I was talking the other day with one of my best friends, he is a bit of a deep thinker and by his own right a theologian..I tend to turn to him when I need a perception slightly different from what I would get from most of my peers, because he offers a depth most do not- and he challenges me to re- think some of the mindsets I have had, but in this instance I was the teacher and he was the grasshopper, I hope at least.
We had gotten into a conversation regarding the disciples, how cool it would have been to walk and talk with Jesus, right there, seeing miracles and majesty in action. The topic turned a tidge towards faith in Christ but still centered in this walk with the disciples and Christ at the core. We talked about how they fell short, bickered and desired positioning. and why that was-
Flesh has this tendency to want to be approved, to desire to get ahead, titles and pomp, fighting for recognition. Thats flesh, and pride, and we all fall short to it from time to time. and the disciples day by day, saw the crowds, saw the miracles, saw the power . They saw, a great advantage. They had moments of flesh just as we do lovies, have we not regarded some church folk highly, and then sat satisfied in our acquaintance,?Or bragged on some encounter with a person of renown' we had run into? Sure, and so it was with the disciples, it is not that they lacked belief so much as it was, they didn't see the fullness of Christ.
He asked why they behaved that way when they were right there with Christ. And I replied, because even though they were right there with him, they STILL had not fully SEEN Him.
" You don't think they did" " No," I said "They didn't" ' But they were right there with Hhm, watching him do miracles, watching what He did. Yes, and they percieved it was a miracle. But remember the devil had some miracles to. There were majicians, there were false messengers, its not like it is any different today. We see a miracle, and we question its reality, we see its possibility we see its work, but we do not always accept it for what it is. The old mind tends to render it less than. Just the humanity in us.
"Well, If I had been there I would have recognized him" I smiled. Couldnt help it, I smiled.
We have this second hand view, you know,? this perception of a mighty God, from a view the disciples did not have . We can look at the facets from a past tense perspective, and because we can gather the information and make a really good case for Christ, we think with what we know now, we would recognize him , then.
Oh Lovies, not even remotely.
I will tell you why, and this is a truth , that is pretty much gonna split this message apart, and it is one I spoke over my friend as well, if ever so gently.
"No , Hun the disciples did not recognize him fully, only a very few did. Only ONE showed him that sense of recognition He deserved." And that was? Mary. hmmm, not even a disciple.
You see lovey, Mary, sweet humble, broken by the love of Christ Mary- she saw Jesus, not for just the miracle of transformation in her life, not for merely the miracles of his hands, not merely for his authority, but for his divine nature. She saw Him as God, worthy of praise, worthy of her full heart and all her devotion. the others, they rested at his feet, they slept through the MOST vital hour of prayer with him, they grappled for postioning when Christ had spoken humility into them,they watched, but they did not SEE.
Mary, took the roll of servant to Christ, without thought. Why? Because she recognized the out and out GOD in Him. SHE saw God as WORTHY of devotion, she saw herself as small and gave Him only what she had to give in that positioning, worship. Peter refused to wash Christ feet, at the last supper even when the Lord told him the first would be last, the leader a servant. See Peter sat at the end of the table, the end where the water bowl stood, and the Lord had sat through a meal, unwashed. It was absolute necessity to be clean for eating, the world in that day didn't carry packs of disposable lysol. Clean hands before a meal, clean feet for where you sat- was a sign of regard, and honor. and respect .
Where Jesus sat, was the place of authority, the most honored place,nearest the door at the front of the table, flanking him would be the two people he chose to honor, and who would protect him from any enemy, (thus the need for the knife rendered when the military came to arrest Christ, it was already on hand. )Those sitting near him were chosen, those furthest away, were not outside of His reguard, but not whom he favoured at that moment. Interesting is it not? The beloved on one side, and Judas next to the beloved. ( but thats another story all together) Understand a guest of high positioning, you ALWAYS, ALWAYS, washed their hands and feet, you anointed the person with oil, because it was a signature to them, and to others of their Importance. No one had done that for Christ at the last supper, which IS very telling.
You see the LAST person at the table, was alloted that positioning, it was the FIRST job you did to honored guests. Those who sat nearest to Christ were those he honored. It was the pecking order, and Peter, he was at the very end of that order, in the foot washing place. the servants place. UG!I imagine Peter was pouting. the last thing he wanted was to wash peoples feet. How lowly. So he neglected Honoring God. SO God, came to Peter, picked up the towel, picked up the water, and removed the shoes, of he who SHOULD truly have served God. OHHH instantaneous conviction, and collosal error hit Petey in the face!
Think he learned after he said no Lord let me wash your feet? Think he recognized his error? NOPE- when Jesus died. Petey went back to fishing rather than follow the positoning the Lord had commisioned him to, a thankless position,.In fact a changing position, of continuous servant hood. Peter was to be the ROCK, the foundation others looked up to, was he? not at that moment he wasn't! Peter was to be the Pastor of wandering,always needy , Sheep. Yet he fished, why? Because though he understood all Jesus had spoken, he had not let it click in his brain- JESUS, SON OF GOD. had commissioned him. So when Christ reprimanded him for "SAYING he loved Christ as God" in John 21- He also turned him back to the mission, feeding the sheep. See if Peter saw GOD, he would have recognized what he was doing wrong, and changed it, right? RIGHT. But it took three I LOVE YOU's LORD, before he saw his error, He saw he had been lying to GOD, even about his love and devotion to him, because he flat out had failed to serve God as he promised. MMMM devotion to the Holy is a sure sign of SEEING GOD and it ALWAYS begins with the lowly heart of a servant.
So who Saw CHRIST of the disciples, in reality ? None of them did, I know you will want to argue with me on this, the mind says, but they followed him.. but they did miracles, mmm, yes. Many today follow signs and wonders and STILL fall short of sold out devotion. Many today , can preach a great gospel, but are the farthest thing from HIS SERVANTS. Many see and know OF Christ, But few truly DESIRE to KNOW HIM.KNOWING HIM, requires time, adoration, and a colossal sacrifice of SELF..
See if they had seen Christ as Mary saw Christ, they would have been grappling to be at HIS feet! His head would have dripped with the oil of a loved and honored guest, as was custom in that time, the fragrance of the oil would have pervaded into the city and every where Christ would have walked would have been a trail of the drip drip drip of twelve bottles of tear filled devotion. RIGHT? See there should have been the fight to be under his hand, there should have been a deep calls to deep ,reckoning- there should have been an almost agony of self loathing and of love unfathomable, of forgiveness undeserved, that the very floors Jesus sat in should have been wiped clean with tears, they should have been spotless, for a place of worship. RIGHT? THEY should NOT have been sprawled all about him, rather laying at his feet. There should have been words of adoration, sprinkled with tender touch, there should have been a clinging to God, and a desire to only be near him,so near they were right there, right within touch, hair mingled with oil, dirtied by the dusty trails of comprehension, of devotion, of desire, of adoration.RIGHT?
Beloved, SEEING Him, means serving HIM. It MEANS STAYING devoted, pure, driven to be near HIM. It means to be willing to be NOTHING so HE CAN BE EVERYTHING. It means falling back into servant hood,and under HIS Feet, with Great Joy.
