was speaking to a brother in the Lord just yesterday and the conversation turned to why is it, some seem to be so blessed or at least untroubled,and they may not have a walk with God that is of surrender- they may not even have a relationship with God at all, Why do they see less hardships, than a believer such as my friend and I , walking out Gods will, believing him and surrendiering to Him, and yet-struggling to survive. I don't have the answer to that. I only know that the word promises the righteous won't be forsaken.
When we go through trying times, hard times, times of heartbreak and struggle, it can feel like God has forgotten or left us behind. Faith is strained, and the true test of it comes to light. Do I believe God, when I have to decide between buying staples that are needed, and keeping the electricity on.? Do I believe he loves, cares for, and supports me even when I cannot see those things currently in my life.
Well, I have found many who are not going through such hardships, quickly respond "Oh yes, I know God will supply," and many times, they offer pat answers, and judgemental observerations as to why your needs are not being met, and as to why they think that your heart must not be in the right place.
Frankly it is exceedingly easy to respond well to trial when your not the one in it or under it.
I turn back to the the Israelites as they walked through the desert- they had provision, water, manna, but after the day to day struggle of dessert heat-of being footsore and weary, even the things that were a blessing, in light of what they had known of comfort in Egypt, became, well- forgotten.
Guess what? I crave an oreo now and then- or a Krispy Kreme donut, I like socks without holes, and I could really use some new clothes- and yes lovie, I have food in the pantry, not a ton, but enough to keep on keeping on for a little longer, but will it keep me from desiring a Krispy Kreme,a good steak, or a trip to the mall for some bath bubbles and a new outfit, no.
I comprehend that trials come, that God provides, but not much unlike my forefathers walking through the desert, I get tired of just manna and crave things I cannot have and have not seen for some time. I suppose to some that makes me ungrateful, I dont think it does, I think it just makes me human . I believe my ancient counter parts believed God, and saw his hand, and while there have been times in my life where I thought I would never act as ungrateful as the people following Moses in the desert, but- from this vantage point, I can now comprehend, want.
Heres the thing though my faith is tried, not because I believe God has abandoned me, not because I believe some unconfessed sin has held me captive( Believe me you go through something like this,and like Job, you throw everything but the kitchen sink at God, in considering what may keep you from his blessing, you dont leave a stone uncovered and you dont leave anything shoved under a rug, because frankly aint nobody wants to stay in a miserable place for this long..so no, there isn't any un-repented sin) I dont even believe my faith is tried at this point because the devil is persecuting me,not when I have a big God who could easily and readily come to my defense opts not to, sorry, not buying it. No beloved.,I am where I am because the Lord himself wants me to be here.
So what do I do from here?
Well, I look at it deeper. I look at it from an outsider view, that isn't tainted by perspectives of selfishness, or judgementalness. I look at it from a Gospel view.
See my Father asked me many moons ago, if I would be willing to sacrifice all to follow Him. And I told him yes. Without thinking or pondering, or weighing it, I said yes.Know why? Because even though I had understood some hardship I had yet to walk a dessert. mmm. yep. I understood sacrifice and commitment from a faith in thought view, not a faith in action one.
And, here I am. Suddenly I comprehend, Job having lost everything, plagued by illness, hurt by those he loved and trusted. I comprehend Jobs heart and mindset-. I See David, alone in a cave, weeping at loss, pained by his own sin, repentive, remorseful, helpless at times,and boardering hopeless, yet turning to God again and again,asking for help, leaning in to the only company He had , God and God alone. I Comprehend.
I understand the Israelites, knowing a God of fearsome power, and complete mercy, of provision, and of guidance, yet at times while staring at yet another loaf of manna , and asking God "IS THIS IT? " Oh yes, I comprehend.
