Someone sent me an ad on craigslist the other day, in it was a picture of an old leather bound Bible from somewhere around the victorian era. The advertisement read this way, " I have an autographed bible. It's really old but is still in really good condition for it's age. It was signed by the actual Jesus Christ of Nazareth. I have never heard of another bible being signed from Jesus Christ before so this is very rare. I bought it at an antique store a few years ago for 3,450 dollars, the guy at the store told me it was checked by an expert and is legit. It even has paper work with it that proves that it is real. I am only selling it for 700 dollars because I just recently lost my job and have to make rent in 3 days. This is my best offer. No low balling."
Funny? Yes it is. The ironicy is, many of us sell a version of Jesus we think is legitimate to others much the same way, The World scrutinizes our moves as Christians, what we say and do is studied with a microscopic view, and all to often we are found wanting. Do I think we have to be perfect? No, as I would be the first one to fail the high standards I would love to live up to.
I remember talking with a lady once who had a life full of scrutiny towards others. Her standards were so high and her tolerance so low, that no one could quite live up to her version of perfection. As a worship leader her constant commando attitude caused a great deal of problems and friction in the worship team. One day she told me, Tara, dont you believe what the word of God says" Be perfect, as I am Perfect" admittedly, her reproach knocked me off. I had to answer her honestly, that I didnt even want to try to be perfect, because to me, that was something only Jesus could be. To me, trying to attain this thinking was saying I want to be on his level. Furthermore, my imperfections and that of my team, were what kept us humble and softened towards God, all of which, in terms of worship, I thought were good things. On studying that scripture reference more, I realized the literal translation in the greek/hebrew, was be complete, as I am complete. How was Jesus complete? He weighed his heart, his actions, and his attitude by what pleased his father, he dwelt with his Father in all he did, and his world was complete because of that dwelling. He was living in fullness because he lived in presence.
Jesus lived authenticly, he sat down and had a good meal with people with bad reputations, oh folks snickered, and they rumoured, but there he was with Pagans and tax collectors, Harlots and refuse. He spoke words of forgiveness, and then showed he meant it by being inclusive rather than exclusive.
In my walk with God I have seen a lot, while going through my divorce my world had become a shattered and torn mess. I stepped back and viewed my life as an outsider looking in, because up until that time, I had lived for God, in a very self righteous way. I believed that by my behaving myself, and helping in anyway I could, and by stretching myself in whatever direction I was needed, that people would see my heart for God, and would judge me accordingly. Divorce does not do that, divorce casts an ugly shadow on a Christian, that says, your not up to par, you failed. Frankly we all fail, fall short, and end up with battered bodies and scraped up knees at times. But somehow in this circumstance all the other times I fell short, were not like this time. I looked at myself in this place, and went, ok, I am not who I thought I was. I thought I was a Godly woman. I messed up alot, I had bitterness, unmentioned hurts and angers that boiled up and spilled from my heart at times, I had judgmental attitudes and unclean thoughts, and I didnt know what to do with the woman in the mirror. Years of frustration and hurt puddled at my feet, and erupted into my life, and it took all I could do to muster my thoughts away from my own self condemnation, and seek God from that broken place.
There is this mirror in our lives, and when we look into it, its reality faces us back. Its truth. The word of God. Not the one you can buy with the forged signature of Christ, but the one that sits on your own coffee table, waiting to give you a healthy dose of reality.
Those hours I spent bent into the word of God, weeping at his truths, penetrating my heart, changing my thinking, breaking my nature, bringing me to a sense of self, were the most cherished I have ever had.
They were hard, they were dirty, they were deeply moving, but as the hours ticked away and tore at my understanding of self, God also restored the broken, bitter, person I had become.
He restored a sense of self via his word, his love poured into my life and brought me back from the pit of loss, into this reality, I am His, His child, His beloved, His favorite, His treasure, HIS. And what he says about me, about my worth, about my life, is what I will stand on.
The truth is, we can center on all we see wrong within us, and try to live a world so utterly built on fabrication that we are behaving like pretty plastic barbies, instead of a broken woman (or Man)weeping at the feet of Jesus. We can, and we oft times do. But I think the word is telling us something over and over, that we need to hear, and that is, our demeaner of perfection does not impress God, our striving for a nodd and a pat on the back in mans eyes will only satisffy us for a moment, and then dissapoint us when we get a healthy dose of reality, but the smell of our brokeness attracts him as no other. That is being authentic. Saying I mess up, but I chase after completion... I want to be fufilled in my heart, I want to know and be loved- Authenticly.
This old Bible, had great worth, not because of the falsified signature, but because of the depth of the beauty it held inside, where lives unfolded, where mysteries are revealed, where brokeness and tears are transformed into Joy and understanding. The true signature in our lives, is the handwriting Jesus did when he wrote across our hearts to Love and live as he did. Authenticly.
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