Mary saw HIM,................DO YOU?
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Are we Rutted or Rooted? Truly Experiencing a NEW THING.
The sound of wagon wheels can almost still be heard traversing the dry rocky grasslands of Wyoming, each wagon following another down a dusty trail, over jagged stone and wild river,one after another. Inevitably somewhere down the road, the wheel of the lead wagon would get caught in a deep rut left by previous pioneers and break in the process, causing the entire train to stand idle for however long it took to fix the wheel. It was rare that a wagon would pull off the trail and go around, nobody wanted to be caught in territory unfamiliar , where the possibilities and pitfalls were unknown.
A few and I mean a very few, burned their own trail and moved forward. Overcoming whatever fear to endeavor in hope and progress. Progress can be a fearful thing, and likely we would rather sit with the clan rather than stake out the territory and roll out towards change, Ah but beloved, when we do that we sure can get our wagons in a rut!
I have moved to a new area- and in the process have sought a church of zealous believers like those I had known prior in Tennessee. Some suggestions being made to go here or there, I have followed up on- and having gone to the new body, found that when I had heard the bulletin, watched the video, listened to the familiar songs, and heard an either enthusiastic sermon (or not so enthusiastic,lol)teaching brought by the minister, have felt that save for the new faces and different buildings nothing much changed in their atmosphere.
My favorite thus far is a church that was lovingly friendly and openly so- not something I had encountered thus far- but still and again, though they were open to loving the four white faces in an all black crowd-Kuddos for that! Yet they to held onto traditions they had enjoyed long before I came, and will likely employ long after I am gone.
I like tradition to some degree- I bake the same cookies every year at holiday times, I make southern sweet potato pie, and gingerbread waffles pretty much every year, and I attempt to watch every holiday movie from a bygone era I can get my hands on- but due to situations, sometimes I have to vary what occurs and adapt- tradition then rolls with circumstance.
However- though we oft times say we are ready for change, and want to go there, it is amazing to me, how we will not alter or variate from what we have known.
We will sing our gospel,or contemporary songs just as we have heard them and have sung them..we will run service today, tomorow, and always just as we have run them, we will sit in the same pew, and expect the same things, and though we may say we want to see change or revival, we will sit in the rut of our chosen paths, well- pretty much ...Forever.
Yet we say- God is doing a NEW THING. And Lovie we say it like we mean it- but we little step away from our traditions and our old things, to let the new thing occur- ah we are so deeply rutted in fact we haven't even caught on to the fact our wheel is entirely broken.
Like way ward sheep we follow the same tradition,each in a line of generation to generation -in our services, in our behaviors, and in our responses. We say the popular catch phrase, we do like grandma did when she praised, we say what Pastor or some well known preacher said when he gets excited or does something we think has a need for an odd little evocation over a healing or circumstance, Like when we thunk a persons head or push them over well.Hmmm , Well Hunny God don't need me to thunk a head or rock someone into a balance toppling turn over- he can knock me clean out without a single touch! yet we thunk people in the same way that another thunked him, and I have to ask , WHY? Don't we trust a powerful God to do it without us? We measure our movements, attitudes, and inflections all by what we have done, seen or heard, OVER and Over, and over. Rather than each one of us becoming singular minded in Christ, we are following the next sheeps tail in our learned behaviors, and our services show it- Many back away from the crowd of bleating sheep, because they cannot see the master, just all those wagging tails moving down the road, one after the other- perpetually in line with a rut.
RUT. RUT. RUT.
I don't want to be rutted- I want to be rooted in God, Rooted in the fresh new and awe inspiring things of Christ- open, ready willing. I want to change whats necessary to make that happen, it may just mean I also need to change my mind, or dare I say it? Break away from tradition!
You see friend, God does want to breath new life into his bride, but here's an interesting thought we may want to take home to our hearts, There were ten virgins who awaited the bride groom, five were ready and prepared with lamp oil burning bright, while five were not.
Five represent the church who will seek God with openness, readiness, and - FRESH FILLED OIL, and five hoped to wing it and unfortunately got left in the dark.
( Scripture ref- Mt 25:1-13) Oh what an interesting parable this is- How it should provoke us to expectancy! For the ten foolish is this sad rutted out body, who borrows from tradition, stiffles change, and sits in religion, but changes nothing and prepares nothing for their beloved. They just sleep.
While the prudent virgins, not only prepared the lamps they carried they brought extra! whats this telling us beloved? read on- It speaks of those same foolish Virgins begging the wise ones for oil- why, because they lacked and were trying to improvise, trying to steal from the real- how sad, there was plenty of oil to be had, but they would rather float their little boats, in a tub that was full of leaks, and paddle about till it drained dry, oh Hunny, are we ever seeing the foolish virgins today! And that same group of sleepy girls, had to seek out a midnight oil shop, came late to their bridegroom, and entirely missed the voyage of their life!
When can you EVER see anything of the new if your so rutted in the old there is no room for change? When you sleep through your time to prepare for the groom! Answer...You cant.
You have to have a heart WAITING and READY. Seeking and SOUL THIRSTY. Because without expectation and readiness, the wells of oil in our lives are dried up and useless.
Lovie if I can pray just one thing into you- it is this, stop worrying over what others will think or do if change happens, and start considering where they will be, before God, if it doesn't- WE ALL NEED THE OIL!
Pharisees did religion in a rut, and professed faith with no burning for love of God or others- no compassion no kindness, no zeal, save to simply portray religion. Rutted in tradition is not the same as being rooted in faith.
Faith will take the risk of pulling out of the rut, driving around the old path, and forge forward in the hopes and bright expectations that God will indeed meet them there, and since he is an Unfailing God, He will. Will there be bumps in the road? you bet- some will ruthlessly cling to their lanterns and shuffle about in the dark for fear of any change- but others, the New Generation of deep calls to deep believers, will come thirsty, desiring change, hungering for all Christ has, restoring the oil of joy and praise into the lamps, Burning bright in preparation for their beloved!
Oh Father Let your heart pour out into this generation , stir our hunger, pull us out of tradition and religion and stoke us to a true flame, pour out the oil of your Spirit into our lives, and our atmosphere, and cause us to be unsatisfied with anything but MORE OF YOU.
Amen
A few and I mean a very few, burned their own trail and moved forward. Overcoming whatever fear to endeavor in hope and progress. Progress can be a fearful thing, and likely we would rather sit with the clan rather than stake out the territory and roll out towards change, Ah but beloved, when we do that we sure can get our wagons in a rut!
I have moved to a new area- and in the process have sought a church of zealous believers like those I had known prior in Tennessee. Some suggestions being made to go here or there, I have followed up on- and having gone to the new body, found that when I had heard the bulletin, watched the video, listened to the familiar songs, and heard an either enthusiastic sermon (or not so enthusiastic,lol)teaching brought by the minister, have felt that save for the new faces and different buildings nothing much changed in their atmosphere.