See we say we will carry the cross of Christ, and we fashion a set of wood, nail it together and we walk a mile on a public roadway, and say, there you go Lord, I carried it, but we in truth, gave nothing of lifetime of commitment in that, we barely broke a sweat, we did not feel blood trickle down our cheeks, we did not feel the splineters of rejection and betrayal, we did not touch the sins of a world lost, we did not bare it to death, we meerly, carried two by fours.
The reality is this beloved, when we make a promise to the Lord, we must weigh what we have promised, and realize, our FAITH will be tested, not because we are big toys on a chestboard, but because God has our GOOD in mind. Hard to fathom lovies, hard to believe in the midst of suffering , persecution, loss, that our Good is in mind, but it is.
How can I say that? ahhhh beloved, because I have Faith. Not faith in words, faith in FIRE. Faith in TROUBLE, Faith in HUNGER, Faith in LOSS. Faith in HEARTACHE. Faith in LONELYNESS.
When I look at the cross Jesus asked me to carry, I realize he wasn't being figuritive, he was telling me something deeper, something I couldn't comprehend without actually going through fire, and harship, and trial, and judgement, and betrayal, the cross has weight, it is not frivoulous, it is not a jesture, it has the weight of trial and tribulation and souls on it. Yes Lord I comprehend.
Faith is an action, it doesn't end in a hard time, it begins there. It envelopes the Gospel, and lives out a love for Christ that seeps from comprehension. So while some delve into theries and beliefs that Christains are unmarred by any hardships and that if we are of God. that we live worryfree, and financially blessed, I find, thats not the Journey I have walked at all, and in the journey I am seeing an inkling of what Jesus felt, I am comprehending Faith in a whole new light, I am leaving behind, krispy kremes and scented bath soaps, and carrying only my sandals.. Somedays i struggle because I have developed blisters on my feet in the walk,that I am tired and sore and dirty,but I also know, this is the walk he asked me to walk, he asked me to understand,he asked me to pursue, and I said Yes, and the ironocy is- today, knowing all I know, of sacrifice and loss, I would still chose the sandals and the cross, and the closeness of comprehending, to the smallest degree, that I am indeed, being crucified with Christ. That my faith is forged by fire, and not because He wants me to suffer, but because he wants me to grow into being more LIKE HIM.
Beautiful Savior.
When we go through trying times, hard times, times of heartbreak and struggle, it can feel like God has forgotten or left us behind. Faith is strained, and the true test of it comes to light. Do I believe God, when I have to decide between buying staples that are needed, and keeping the electricity on.? Do I believe he loves, cares for, and supports me even when I cannot see those things currently in my life.
Well, I have found many who are not going through such hardships, quickly respond "Oh yes, I know God will supply," and many times, they offer pat answers, and judgemental observerations as to why your needs are not being met, and as to why they think that your heart must not be in the right place.
Frankly it is exceedingly easy to respond well to trial when your not the one in it or under it.
I turn back to the the Israelites as they walked through the desert- they had provision, water, manna, but after the day to day struggle of dessert heat-of being footsore and weary, even the things that were a blessing, in light of what they had known of comfort in Egypt, became, well- forgotten.
Guess what? I crave an oreo now and then- or a Krispy Kreme donut, I like socks without holes, and I could really use some new clothes- and yes lovie, I have food in the pantry, not a ton, but enough to keep on keeping on for a little longer, but will it keep me from desiring a Krispy Kreme,a good steak, or a trip to the mall for some bath bubbles and a new outfit, no.
I comprehend that trials come, that God provides, but not much unlike my forefathers walking through the desert, I get tired of just manna and crave things I cannot have and have not seen for some time. I suppose to some that makes me ungrateful, I dont think it does, I think it just makes me human . I believe my ancient counter parts believed God, and saw his hand, and while there have been times in my life where I thought I would never act as ungrateful as the people following Moses in the desert, but- from this vantage point, I can now comprehend, want.
