I remember sitting in the church, waiting for my husband whom I had been separated with and had barely spoken to in almost 7 months, to come through the doors the day he had promised to go to counsel with me and move towards reconciliation. My heart beat with every squeak of the door a little faster, but each time it creaked open, it wasn't him. Service began and I was still waiting checking the door pensively every few minutes. After service was full underway, my daughter walked through the doors. Her weary face showed the mornings struggles red rimmed and worn out. She moved into my aisle and leaned over to my ear whispering, ”Mom, he's not coming, he left. I tried to stop him, but he just left, he's on his way to the airport.” Words cannot say the deep feeling of grief that enveloped me in that moment knowing all I had hoped for was lost. I looked into the face of the worship leader who had undermined me to take my place, and was trying to control the tears and welling pain which threatened to overtake me. I knew to well, there were people waiting to swoop on my brokenness like ravenous wolves, and my silent prayers wracked the heavens. The feelings of despair and panic hit me like a wave. As I looked into the church almost blinded with my sorrow, and yelled out silently to God ”God I can't take this, I cant break down here, where someone would love to see me crushed, I can't bare more God! I can't stay here, I can't worship! “As suddenly as I had moved to leave, an overwhelming peace flooded me, and a still small voice spoke to me, “ Do you worship because of your circumstances, or because of me?” My shame at the realization that even as a long term worship leader, and all the years of preaching and teaching the heart of worship, the truth of what worship was hit me like a ton of bricks! Worship was about God! The tears sprang forth like a well as I released my grip on all that had threatened to take me down, and gave God my fullest and probably my most passionate praise ever!! In that moment I experienced a release with God I had never before. I was barren and broken before him, I was 100% real. I believe Moses had his moment like this as well. When he walked onto the mountain and overlooked the great battle where his family and friends fought, his heart must have been heavy and weary, what a tremendous burden to bare...Standing for hours arms outstretched and walking stick in hand, the battle raged, and Moses stood in prayer and praise... Exodus 17:11 So it came about when Moses held his hand up that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down Amolek prevailed. Imagine holding your hands in praise for hours, from dusk to dawn, is it any wonder his two friends and supporters Aaron and Hur were needed for additional support? We as a church find it hard to even lift our hands a few minutes in tough times, but here is Moses, watching his loved ones in harms way, and if he gives up in this place, all that he loves will be lost! Moses, stands in a place where two battlefields rage, that of his heart, and that of his people. He is purposed for this moment, to one thing, standing as a example of worship and Praise to God! WOW! See all the land could view this man, positioned on a mountain top, surrendered to God, when he fell short, he lowered his hands, grew weary, and in doing so who knows how many people he loved were lost in battle, But, when he lifted those hands, in absolute desperate worship, that is when the victory was won...WOW !WOW! WOW! To me this speaks volumes. We have lost a major understanding of purposing to praise in the midst of life's battles. Sure its hard, sure its waring, but, it IS where our victory lies. Dead center in the middle of struggle, is triumph!.When we lift our hands in this weary, dry, hard, desolate place, when we lift our hearts and tears and frustrations, and give them to God in passionate praise, we win the battle. When we forget praise, when we walk in self, when we tire and say we cannot go another step, we fall back, and the battle wins over us. There is power in lifting these hands to a mighty God, and believing him at his words.YES THERE IS!!!
My heart will forever be a praiser, I have learned in deep sorrow, that the more I give God praise despite my circumstances the more I feel his overwhelming peace and joy. I go from depression to decompression, all that was inflated and huge in my eyes, becomes small, insignificant,and really pointless in the view of his beauty and presence. Here is the place, where you begin to whisper, God I will praise you, because you are worthy, faithful, beautiful, amazing, your words do not fail me, you are what you say oh God, and because of that, I worship, I give glory, I honor you, not because of what I am going through, but because you are worthy God, no matter what, you are WORTHY!
David came to an understanding of the deep soul of man calling to the deep heart of God, when he danced barren before God in the courtyard, onlookers shook their heads and his wife scolded him, but still he danced, and danced. I love this story because it is the heartbeat of open and true praise. God sees us friends, he sees our heartaches, he sees our sins, he sees our foolishness, just like we are standing naked before him, nothing hidden before his eyes. See that's all David was doing, he was saying, the God who sees me just as I am, not in Kings Garments, not in fools clothes, but me David, that God loves me! And I have nothing to hide, nothing to keep from him, I give him all that is me, down to my core being, I hold nothing back, I wont even allow my dignity to stand in the way, because GOD is GOD and he will see right through my pretense, and he will see this naked soul. To me that is divinely beautiful. When we can come before majesty, and say, nothing hidden, nothing left behind, all of me Lord, I give. That's a place where we win battles....Hands up in praise- not because we have overcome our circumstances, but because the Blood of an over comer runs through our veins, because we are his kids, because he is Worthy!