My favorite thus far is a church that was lovingly friendly and openly so- not something I had encountered thus far- but still and again, though they were open to loving the four white faces in an all black crowd-Kuddos for that! Yet they to held onto traditions they had enjoyed long before I came, and will likely employ long after I am gone.
I like tradition to some degree- I bake the same cookies every year at holiday times, I make southern sweet potato pie, and gingerbread waffles pretty much every year, and I attempt to watch every holiday movie from a bygone era I can get my hands on- but due to situations, sometimes I have to vary what occurs and adapt- tradition then rolls with circumstance.
However- though we oft times say we are ready for change, and want to go there, it is amazing to me, how we will not alter or variate from what we have known.
We will sing our gospel,or contemporary songs just as we have heard them and have sung them..we will run service today, tomorow, and always just as we have run them, we will sit in the same pew, and expect the same things, and though we may say we want to see change or revival, we will sit in the rut of our chosen paths, well- pretty much ...Forever.
Yet we say- God is doing a NEW THING. And Lovie we say it like we mean it- but we little step away from our traditions and our old things, to let the new thing occur- ah we are so deeply rutted in fact we haven't even caught on to the fact our wheel is entirely broken.
Like way ward sheep we follow the same tradition,each in a line of generation to generation -in our services, in our behaviors, and in our responses. We say the popular catch phrase, we do like grandma did when she praised, we say what Pastor or some well known preacher said when he gets excited or does something we think has a need for an odd little evocation over a healing or circumstance, Like when we thunk a persons head or push them over well.Hmmm , Well Hunny God don't need me to thunk a head or rock someone into a balance toppling turn over- he can knock me clean out without a single touch! yet we thunk people in the same way that another thunked him, and I have to ask , WHY? Don't we trust a powerful God to do it without us? We measure our movements, attitudes, and inflections all by what we have done, seen or heard, OVER and Over, and over. Rather than each one of us becoming singular minded in Christ, we are following the next sheeps tail in our learned behaviors, and our services show it- Many back away from the crowd of bleating sheep, because they cannot see the master, just all those wagging tails moving down the road, one after the other- perpetually in line with a rut.
RUT. RUT. RUT.
I don't want to be rutted- I want to be rooted in God, Rooted in the fresh new and awe inspiring things of Christ- open, ready willing. I want to change whats necessary to make that happen, it may just mean I also need to change my mind, or dare I say it? Break away from tradition!
You see friend, God does want to breath new life into his bride, but here's an interesting thought we may want to take home to our hearts, There were ten virgins who awaited the bride groom, five were ready and prepared with lamp oil burning bright, while five were not.
Five represent the church who will seek God with openness, readiness, and - FRESH FILLED OIL, and five hoped to wing it and unfortunately got left in the dark.
( Scripture ref- Mt 25:1-13) Oh what an interesting parable this is- How it should provoke us to expectancy! For the ten foolish is this sad rutted out body, who borrows from tradition, stiffles change, and sits in religion, but changes nothing and prepares nothing for their beloved. They just sleep.
While the prudent virgins, not only prepared the lamps they carried they brought extra! whats this telling us beloved? read on- It speaks of those same foolish Virgins begging the wise ones for oil- why, because they lacked and were trying to improvise, trying to steal from the real- how sad, there was plenty of oil to be had, but they would rather float their little boats, in a tub that was full of leaks, and paddle about till it drained dry, oh Hunny, are we ever seeing the foolish virgins today! And that same group of sleepy girls, had to seek out a midnight oil shop, came late to their bridegroom, and entirely missed the voyage of their life!
When can you EVER see anything of the new if your so rutted in the old there is no room for change? When you sleep through your time to prepare for the groom! Answer...You cant.
You have to have a heart WAITING and READY. Seeking and SOUL THIRSTY. Because without expectation and readiness, the wells of oil in our lives are dried up and useless.
Lovie if I can pray just one thing into you- it is this, stop worrying over what others will think or do if change happens, and start considering where they will be, before God, if it doesn't- WE ALL NEED THE OIL!
Pharisees did religion in a rut, and professed faith with no burning for love of God or others- no compassion no kindness, no zeal, save to simply portray religion. Rutted in tradition is not the same as being rooted in faith.
Faith will take the risk of pulling out of the rut, driving around the old path, and forge forward in the hopes and bright expectations that God will indeed meet them there, and since he is an Unfailing God, He will. Will there be bumps in the road? you bet- some will ruthlessly cling to their lanterns and shuffle about in the dark for fear of any change- but others, the New Generation of deep calls to deep believers, will come thirsty, desiring change, hungering for all Christ has, restoring the oil of joy and praise into the lamps, Burning bright in preparation for their beloved!
Oh Father Let your heart pour out into this generation , stir our hunger, pull us out of tradition and religion and stoke us to a true flame, pour out the oil of your Spirit into our lives, and our atmosphere, and cause us to be unsatisfied with anything but MORE OF YOU.
Amen
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Power Play
I am going to a church where they swing wide there arms and say come on in, were glad to have you- they use you in your calling and give you two thumbs up for doing it- Services have variety, spontaneous testimony, and an open mic for a good word. Is there order, yes there is still order- but is it what folks are used to? No certainly not.
I am used to in all honesty a totally different atmosphere when I am in a body, and it goes something like this- three songs two times each run through-and then a break for the bulletin followed by a pastor speaking the Word, nothing is wrong with that, per say- but it leaves little opportunity for the church to be used as a whole, when only a trusted few are holding it together.
I have seen ministers so afraid that someone would come in and push them out of positioning that they wont even allow anyone but their chosen few to pray, guarded by deacons like hungry watch dogs they are ever on the lookout for anyone who might take them down- when the truth is, very few would even be interested, why bother? There's no room for growth in such a close-minded space.. Control is a problem in the bodies, burned pastors grapple for position, and while they step up their guard, they build walls around their church that actually become a prison to the body-how unfortunate.
While there is a delicate balance in leadership and it needs to be understood,when people follow authority that may have gotten power hungry, and takes on an almost militant stance and proudly speaks from the pulpit on any given thing words such as "Its My way or the Highway" then it is apparent power has run a muck.
I only know that when I am in a place that does not fear but instead promotes one another's callings, I can finally grow. I know that joy and compassion walk hand in hand with a people who crave MORE- who want to see the giftings and the Blessings of God and all that he has, and quite frankly that's where I would much rather be, because even if a church is overflowing with talented amazing folk who love Jesus, its all for nothing if they cant be used.
So here's my final thought, Beloved Pastor, or dear friend, let Go- Trust that God will do what needs to be done to make your church a healthy body, don't put up barriers that block growth or suspend them out as tokens for good behavior, let your people GO! because God cant do a new thing if your holding on to all the old things...Think about it- its true.
Brother or sister if ya wanna grow with God you gotta learn to Go with God. Amen!
I am used to in all honesty a totally different atmosphere when I am in a body, and it goes something like this- three songs two times each run through-and then a break for the bulletin followed by a pastor speaking the Word, nothing is wrong with that, per say- but it leaves little opportunity for the church to be used as a whole, when only a trusted few are holding it together.