Heres the thing though my faith is tried, not because I believe God has abandoned me, not because I believe some unconfessed sin has held me captive( Believe me you go through something like this,and like Job, you throw everything but the kitchen sink at God, in considering what may keep you from his blessing, you dont leave a stone uncovered and you dont leave anything shoved under a rug, because frankly aint nobody wants to stay in a miserable place for this long..so no, there isn't any un-repented sin) I dont even believe my faith is tried at this point because the devil is persecuting me,not when I have a big God who could easily and readily come to my defense opts not to, sorry, not buying it. No beloved.,I am where I am because the Lord himself wants me to be here.
So what do I do from here?
Well, I look at it deeper. I look at it from an outsider view, that isn't tainted by perspectives of selfishness, or judgementalness. I look at it from a Gospel view.
See my Father asked me many moons ago, if I would be willing to sacrifice all to follow Him. And I told him yes. Without thinking or pondering, or weighing it, I said yes.Know why? Because even though I had understood some hardship I had yet to walk a dessert. mmm. yep. I understood sacrifice and commitment from a faith in thought view, not a faith in action one.
And, here I am. Suddenly I comprehend, Job having lost everything, plagued by illness, hurt by those he loved and trusted. I comprehend Jobs heart and mindset-. I See David, alone in a cave, weeping at loss, pained by his own sin, repentive, remorseful, helpless at times,and boardering hopeless, yet turning to God again and again,asking for help, leaning in to the only company He had , God and God alone. I Comprehend.
I understand the Israelites, knowing a God of fearsome power, and complete mercy, of provision, and of guidance, yet at times while staring at yet another loaf of manna , and asking God "IS THIS IT? " Oh yes, I comprehend.
See we say we will carry the cross of Christ, and we fashion a set of wood, nail it together and we walk a mile on a public roadway, and say, there you go Lord, I carried it, but we in truth, gave nothing of lifetime of commitment in that, we barely broke a sweat, we did not feel blood trickle down our cheeks, we did not feel the splineters of rejection and betrayal, we did not touch the sins of a world lost, we did not bare it to death, we meerly, carried two by fours.
The reality is this beloved, when we make a promise to the Lord, we must weigh what we have promised, and realize, our FAITH will be tested, not because we are big toys on a chestboard, but because God has our GOOD in mind. Hard to fathom lovies, hard to believe in the midst of suffering , persecution, loss, that our Good is in mind, but it is.
How can I say that? ahhhh beloved, because I have Faith. Not faith in words, faith in FIRE. Faith in TROUBLE, Faith in HUNGER, Faith in LOSS. Faith in HEARTACHE. Faith in LONELYNESS.
When I look at the cross Jesus asked me to carry, I realize he wasn't being figuritive, he was telling me something deeper, something I couldn't comprehend without actually going through fire, and harship, and trial, and judgement, and betrayal, the cross has weight, it is not frivoulous, it is not a jesture, it has the weight of trial and tribulation and souls on it. Yes Lord I comprehend.
Faith is an action, it doesn't end in a hard time, it begins there. It envelopes the Gospel, and lives out a love for Christ that seeps from comprehension. So while some delve into theries and beliefs that Christains are unmarred by any hardships and that if we are of God. that we live worryfree, and financially blessed, I find, thats not the Journey I have walked at all, and in the journey I am seeing an inkling of what Jesus felt, I am comprehending Faith in a whole new light, I am leaving behind, krispy kremes and scented bath soaps, and carrying only my sandals.. Somedays i struggle because I have developed blisters on my feet in the walk,that I am tired and sore and dirty,but I also know, this is the walk he asked me to walk, he asked me to understand,he asked me to pursue, and I said Yes, and the ironocy is- today, knowing all I know, of sacrifice and loss, I would still chose the sandals and the cross, and the closeness of comprehending, to the smallest degree, that I am indeed, being crucified with Christ. That my faith is forged by fire, and not because He wants me to suffer, but because he wants me to grow into being more LIKE HIM.
Beautiful Savior.
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