There is no sweeter fragrance to God, than that of broken abandon. Here am I Lord....I am worn, I am tired, I am half crazy, but here am I, standing barren before you, with my arms raised, You are Worthy mountain mover!!!Worthy, Life changer!! Worthy, of every ounce of my praise!!! And I WILL resolve oh God to praise you in the battle, as I would in the victory, because God, Praising you is part of my victory....Lift him my lovelies, lift him up!!!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Dead man walkin!
My Mothers home is a giant dust ball. There are particles flying through the air in her house that I would not be surprised have survived the pre-historic era. She proudly states that her dust is special, because germs have the right to live too. Dust hangs from pink fairies wings and cluttered paper collections as if I am the rude one to intrude on their space. I at times think that all the dust bunnies in the world collaborate at my mothers home and have a dust bunny convention. I have never seen so much debris gathering in one small space in all my life!
In the word of God, dust is equally troublesome. God first brings dust to light with Adam in Genesis 2:7: Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being.
I think its a bit spooky that our great great great times a few hundred greats, grand daddy, was a human dust ball. Hang in there, I am going somewhere with this!
We as humans are this walking, talking, ball of matter, a fact that utterly fascinates me. Our Bodies are so much a part of the chain of life that we began our existence in dust and return to the earth, eventually the same way. Wow! When I think of that it blows my mind! Our earthly beings will someday become one with earth, burrowing down into nature. One with the roots and the nutrients in an endless cycle of replenishing and restoration. That's amazing! How odd then that God describes our earthy decay so differently in this circumstance..
Ezekiel 37:13: Then you will know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves and caused you to come up out of your graves, My people.
God commissions Ezekiel to talk to the religious and the idol worshiping crowds, the dry dead remains of his church, and command life back into them. In fact he uses the word “breathe” in this chapter. He describes the flesh and sinew coming back on the bones to form life again in the body. He brings back from the remains of dust and decay, and blows life, and Hope into their weary dead existence!
It is no mistake that God uses the dust of his people. Our life is important, our existence as purposed and planned as the circle of life.
When God formed you he blew the first breath of life into your soul. You became a person of significance. His Holiness chose to dwell in an earthen(or dust made vessel) and become a walking portrait of the life and love of God with in you.
It is unfortunate then that the body of believers have sunk to some degree back in the grave, forgetting their purpose, their value, and devaluing the importance and life of one another. I believe in our modern terminology, we have begun to resemble Zombies! Well frankly, when we walk in the dust of religion and not in the life of relationship, we are what Ezekiel saw in his vision. A not so lovely version of the undead, dead! Consider this, Dear one, when Christ commissioned his followers to speak and tell the gospel, those who were not received were told this in Mathew 10:14: And whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake off the dust of your feet.
Do not miss this Church, its an understated thought. You are a Holy vessel, you are a purposed vessel, the spirit of a mighty living God resides in you, where you tread, and the dust you stir is Holy ground because God almighty lives in you! It is not a light thing to reject his earthen vessel and the love of God it brings. The biggest sign of dishonor to the hosts was to take off those Holy sandals and shake the dirt off of them!
You have a choice to be the dust that stirs life and growth into a thirsty earth, or to be the body with one foot in the grave, but you are purposed to be a beautiful example of Holiness, in a dust made vessel.
In the word of God, dust is equally troublesome. God first brings dust to light with Adam in Genesis 2:7: Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being.
I think its a bit spooky that our great great great times a few hundred greats, grand daddy, was a human dust ball. Hang in there, I am going somewhere with this!
We as humans are this walking, talking, ball of matter, a fact that utterly fascinates me. Our Bodies are so much a part of the chain of life that we began our existence in dust and return to the earth, eventually the same way. Wow! When I think of that it blows my mind! Our earthly beings will someday become one with earth, burrowing down into nature. One with the roots and the nutrients in an endless cycle of replenishing and restoration. That's amazing! How odd then that God describes our earthy decay so differently in this circumstance..
Ezekiel 37:13: Then you will know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves and caused you to come up out of your graves, My people.
God commissions Ezekiel to talk to the religious and the idol worshiping crowds, the dry dead remains of his church, and command life back into them. In fact he uses the word “breathe” in this chapter. He describes the flesh and sinew coming back on the bones to form life again in the body. He brings back from the remains of dust and decay, and blows life, and Hope into their weary dead existence!