I have seen ministers so afraid that someone would come in and push them out of positioning that they wont even allow anyone but their chosen few to pray, guarded by deacons like hungry watch dogs they are ever on the lookout for anyone who might take them down- when the truth is, very few would even be interested, why bother? There's no room for growth in such a close-minded space.. Control is a problem in the bodies, burned pastors grapple for position, and while they step up their guard, they build walls around their church that actually become a prison to the body-how unfortunate.
While there is a delicate balance in leadership and it needs to be understood,when people follow authority that may have gotten power hungry, and takes on an almost militant stance and proudly speaks from the pulpit on any given thing words such as "Its My way or the Highway" then it is apparent power has run a muck.
I only know that when I am in a place that does not fear but instead promotes one another's callings, I can finally grow. I know that joy and compassion walk hand in hand with a people who crave MORE- who want to see the giftings and the Blessings of God and all that he has, and quite frankly that's where I would much rather be, because even if a church is overflowing with talented amazing folk who love Jesus, its all for nothing if they cant be used.
So here's my final thought, Beloved Pastor, or dear friend, let Go- Trust that God will do what needs to be done to make your church a healthy body, don't put up barriers that block growth or suspend them out as tokens for good behavior, let your people GO! because God cant do a new thing if your holding on to all the old things...Think about it- its true.
Brother or sister if ya wanna grow with God you gotta learn to Go with God. Amen!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Faith in action
Faith seems easy to define- easy to comprehend. But ,in truth its an easier thought than it is an action. I was speaking to a brother in the Lord just yesterday and the conversation turned to why is it, some seem to be so blessed or at least untroubled,and they may not have a walk with God that is of surrender- they may not even have a relationship with God at all, Why do they see less hardships, than a believer such as my friend and I , walking out Gods will, believing him and surrendiering to Him, and yet-struggling to survive. I don't have the answer to that. I only know that the word promises the righteous won't be forsaken.
When we go through trying times, hard times, times of heartbreak and struggle, it can feel like God has forgotten or left us behind. Faith is strained, and the true test of it comes to light. Do I believe God, when I have to decide between buying staples that are needed, and keeping the electricity on.? Do I believe he loves, cares for, and supports me even when I cannot see those things currently in my life.
Well, I have found many who are not going through such hardships, quickly respond "Oh yes, I know God will supply," and many times, they offer pat answers, and judgemental observerations as to why your needs are not being met, and as to why they think that your heart must not be in the right place.
Frankly it is exceedingly easy to respond well to trial when your not the one in it or under it.
I turn back to the the Israelites as they walked through the desert- they had provision, water, manna, but after the day to day struggle of dessert heat-of being footsore and weary, even the things that were a blessing, in light of what they had known of comfort in Egypt, became, well- forgotten.
Guess what? I crave an oreo now and then- or a Krispy Kreme donut, I like socks without holes, and I could really use some new clothes- and yes lovie, I have food in the pantry, not a ton, but enough to keep on keeping on for a little longer, but will it keep me from desiring a Krispy Kreme,a good steak, or a trip to the mall for some bath bubbles and a new outfit, no.
I comprehend that trials come, that God provides, but not much unlike my forefathers walking through the desert, I get tired of just manna and crave things I cannot have and have not seen for some time. I suppose to some that makes me ungrateful, I dont think it does, I think it just makes me human . I believe my ancient counter parts believed God, and saw his hand, and while there have been times in my life where I thought I would never act as ungrateful as the people following Moses in the desert, but- from this vantage point, I can now comprehend, want.
Heres the thing though my faith is tried, not because I believe God has abandoned me, not because I believe some unconfessed sin has held me captive( Believe me you go through something like this,and like Job, you throw everything but the kitchen sink at God, in considering what may keep you from his blessing, you dont leave a stone uncovered and you dont leave anything shoved under a rug, because frankly aint nobody wants to stay in a miserable place for this long..so no, there isn't any un-repented sin) I dont even believe my faith is tried at this point because the devil is persecuting me,not when I have a big God who could easily and readily come to my defense opts not to, sorry, not buying it. No beloved.,I am where I am because the Lord himself wants me to be here.
So what do I do from here?
Well, I look at it deeper. I look at it from an outsider view, that isn't tainted by perspectives of selfishness, or judgementalness. I look at it from a Gospel view.
See my Father asked me many moons ago, if I would be willing to sacrifice all to follow Him. And I told him yes. Without thinking or pondering, or weighing it, I said yes.Know why? Because even though I had understood some hardship I had yet to walk a dessert. mmm. yep. I understood sacrifice and commitment from a faith in thought view, not a faith in action one.
And, here I am. Suddenly I comprehend, Job having lost everything, plagued by illness, hurt by those he loved and trusted. I comprehend Jobs heart and mindset-. I See David, alone in a cave, weeping at loss, pained by his own sin, repentive, remorseful, helpless at times,and boardering hopeless, yet turning to God again and again,asking for help, leaning in to the only company He had , God and God alone. I Comprehend.
I understand the Israelites, knowing a God of fearsome power, and complete mercy, of provision, and of guidance, yet at times while staring at yet another loaf of manna , and asking God "IS THIS IT? " Oh yes, I comprehend.
See we say we will carry the cross of Christ, and we fashion a set of wood, nail it together and we walk a mile on a public roadway, and say, there you go Lord, I carried it, but we in truth, gave nothing of lifetime of commitment in that, we barely broke a sweat, we did not feel blood trickle down our cheeks, we did not feel the splineters of rejection and betrayal, we did not touch the sins of a world lost, we did not bare it to death, we meerly, carried two by fours.
The reality is this beloved, when we make a promise to the Lord, we must weigh what we have promised, and realize, our FAITH will be tested, not because we are big toys on a chestboard, but because God has our GOOD in mind. Hard to fathom lovies, hard to believe in the midst of suffering , persecution, loss, that our Good is in mind, but it is.
How can I say that? ahhhh beloved, because I have Faith. Not faith in words, faith in FIRE. Faith in TROUBLE, Faith in HUNGER, Faith in LOSS. Faith in HEARTACHE. Faith in LONELYNESS.
When I look at the cross Jesus asked me to carry, I realize he wasn't being figuritive, he was telling me something deeper, something I couldn't comprehend without actually going through fire, and harship, and trial, and judgement, and betrayal, the cross has weight, it is not frivoulous, it is not a jesture, it has the weight of trial and tribulation and souls on it. Yes Lord I comprehend.
Faith is an action, it doesn't end in a hard time, it begins there. It envelopes the Gospel, and lives out a love for Christ that seeps from comprehension. So while some delve into theries and beliefs that Christains are unmarred by any hardships and that if we are of God. that we live worryfree, and financially blessed, I find, thats not the Journey I have walked at all, and in the journey I am seeing an inkling of what Jesus felt, I am comprehending Faith in a whole new light, I am leaving behind, krispy kremes and scented bath soaps, and carrying only my sandals.. Somedays i struggle because I have developed blisters on my feet in the walk,that I am tired and sore and dirty,but I also know, this is the walk he asked me to walk, he asked me to understand,he asked me to pursue, and I said Yes, and the ironocy is- today, knowing all I know, of sacrifice and loss, I would still chose the sandals and the cross, and the closeness of comprehending, to the smallest degree, that I am indeed, being crucified with Christ. That my faith is forged by fire, and not because He wants me to suffer, but because he wants me to grow into being more LIKE HIM.