It is no mistake that God uses the dust of his people. Our life is important, our existence as purposed and planned as the circle of life.
When God formed you he blew the first breath of life into your soul. You became a person of significance. His Holiness chose to dwell in an earthen(or dust made vessel) and become a walking portrait of the life and love of God with in you.
It is unfortunate then that the body of believers have sunk to some degree back in the grave, forgetting their purpose, their value, and devaluing the importance and life of one another. I believe in our modern terminology, we have begun to resemble Zombies! Well frankly, when we walk in the dust of religion and not in the life of relationship, we are what Ezekiel saw in his vision. A not so lovely version of the undead, dead! Consider this, Dear one, when Christ commissioned his followers to speak and tell the gospel, those who were not received were told this in Mathew 10:14: And whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake off the dust of your feet.
Do not miss this Church, its an understated thought. You are a Holy vessel, you are a purposed vessel, the spirit of a mighty living God resides in you, where you tread, and the dust you stir is Holy ground because God almighty lives in you! It is not a light thing to reject his earthen vessel and the love of God it brings. The biggest sign of dishonor to the hosts was to take off those Holy sandals and shake the dirt off of them!
You have a choice to be the dust that stirs life and growth into a thirsty earth, or to be the body with one foot in the grave, but you are purposed to be a beautiful example of Holiness, in a dust made vessel.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The Tapestry
Today a dear and precious friend emailed me, after a long intermission between communication, and I am so happy that she did!!! She lived just down the street from me and every day she came strolling down to my house, or I hers, for a cup of coffee, laughter, tears or just good conversation. We are and were very close and I admired her greatly. She was gentle, soft spoken, well mannered. In other words, everything I was not! She could gently rebuke my airy ways, and coming from that perspective I took it well. I looked at her often as the girl with all her ducks in a row. During that time, I envied that, all my ducks seemed bent to bump and colide into each other in hapless abandone!
My life after 20 some odd years of marriage lacked the luster of happy ducks paddling about, I am afraid, and I tended to cry on her shoulder alot. From my vantage point all the things I had hoped for in a marriage were lost to me, and the anger and oppression I felt in my spouses need for control was many times deeply overwhelming. My ducks were dented and bruised, and as a Godly woman I couldnt perceive some days how I could keep my bobbing head above water.
The sweet thing about a Godly friend, is they give you perspective, such a wonderful gift. Even if your world is a dark place just having their presence in it can help greatly. I have never forgotten her input in my life, her always uplifting heart, something I needed so badly!
One day when I had come to visit her, heart heavy over some dissapointment or other, I recalled telling her, "What is this all about, why do I have to go through this, why is it that I prayed and prayed for a Godly marriage and I have done all I can to make it that way but nothing I try works?"
My whole view of life had become so dark and unhappy, the weight of it, a constant reminder of failure.
She looked at me and said this. "Tara, you are seeing life from the back side of a tapestry, from your view its tangles, knots, frizz, and mess. You cant see anything but that, and to you its your picture.
But God sees your life from the work its becoming, he sees the tapestry, he sees the picture. Your not lost to the work you see on the tangled side, your part of this beautiful picture hes creating in you."
Some days our lives are a tangled knot of heartaches and hurts, pain and sorrow and loss. We see nothing good from what we have grown to become, we see no beauty in the quality of life we've grown to know.
But God sees us. God looks at the picture in entirity and says, "These dark colors here, are those storms you went through and those tears you cried, those heartaches you have muddled through. Without the darker parts these faces and those flowers would lack definition, see how they illistrate beauty now?
Yes Lord, I see.
I think it is hard to see definition in the middle of frustration, anger, loss and depression. Its hard to see hope, beauty, and a better picture but that is the very definition behind Faith dear ones.
Faith is like this tapestry. Its believing when you cannot see the beauty or the design between all the knots in your life that a God who is the master artist of beauty and good still works it out for your Good. Its knowing that even when you cannot fathom Good, the very essence of Good is God.
When you cannot see anything but the knots in your life, know that a Faithful God is still working on it, he never fails, the beauty is in the making, the depth is in the trusting, he WILL make your devistating circumstances a work of art! Believing God when you cannot see beauty, belieivng him because his character is absolute, believing that his Words spoken in those quiet prayerful times to your aching heart are still TRUTH. Baby, thats faith. I love this area of scripture when going through a hard time, it perfectly displays where our thoughts need to be centered!