Beautiful Savior.
When we go through trying times, hard times, times of heartbreak and struggle, it can feel like God has forgotten or left us behind. Faith is strained, and the true test of it comes to light. Do I believe God, when I have to decide between buying staples that are needed, and keeping the electricity on.? Do I believe he loves, cares for, and supports me even when I cannot see those things currently in my life.
Well, I have found many who are not going through such hardships, quickly respond "Oh yes, I know God will supply," and many times, they offer pat answers, and judgemental observerations as to why your needs are not being met, and as to why they think that your heart must not be in the right place.
Frankly it is exceedingly easy to respond well to trial when your not the one in it or under it.
I turn back to the the Israelites as they walked through the desert- they had provision, water, manna, but after the day to day struggle of dessert heat-of being footsore and weary, even the things that were a blessing, in light of what they had known of comfort in Egypt, became, well- forgotten.
Guess what? I crave an oreo now and then- or a Krispy Kreme donut, I like socks without holes, and I could really use some new clothes- and yes lovie, I have food in the pantry, not a ton, but enough to keep on keeping on for a little longer, but will it keep me from desiring a Krispy Kreme,a good steak, or a trip to the mall for some bath bubbles and a new outfit, no.
I comprehend that trials come, that God provides, but not much unlike my forefathers walking through the desert, I get tired of just manna and crave things I cannot have and have not seen for some time. I suppose to some that makes me ungrateful, I dont think it does, I think it just makes me human . I believe my ancient counter parts believed God, and saw his hand, and while there have been times in my life where I thought I would never act as ungrateful as the people following Moses in the desert, but- from this vantage point, I can now comprehend, want.
Heres the thing though my faith is tried, not because I believe God has abandoned me, not because I believe some unconfessed sin has held me captive( Believe me you go through something like this,and like Job, you throw everything but the kitchen sink at God, in considering what may keep you from his blessing, you dont leave a stone uncovered and you dont leave anything shoved under a rug, because frankly aint nobody wants to stay in a miserable place for this long..so no, there isn't any un-repented sin) I dont even believe my faith is tried at this point because the devil is persecuting me,not when I have a big God who could easily and readily come to my defense opts not to, sorry, not buying it. No beloved.,I am where I am because the Lord himself wants me to be here.
So what do I do from here?
Well, I look at it deeper. I look at it from an outsider view, that isn't tainted by perspectives of selfishness, or judgementalness. I look at it from a Gospel view.
See my Father asked me many moons ago, if I would be willing to sacrifice all to follow Him. And I told him yes. Without thinking or pondering, or weighing it, I said yes.Know why? Because even though I had understood some hardship I had yet to walk a dessert. mmm. yep. I understood sacrifice and commitment from a faith in thought view, not a faith in action one.
And, here I am. Suddenly I comprehend, Job having lost everything, plagued by illness, hurt by those he loved and trusted. I comprehend Jobs heart and mindset-. I See David, alone in a cave, weeping at loss, pained by his own sin, repentive, remorseful, helpless at times,and boardering hopeless, yet turning to God again and again,asking for help, leaning in to the only company He had , God and God alone. I Comprehend.
I understand the Israelites, knowing a God of fearsome power, and complete mercy, of provision, and of guidance, yet at times while staring at yet another loaf of manna , and asking God "IS THIS IT? " Oh yes, I comprehend.
See we say we will carry the cross of Christ, and we fashion a set of wood, nail it together and we walk a mile on a public roadway, and say, there you go Lord, I carried it, but we in truth, gave nothing of lifetime of commitment in that, we barely broke a sweat, we did not feel blood trickle down our cheeks, we did not feel the splineters of rejection and betrayal, we did not touch the sins of a world lost, we did not bare it to death, we meerly, carried two by fours.
The reality is this beloved, when we make a promise to the Lord, we must weigh what we have promised, and realize, our FAITH will be tested, not because we are big toys on a chestboard, but because God has our GOOD in mind. Hard to fathom lovies, hard to believe in the midst of suffering , persecution, loss, that our Good is in mind, but it is.
How can I say that? ahhhh beloved, because I have Faith. Not faith in words, faith in FIRE. Faith in TROUBLE, Faith in HUNGER, Faith in LOSS. Faith in HEARTACHE. Faith in LONELYNESS.
When I look at the cross Jesus asked me to carry, I realize he wasn't being figuritive, he was telling me something deeper, something I couldn't comprehend without actually going through fire, and harship, and trial, and judgement, and betrayal, the cross has weight, it is not frivoulous, it is not a jesture, it has the weight of trial and tribulation and souls on it. Yes Lord I comprehend.
Faith is an action, it doesn't end in a hard time, it begins there. It envelopes the Gospel, and lives out a love for Christ that seeps from comprehension. So while some delve into theries and beliefs that Christains are unmarred by any hardships and that if we are of God. that we live worryfree, and financially blessed, I find, thats not the Journey I have walked at all, and in the journey I am seeing an inkling of what Jesus felt, I am comprehending Faith in a whole new light, I am leaving behind, krispy kremes and scented bath soaps, and carrying only my sandals.. Somedays i struggle because I have developed blisters on my feet in the walk,that I am tired and sore and dirty,but I also know, this is the walk he asked me to walk, he asked me to understand,he asked me to pursue, and I said Yes, and the ironocy is- today, knowing all I know, of sacrifice and loss, I would still chose the sandals and the cross, and the closeness of comprehending, to the smallest degree, that I am indeed, being crucified with Christ. That my faith is forged by fire, and not because He wants me to suffer, but because he wants me to grow into being more LIKE HIM.
Beautiful Savior.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Bigger
I was 17 when I first felt called by God, which is not exactly the first time I felt impressed of calling, but it was the first clear cut understanding. I remember as a little girl feeling Him near me as I went about singing unto the heavens. 20 some odd years further down the road and three children fully grown and a divorce later, I questioned, how can God use me? I still felt that calling, but knew only God could make something of His ragamuffin girl. It seemed impossible, yet he tugged at me so earnestly and so unrelentingly. I can only express it as a feeling of being pulled magnetically towards His heart and purposing.
Discouragement has a nasty way of pulling us in other directions and hampering us. I looked at what seemed impossible odds. I was fighting off a devastating illness that threatened again and again to take my life. I had ventured into my first real relationship after the divorce with a very kind man, but a man not meant for me. So I walked away from the relationship with an aching heart, but one determined to follow Gods leading whatever the cost.
Nearing the end of a period of time God had told me to wait on Him for direction as each day passed, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more. My lease was coming to an end. I needed an answer, stay, go, what God?
As the final hours of that final day began to fade into the night my prayers reached a frustrated pitch. Sitting on my couch, four walls resounding, I prayed loud, hard and in earnest. Where are you at God? Help me Lord! Answer me Lord! You Promised!
The computer screen sat in an open stance on a christian chat line I often visited and counseled and prayed for others. But today I had no real interest for it. It was on out of habit, but provided little distraction for my weary heart.
Many times God has answered my prayer, and so directly I could not doubt him. Yet in these moments as they steadily counted down I was beginning to fear that I would not hear from Him at all. In that, I also feared maybe I did not hear Him right in the first place. Doubts swarmed about me, attacking my thoughts. Every time I tried to squelch it, the dead silence seemed to confirm my apprehensions.
I remember for instance, a time when my friend Jana and I had prayed over a letter the Doctor had signed on my behalf. The letter was asking for my retirement to be allotted to me early so that I could live on it and be helped through times of illness. My lawyers shook their heads and told me, "Tara, it won't happen, your wasting your time, they just don't do that." Never-the-less, I sealed the envelope, touched it with annointing oil and sent it prayerfully on its way. A few weeks later a signed parcel came to me saying it was agreed I could have the retirement money.
My God is BIGGER than wisened lawyers, BIGGER than law, litigation and man made regulations.
Another time prior to that event, I was in a tight financial fix. Money I had lived on sparingly was running out. The $7.50 an hour I got for work was not enough to pay the rent and the car payment owed at the first of each month. I little knew what I would do. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed. I needed $900.00 and I little knew where it would come from having already borrowed money from my parents to pay for lawyers fees. Owing them that, I would not borrow from them again. I was seemingly up a creek with out a paddle. I opened the mailbox on the 30th of the month and inside it was a $900.00 plus refund, and friend, I had no reason to receive one. It was more than enough to pay my house payment, and my car payment with a dollar remaining for a treat from Mc Donnalds to celebrate.
My God is BIGGER than my finances and He is able to provide for my needs.
Oh yes, I knew God answered prayer. But as the tears of stress and weariness came, and the feeling of being left alone in an hour of need presided, I cried out to God in utter frustration. "God! I am done, I am finished, you promised to answer me and you haven't answered me! I Give up! I give up! I give up! " I screamed aloud and it echoed through the walls of my empty house.
In that very instant as I breathed the last angry words, my computer dinged.
Someone was sending me an instant message. I half laughed in mockery, "Great, some quack wanting to hit on me, Yay." But it wasn't. A timid writer said "Hello" I waited. He began to praise God, and I hate to admit this, but in that moment I wasn't in the mood for Mr. Bubbly. So as he finished his litany of praise, I said, "Ok, Glad you got your praise on, is there something you wanted to say to me?" Sarcasm laced the words. I was tired, mad and not really in the mood for warm fuzzies. The cursor blinked ..... I waited..... After what seemed like forever the person responded. "Well, I was praying and God told me to get on the computer, so I did. And then He told me to get on the chat, which I don't do much, but I did." Okkkkkk, I am thinking, flake.
"Then He told me to scroll the names, so I did. Then He told me to stop on you, so I did."
Mmmm. Something in my Spirit jumped. I leaned forward, instinctively watching closer. What Goes God? He again waited. And due to lack of patience, I prompted him, "Is there something you wish to say to me?" It was a tad sarcastic, but you cant see that on the computer thank the Lord. "Yes," he said. "Understand that I don't know you and I don't know why God is telling me this." "Ok" I said, a little annoyed at the his slow typing. "Well, I don't understand why He is saying this, but He says. Don't give up, Don't give up, Don't give up!"
I burst out in sobs. Pure, wrenching sobs. Not another living soul knew my prayers to the Lord that day. No one heard me but my walls and God. As the fellow went on, he unraveled all the things I had said to God, and then began to state what God told Him.
In a brief time God had answered my prayers for direction using the pokey hands of a total stranger, click clacking away in his corner of the world in I believe Missouri. He knew nothing of me or of my circumstance., We had never before spoken, and never have since. God is BIGGER than how much we believe, and God is an on time God.
I don't understand why it can be at the last hour or the last day. I don't try to. I only know, that He is faithful to answer us, Faithful to hear us, and faithful to direct us.
Lately Rob and I have journeyed a rough road. A road fraught with disappointments. Tests on our endurance and faith have abounded. I have seen finances drained while our needs increased profoundly, yet all I know at the bottom line is this. In every hour whether last or first, GOD IS FAITHFUL. He has not ever left us stranded or alone. Never lost to what we go through. NO NOT EVER. He is there in the mid-nights of our life, listening and even responding in ways we never thought possible nor could we comprehend, because that is our God. He's BIGGER than our understanding. BIGGER than our issues. BIGGER than our enemies. BIGGER than our resources. BIGGER than even our own plans and dreams. He is a GREAT BIG WONDERFUL GOD and He hears you. I promise Lovie, HE does..
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Family Matters
Little Miss Ruth sits fixedly at the organ, (as memories serves me ) she sways back and forth in a childlike movement, as her joyful bubbly heart plays and hits an occasional off note unoticed.
Pastor Tim shuffles paper work readying for worship service, making an occasional wise crack, as the worhip team laughs at his disorganized attempt at organization. I am slightly dishievedled, hours of crying have made my eyes puffy, but no one asks why. They already know.
During that week, I slept at a friends house keys to their door tucked in my pocket. The previous week Mrs Shirley bounced on my make shift bed,pulled the covers off of my head, and told me to get up.Re-inforcing her stance by informing me she would not leave until I did. I got up. I faced the day, and the next and the next, as my friends, my family in God, came together and loved me through-Divorce.
This small church, spent hours at pot lucks laughing and loving one another, we knew each others buisness and fumbled about trying to help however we could. When someones refridgerator died,a love offering was made to get them a new one. When the heat was threatening to be cut off, in the dead of a Wyoming winter, 20 saints of God put their funds together and made the payment to keep it on. When someone was sick, those same 20 saints, made meals enough to feed a family until the person was well recovered, and made sure the family had plenty to spare.
These are my memories of a small church, where when you cried you were surrounded by tissues and hugs, and you did not suffer through a hard place alone.
Since then I have gone to a number of larger churches, and one so large that it virtually had a countdown on wide screen to worship, it made me feel as though I was on an awkward cold rocket ship where if I fell off into space, no one would even notice one less soul.
I went to a big church, where they had all the modern convieninces, lights , cameras , action- an attitude of perfection and performance were expected, but what was not there was compassion. No, in fact when Rj and I fell short of finances and couldn't pay our 6oo plus dollar electric bill, they called and offered to pay half, and I could work for them to pay it back. I cleaned the church for weeks, and then carried trees, and I do mean "TREES" uphill in the sweltering Tennessee sun to throw in a pile. I felt as little accepted there as anywhere I had ever been, knowing from day one, I had been eyed suspiciously as a threat.(being a woman and a preacher, somehow equals threat) I had been tagged with a rather unkind and unfavorable mindset ( as all women with an understanding of who they are in Christ could also be deemed in this body,a possible Jezebel) and in the process I tried to love people who treated me anything but loving through it. It was a big "Who will be Who in Whoville" church with a small Grinchlike heart.