Philipians 4:8 says this-Finally Brethern, whatever is true ( all that God says to you in his word is true, Jesus is True, and his promises are true! Gods character is the epitimy of truth!) whatever is honorable ( What brings God Glory, how I conduct myself right now, how I convey myself, how I believe him, how he is faithful, how he is loving, how he does not lie to me, standing in those things are honorable.) whatever is right (God you are right, how you tell me to live is right, how you live in me is right and believing you is right, even when I face all the wrong circumstances I know You are all that is right in me and you can make the wrong right, even if its only my point of view!) whatever is pure (Lord your words are pure, your love is pure, your Holiness is pure, help me to worhsip you from a pure heart, a heart that sees your good so that I can see things from a pure view. Give me a pure perspective God! Make pure= clear and cleansing, like water, unmuddy my thoughts, my heart, my mind so I can see YOU in my circumstances!) whatever is lovely (God, your name is lovely, sitting in your presence is lovely, knowing you love me is lovely, your power to change lives is so lovely. God, your view of me is lovely, your perspectives are lovely and praising you for who you are is lovely!! Your gifts to me in friends, church and family is lovely, your sunrises and sunsets are lovely, your beauty that surrounds me is lovely, the crisp winter snow, the smell of ocean air, the beauty of a flower, all these things I take for granted God, I forget how utterly Lovely you are, to give me love on display, so lovely!) whatever is of Good repute (God what have I been saying about you, in how I react in my circumstance? Am I telling of your goodness to others or have I shown them a lack of trusting you at your words over my life. Forgive me God, I want my heart to know all these things, to speak your goodness. I want to recall your beauty, saying your truths over myself, over others, over my life, and bring you honor! Let my words Honor YOU and bring you a good report God!) if there is any excellence (God if I am going to see your good. I need to start agreeing your good, if I am going to see your hands in my life at work, I have to start saying your hands have not stopped working, if I am am going to believe your promises arent for everyone BUT me I have to start claiming your promises for myself! Because God I do believe you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are awesome, you have never changed your miracle making power, your works do Not fade, your love does Not die, and your character does Not lie, therefore I stand in Your excellence and believe your excellence for my life!) and if anything worthy of praise( God you are worthy of my praise, no matter what goes on in my life I need to learn to praise you because you are worthy, not because everything is going well God but simply because you are worthy! God I also need to learn to praise my life more, praise my family and lift them up, my friends, my blessings. I tend to look at all thats gone wrong more. God, forgive me, you bless me and I have taken it for granted, help me walk in praise, help me center on you more, help me let Go! Help me God think on You, because you loved me, because you deemed me worthy to love, thankyou. Beautiful, beautiful, Savior!) Let your mind dwell on these things!!!
(The importance of seeing God in our hardships is so fundamental to our faith, understanding that if I think on the things that will inspire, establish, reconstruct me, about God, about myself, and the positive things I see in life and others, I will begin to build even if my life has been shattered, construction starts brick by brick, not instantaneously!! Rebuilding by reconstructing my thoughts, oh God, to learn to dwell on YOU, what you do, who you are and how I need to concentrate on the positive, Amen!)
Faith is not about when you can see the art or the ducks paddling in unison. Faith is when you cannot percieve any good from an outcome, accept that your loving God is there handling it all. Faith is standing in the art work you cannot see and understanding that he is making something beautiful from your mess!
What a beautiful work you are...stitch by painstaking stitch, your a masterpiece.
My life after 20 some odd years of marriage lacked the luster of happy ducks paddling about, I am afraid, and I tended to cry on her shoulder alot. From my vantage point all the things I had hoped for in a marriage were lost to me, and the anger and oppression I felt in my spouses need for control was many times deeply overwhelming. My ducks were dented and bruised, and as a Godly woman I couldnt perceive some days how I could keep my bobbing head above water.
The sweet thing about a Godly friend, is they give you perspective, such a wonderful gift. Even if your world is a dark place just having their presence in it can help greatly. I have never forgotten her input in my life, her always uplifting heart, something I needed so badly!
One day when I had come to visit her, heart heavy over some dissapointment or other, I recalled telling her, "What is this all about, why do I have to go through this, why is it that I prayed and prayed for a Godly marriage and I have done all I can to make it that way but nothing I try works?"
My whole view of life had become so dark and unhappy, the weight of it, a constant reminder of failure.
She looked at me and said this. "Tara, you are seeing life from the back side of a tapestry, from your view its tangles, knots, frizz, and mess. You cant see anything but that, and to you its your picture.
But God sees your life from the work its becoming, he sees the tapestry, he sees the picture. Your not lost to the work you see on the tangled side, your part of this beautiful picture hes creating in you."
Some days our lives are a tangled knot of heartaches and hurts, pain and sorrow and loss. We see nothing good from what we have grown to become, we see no beauty in the quality of life we've grown to know.