I have watched as friends in big churches have struggled with finances pro-longed illness causing them to get behind, and even as a long time member of the body- where no help wasg was offered them outside a prayer.
I have gone through a series of loss myself, and in the midst of one of the hardest trials in faith I have known,to minister in TN, and yet- did not even recieve a phone call.
My heart longs for the small church family kind of compassion, still moving in the big church. The place where you can not only feel welcome but truly cared for.When your ill, people are bustling about trying to see what they can do to help you.When your struck by a need there are folks trying to help you through it if in no other way than a warm enfolding hug and a cup of coffee.
It seems we have lost our way- we have opted for easy outs, and selfish motives, and we have closed our hearts to one another out of being "Just To Busy" people have become little more than a blip on our church sonar-and the crazy thing is we face the end times , and we should be wise enough to know that we need each others talents and skills, we need each other to strengthen and endure- yet we live and exist with the very distance the devil himself would hope for! Because to divide us is in anyway IS to conquer us.
See the family of God should knit together in ways a three strand cord of rope should knit us, that cord should be nearly inpenitrable.So much so that when trial and torment comes to the church itself we will be all in this net , this weave of faith, together. Unshakeable and unbroken.
Instead, we have built foundations around rock and mortar, rather than around souls.We have looked at whats "New" and whats "IN" and considered these church builders, rather than caring for one anothers souls, and how best to do that.
I long for a "Family" in God that understands each other, cries with one another, helps one another, lifts, builds and occasionally even carries one another, like the sheperds of a flock each one being a preist towards the other, because that is in essence what we are called to do.
What I crave is, genuiness- not just in how we are towards one another but in our passion and love for Christ, and thinking on that, I suppose genuineness and passion for God would in essence overflow into those things, or should.
And if I cant see it where I go I have decided to build it where I am, because we as true believers should be rope makers. Intent on forming cords that can't be broken, and I am making that a goal. If my family wont come to me, then I will come to my family, because someone has got to realize along the way, that babies it is not what we build in finance or in status, or even bricks and mortar that matters, its souls, Souls matter.
We are family- You matter to me, I just wanted to say that.
In Love, In Christ-
Sissy
Pastor Tim shuffles paper work readying for worship service, making an occasional wise crack, as the worhip team laughs at his disorganized attempt at organization. I am slightly dishievedled, hours of crying have made my eyes puffy, but no one asks why. They already know.
During that week, I slept at a friends house keys to their door tucked in my pocket. The previous week Mrs Shirley bounced on my make shift bed,pulled the covers off of my head, and told me to get up.Re-inforcing her stance by informing me she would not leave until I did. I got up. I faced the day, and the next and the next, as my friends, my family in God, came together and loved me through-Divorce.
This small church, spent hours at pot lucks laughing and loving one another, we knew each others buisness and fumbled about trying to help however we could. When someones refridgerator died,a love offering was made to get them a new one. When the heat was threatening to be cut off, in the dead of a Wyoming winter, 20 saints of God put their funds together and made the payment to keep it on. When someone was sick, those same 20 saints, made meals enough to feed a family until the person was well recovered, and made sure the family had plenty to spare.
These are my memories of a small church, where when you cried you were surrounded by tissues and hugs, and you did not suffer through a hard place alone.
Since then I have gone to a number of larger churches, and one so large that it virtually had a countdown on wide screen to worship, it made me feel as though I was on an awkward cold rocket ship where if I fell off into space, no one would even notice one less soul.
I went to a big church, where they had all the modern convieninces, lights , cameras , action- an attitude of perfection and performance were expected, but what was not there was compassion. No, in fact when Rj and I fell short of finances and couldn't pay our 6oo plus dollar electric bill, they called and offered to pay half, and I could work for them to pay it back. I cleaned the church for weeks, and then carried trees, and I do mean "TREES" uphill in the sweltering Tennessee sun to throw in a pile. I felt as little accepted there as anywhere I had ever been, knowing from day one, I had been eyed suspiciously as a threat.(being a woman and a preacher, somehow equals threat) I had been tagged with a rather unkind and unfavorable mindset ( as all women with an understanding of who they are in Christ could also be deemed in this body,a possible Jezebel) and in the process I tried to love people who treated me anything but loving through it. It was a big "Who will be Who in Whoville" church with a small Grinchlike heart.
I have watched as friends in big churches have struggled with finances pro-longed illness causing them to get behind, and even as a long time member of the body- where no help wasg was offered them outside a prayer.
I have gone through a series of loss myself, and in the midst of one of the hardest trials in faith I have known,to minister in TN, and yet- did not even recieve a phone call.
My heart longs for the small church family kind of compassion, still moving in the big church. The place where you can not only feel welcome but truly cared for.When your ill, people are bustling about trying to see what they can do to help you.When your struck by a need there are folks trying to help you through it if in no other way than a warm enfolding hug and a cup of coffee.
It seems we have lost our way- we have opted for easy outs, and selfish motives, and we have closed our hearts to one another out of being "Just To Busy" people have become little more than a blip on our church sonar-and the crazy thing is we face the end times , and we should be wise enough to know that we need each others talents and skills, we need each other to strengthen and endure- yet we live and exist with the very distance the devil himself would hope for! Because to divide us is in anyway IS to conquer us.
See the family of God should knit together in ways a three strand cord of rope should knit us, that cord should be nearly inpenitrable.So much so that when trial and torment comes to the church itself we will be all in this net , this weave of faith, together. Unshakeable and unbroken.
Instead, we have built foundations around rock and mortar, rather than around souls.We have looked at whats "New" and whats "IN" and considered these church builders, rather than caring for one anothers souls, and how best to do that.
I long for a "Family" in God that understands each other, cries with one another, helps one another, lifts, builds and occasionally even carries one another, like the sheperds of a flock each one being a preist towards the other, because that is in essence what we are called to do.
What I crave is, genuiness- not just in how we are towards one another but in our passion and love for Christ, and thinking on that, I suppose genuineness and passion for God would in essence overflow into those things, or should.
And if I cant see it where I go I have decided to build it where I am, because we as true believers should be rope makers. Intent on forming cords that can't be broken, and I am making that a goal. If my family wont come to me, then I will come to my family, because someone has got to realize along the way, that babies it is not what we build in finance or in status, or even bricks and mortar that matters, its souls, Souls matter.
We are family- You matter to me, I just wanted to say that.
In Love, In Christ-
Sissy
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Manna-fest! God our provider.
I stood out side my little red vibe cram packed with items precious only to me, clothing, old towels, a little bedding, odd and ends nick-nacks, and a sparse collection of Christmas decor. I had spent hours dividing and trying to be fair, offering the best of what had been my life to my soon to be x husband, and venturing into what I fearfully dreaded- that great unknown where it was just me, and Jesus.
Somewhere in the process half the decor disappeared, a huge portion of utensils all eaten apparently by the infamous sock monster who also had an unknown penchant for cute boots. I unpacked and life day by day, became a learning process anew, economizing on a small( mmm, nix that replace it with pathetic) budget. There were times I wept myself to sleep, a lot of times. There were days on end where no voice spoke to me,and months before I felt the embrace of another human being. And it was indeed,just Jesus and me.