But God sees us. God looks at the picture in entirity and says, "These dark colors here, are those storms you went through and those tears you cried, those heartaches you have muddled through. Without the darker parts these faces and those flowers would lack definition, see how they illistrate beauty now?
Yes Lord, I see.
I think it is hard to see definition in the middle of frustration, anger, loss and depression. Its hard to see hope, beauty, and a better picture but that is the very definition behind Faith dear ones.
Faith is like this tapestry. Its believing when you cannot see the beauty or the design between all the knots in your life that a God who is the master artist of beauty and good still works it out for your Good. Its knowing that even when you cannot fathom Good, the very essence of Good is God.
When you cannot see anything but the knots in your life, know that a Faithful God is still working on it, he never fails, the beauty is in the making, the depth is in the trusting, he WILL make your devistating circumstances a work of art! Believing God when you cannot see beauty, belieivng him because his character is absolute, believing that his Words spoken in those quiet prayerful times to your aching heart are still TRUTH. Baby, thats faith. I love this area of scripture when going through a hard time, it perfectly displays where our thoughts need to be centered!
Philipians 4:8 says this-Finally Brethern, whatever is true ( all that God says to you in his word is true, Jesus is True, and his promises are true! Gods character is the epitimy of truth!) whatever is honorable ( What brings God Glory, how I conduct myself right now, how I convey myself, how I believe him, how he is faithful, how he is loving, how he does not lie to me, standing in those things are honorable.) whatever is right (God you are right, how you tell me to live is right, how you live in me is right and believing you is right, even when I face all the wrong circumstances I know You are all that is right in me and you can make the wrong right, even if its only my point of view!) whatever is pure (Lord your words are pure, your love is pure, your Holiness is pure, help me to worhsip you from a pure heart, a heart that sees your good so that I can see things from a pure view. Give me a pure perspective God! Make pure= clear and cleansing, like water, unmuddy my thoughts, my heart, my mind so I can see YOU in my circumstances!) whatever is lovely (God, your name is lovely, sitting in your presence is lovely, knowing you love me is lovely, your power to change lives is so lovely. God, your view of me is lovely, your perspectives are lovely and praising you for who you are is lovely!! Your gifts to me in friends, church and family is lovely, your sunrises and sunsets are lovely, your beauty that surrounds me is lovely, the crisp winter snow, the smell of ocean air, the beauty of a flower, all these things I take for granted God, I forget how utterly Lovely you are, to give me love on display, so lovely!) whatever is of Good repute (God what have I been saying about you, in how I react in my circumstance? Am I telling of your goodness to others or have I shown them a lack of trusting you at your words over my life. Forgive me God, I want my heart to know all these things, to speak your goodness. I want to recall your beauty, saying your truths over myself, over others, over my life, and bring you honor! Let my words Honor YOU and bring you a good report God!) if there is any excellence (God if I am going to see your good. I need to start agreeing your good, if I am going to see your hands in my life at work, I have to start saying your hands have not stopped working, if I am am going to believe your promises arent for everyone BUT me I have to start claiming your promises for myself! Because God I do believe you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are awesome, you have never changed your miracle making power, your works do Not fade, your love does Not die, and your character does Not lie, therefore I stand in Your excellence and believe your excellence for my life!) and if anything worthy of praise( God you are worthy of my praise, no matter what goes on in my life I need to learn to praise you because you are worthy, not because everything is going well God but simply because you are worthy! God I also need to learn to praise my life more, praise my family and lift them up, my friends, my blessings. I tend to look at all thats gone wrong more. God, forgive me, you bless me and I have taken it for granted, help me walk in praise, help me center on you more, help me let Go! Help me God think on You, because you loved me, because you deemed me worthy to love, thankyou. Beautiful, beautiful, Savior!) Let your mind dwell on these things!!!
(The importance of seeing God in our hardships is so fundamental to our faith, understanding that if I think on the things that will inspire, establish, reconstruct me, about God, about myself, and the positive things I see in life and others, I will begin to build even if my life has been shattered, construction starts brick by brick, not instantaneously!! Rebuilding by reconstructing my thoughts, oh God, to learn to dwell on YOU, what you do, who you are and how I need to concentrate on the positive, Amen!)
Faith is not about when you can see the art or the ducks paddling in unison. Faith is when you cannot percieve any good from an outcome, accept that your loving God is there handling it all. Faith is standing in the art work you cannot see and understanding that he is making something beautiful from your mess!
What a beautiful work you are...stitch by painstaking stitch, your a masterpiece.
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