I grew so much in that place, leaned in, learned to depend on God,found out I was stronger than I thought, experienced joys I had no idea could come from things so simple. I had almost died, literally in that place, and God restored me. I had seen that even with the little I had, life was a gift, and I had opted,to embrace it.
I am once again at a place where all I own will need to fit neatly in a little red car. All my husband Rj owns as well. In some ways it is almost numbing, facing that- I no longer know if I am resolved to it, or if its simply I see, I am back to square one, Jesus and me(.:) and RJ)
In this place I have learned things indescribable, heard Gods voice so discernibly I stay in awe. I Know who takes care of me. Who keeps me, holds me even more than the wonderful warmth of a human hand I now have to hold. because I am fully aware If not for my Jesus- and his healing touch, I would not be here to hold it.
Seasons of life come and go- and hardships hit some while missing others completely, and yes I wonder why that is.But I also Trust, its up for God to discern and dicide where my life will be tomorrow, I only know- I am His.
Today my husband worked on what can only be considered a mansion,its massive walls overlooking a mountain ridge, I sat outside its pristine lawns and thought how odd,that some could be so blessed and be blissfully unaware, while I am not in worldly terms blessed but an aware to the core that I am blessed beyond comprehension.
For whatever reasons God has me in a place, I don't always understand it,nor do I continuously want to be in it- but HE has kept me here, for his reasons.So each days need is rationed out in just enough sized portions, I strive for no more, and get no less.
To those high powered prosperity thinkers I am a hopeless individual, who has "done something" to be in such a place of hardship.
But I am reminded of a group of people who followed a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day, who had to take each days portion with humility, who drank of the wells God gave and ate from the provision he handed them in the fields. They could strive for more, gather their goods in fear, and store loaves of manna by the dozen, but it turned to worms and sod, because that was not the provision God had allowed.
Some days beloved, God speaks to me about matters of the heart, about the kind of people He wants to see, the kind that seeks HIM unswerved by what happens.The kind that rely and trust in him fully.the kind that know humility and desire all of God there is.
Maybe that describes you to a "T" Maybe you have been wandering a dessert where all your reliance was on God, and none of these prosperity teachings seemed to even come close to you. Oh not because you lacked faith that God couldn't prosper you but maybe you, like me, knew that it was more important to Touch the feet of God with your tears,and adore him with your worship- than it was to put things that will corrupt ( for so much of belief is formed in trusting money and gathering possessions to show Gods favor, when in fact Money was the least thing God told believers to chase after!) We are made to chase Him, not stuff not things that corrupt or turn to Dust! Him. Our MANNA. Our life sustaining promise , our fulfillment from day to day- our Everything that makes all other things look like- well Nothing.
Today God gives you manna, not a pile of manna , not a stockpile of manna, because HE is our life sustain-er, and our provider. Without His presence leading and guiding, babies all the boats, and toys and such are like a loose ball in a pin ball machine, you ping against this ( yay New Boat), and think it will make you happy, and you ping against that ( wahoo spending spree) and none of those things actually really do fulfill you, its when you find the exact right place, where humility and need meet praise and presence, that Manna comes from heaven and feeds you once again..
Jesus, Jesus, very bread of life, fill me, keep me, and stay near me , my beautiful provider, my manna.
Amen.
Somewhere in the process half the decor disappeared, a huge portion of utensils all eaten apparently by the infamous sock monster who also had an unknown penchant for cute boots. I unpacked and life day by day, became a learning process anew, economizing on a small( mmm, nix that replace it with pathetic) budget. There were times I wept myself to sleep, a lot of times. There were days on end where no voice spoke to me,and months before I felt the embrace of another human being. And it was indeed,just Jesus and me.
I grew so much in that place, leaned in, learned to depend on God,found out I was stronger than I thought, experienced joys I had no idea could come from things so simple. I had almost died, literally in that place, and God restored me. I had seen that even with the little I had, life was a gift, and I had opted,to embrace it.
I am once again at a place where all I own will need to fit neatly in a little red car. All my husband Rj owns as well. In some ways it is almost numbing, facing that- I no longer know if I am resolved to it, or if its simply I see, I am back to square one, Jesus and me(.:) and RJ)
In this place I have learned things indescribable, heard Gods voice so discernibly I stay in awe. I Know who takes care of me. Who keeps me, holds me even more than the wonderful warmth of a human hand I now have to hold. because I am fully aware If not for my Jesus- and his healing touch, I would not be here to hold it.
Seasons of life come and go- and hardships hit some while missing others completely, and yes I wonder why that is.But I also Trust, its up for God to discern and dicide where my life will be tomorrow, I only know- I am His.
Today my husband worked on what can only be considered a mansion,its massive walls overlooking a mountain ridge, I sat outside its pristine lawns and thought how odd,that some could be so blessed and be blissfully unaware, while I am not in worldly terms blessed but an aware to the core that I am blessed beyond comprehension.
For whatever reasons God has me in a place, I don't always understand it,nor do I continuously want to be in it- but HE has kept me here, for his reasons.So each days need is rationed out in just enough sized portions, I strive for no more, and get no less.
To those high powered prosperity thinkers I am a hopeless individual, who has "done something" to be in such a place of hardship.
But I am reminded of a group of people who followed a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day, who had to take each days portion with humility, who drank of the wells God gave and ate from the provision he handed them in the fields. They could strive for more, gather their goods in fear, and store loaves of manna by the dozen, but it turned to worms and sod, because that was not the provision God had allowed.
Some days beloved, God speaks to me about matters of the heart, about the kind of people He wants to see, the kind that seeks HIM unswerved by what happens.The kind that rely and trust in him fully.the kind that know humility and desire all of God there is.
Maybe that describes you to a "T" Maybe you have been wandering a dessert where all your reliance was on God, and none of these prosperity teachings seemed to even come close to you. Oh not because you lacked faith that God couldn't prosper you but maybe you, like me, knew that it was more important to Touch the feet of God with your tears,and adore him with your worship- than it was to put things that will corrupt ( for so much of belief is formed in trusting money and gathering possessions to show Gods favor, when in fact Money was the least thing God told believers to chase after!) We are made to chase Him, not stuff not things that corrupt or turn to Dust! Him. Our MANNA. Our life sustaining promise , our fulfillment from day to day- our Everything that makes all other things look like- well Nothing.
Today God gives you manna, not a pile of manna , not a stockpile of manna, because HE is our life sustain-er, and our provider. Without His presence leading and guiding, babies all the boats, and toys and such are like a loose ball in a pin ball machine, you ping against this ( yay New Boat), and think it will make you happy, and you ping against that ( wahoo spending spree) and none of those things actually really do fulfill you, its when you find the exact right place, where humility and need meet praise and presence, that Manna comes from heaven and feeds you once again..
Jesus, Jesus, very bread of life, fill me, keep me, and stay near me , my beautiful provider, my manna.
Amen.
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